Year in Review: 2002 I'm not quite sure where to start. This year has been such a roller coaster ride. I'm not quite sure I remember all of the details. January... Let's see. I think that was when we had Meryl back to the cardiologist. She has what they call Sinus Tachycardia, and it was causing her a good bit of pain. They started her on a beta blocker to help control the pain. It isn't a life threatening condition, but it has caused her school nurse some concern. January was also when I auditioned for a play that was taking place at our church. more detail about that... Going into February, I was really on a spiritual high. The results of participating in "Eternity" were phenomenal. I was stronger spiritually than I had ever been before. At the same time, I was making preparations to have breast reduction surgery. I was scared to death that dealing with the insurance company was going to be a real fight, but it wasn't. I got a letter from them saying that it would take 4-6 weeks for them to reach their decision, but it didn't... it took one day! I couldn't believe it. I was completely floored! On March 4th, I had my surgery at the Cleveland Clinic, one of the premier medical facilities in this part of the country. The surgery went flawlessly, and I had very little (if any) pain at all. I went home and ladies from my church brought my family dinner for two weeks so that I could rest. I felt like getting up and moving around after a day or two, but with two paid weeks off of work and dinner taken care of that whole time, I didn't do much except vegitate! It was awesome. I was so pleased with the whole experience, I couldn't figure out why I didn't do it sooner! Somewhere in the midst of this, I had the chance to meet Susie (cl-skjasper..the first time, but definitely not the last). We met at Denny's and ate, proceeding to talk for 2 1/2 hours! I was nervous... you know, the thought of meeting somebody that you met on the internet... I mean, she could have been an axe murderer or something, ya know? ;) She turned out to be just the opposite, and is just the sweetest, most caring individual you would ever want to know in your entire life. I am blessed to call her one of my best, closest friends. We only live about 45 minutes apart, so I know that I can see her anytime I want. Unfortunately, life steps in the way much of the time. Going into the spring, things started to take a downward turn. We took Meryl to the gynecologist somewhere in this time period to find the reason for her extremely painful periods, and when none of our efforts resulted in relief, I became even more frustrated with what seemed like a neverending cycle of bad fortune. (At this point, we suspect endometriosis.) I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated with my kids attitudes, their grades, their disobedience of even the simplist little rules. I was finding that I was at a loss with my faith in that I wanted so much to do something, but I couldn't figure out what. I started to find myself getting too busy with the wrong things, which left me not giving the Lord the amount of time I should have. My mind was straying with thoughts of a male co-worker who I had been corresponding with regularly. Somehow, I held onto my faith during this time, but looking back, I can see where all of these things fed into my recent backslidden state. In July, I had the opportunity to have my second board meeting with Mary (johnnymom1999). She lives approximately an hour from my parents in NW Michigan, so I decided that my visit with them should include her as well. I drove to her home with my dd's Abby and Dana in tow. We chatted for a bit, and then I drove the whole crew to a church in Traverse City that she had been wanting to visit. (She had been having some struggles with her current church at the time, but because she doesn't drive, she had no way to get anywhere else.) The service was wonderful, and Mary immediately felt at home. Afterwards, we went out to lunch at a Chinese buffet and headed back to Mary's house. We took pictures, the kids played together, and we chatted for *several* hours! Mary has a wonderful spirit despite her circumstances and I consider it a privilege to have had the opportunity to meet her. July also included our financial woes (extreme credit debt) coming to a head. Money was so bad that I think we had each of our utilities turned off at least once. I was trying to save to go to PA and visit with Anjie, Joy, Wendy, Susie, and Caroline. I had been so looking forward to it, but when our water got turned off the week before our trip was supposed to take place, I was heartbroken. I knew that the money I would have used for the trip was going to have to go towards getting the water turned back on and the bill paid, much to my dismay. I don't remember who I contacted first, but eventually word got to all of them that I would not be able to attend the board meet. Well, you know how pig-headed these ladies are, right? ;) They just wouldn't have it. They said that it wouldn't be the same without me there and they weren't going to stand for it being any other way. They talked amongst themselves, and then I got a call. I think it was from Wendy, if I'm not mistaken. You can check out the boards from the very beginning of August, but to summarize, they had pooled their money to get this perfect stranger and her children back and forth to Hershey PA. Not only that, but when I arrived, I got a flat tire. "The Men" collaberated and decided that it could be fixed, and Anjie's husband took care of getting it over to the place that would do the work, and even paid for it to be done. When we were leaving, I only had enough of the moneythey gave me left for gas and toll to get back to Ohio, so I packed some leftovers, and we headed out. When I got in my car, I realized that Susie's husband had snatched it sometime during the weekend and filled the tank up with gas! This left us with plenty to eat a meal on the road and snack on the things I packed while in the car. It was truly like manna from heaven... The timing of this board meet was interesting, because I was heading into one of the lowest times in my entire life. My relationship with Abby was strained, and things with Meryl and Dana weren't much better. I couldn't believe that God would put me in the situation I was in, and I was angry. I can't remember what incident triggered it, but I decided that I was going to separate myself from God. I wasn't meeting his needs and he wasn't meeting mine, or at least that's how it looked from my perspective at the time. My email relationship at work had settled a bit (he didn't want to hurt his family), but another less-emotional/more-physical one took it's place. I don't know what I was looking for at the time, but he expressed an interest at just the right time, and I wasn't about to look back. I had been serving God and being obedient to him since my salvation 6 years earlier, and I still saw my life as being in shambles. Rebellion set in, and set in quick. I stopped going to church. I stopped reading my Bible. I started going to bars. I started listening to secular music again, to such an extreme that I refused to listen to Christian music at all. When Abby joined the football team at her junior high school, and I saw how good that was for her, and how it ended up being good for things at home, I was sure I had made the right decision. I stayed away from church, Christian fellowship, and God (until recently... see last week's Bible study-- Post #1 Post #2). There were some things in here that I can't remember when they happened (Meryl calling the police on Abby for assaulting her, us being investigated by Children's Services for child abuse, Abby being diagnosed with Asthma, etc, etc)This has turned out to be really long (I do apologize), but I do see things getting a little bit better. We started going to family therapy around the time that school started. I can't remember, but it seems like I was diagnosed with depression somewhere during this time period. My dd Meryl had been diagnosed a couple of years ago, but we started her back on her meds. (She had stopped taking them without our knowledge. It became apparent when she didn't need a refill when she should have.) This has been a long, hard year for our family. I have to hope that the new year yields some better results, because I don't want to feel towards God the way I did this year. I don't want to feel that way ever again. ~d~ Click here to go to Dawn's last page.