Testimony of Love and Forgiveness Dec 25, 2002 As far back as I can remember, God has been a part of my life. I chose to ignore His love for so long I didn't think there was hope for me. As I like to say, God tapped me on the shoulder for a long time...and I played the game, calling myself a Christian and going to church. Then He whacked me over the head with a iron-cast pan and I was never the same. After the shock wore off, I came to know Him as a loving and forgiving Father who still loved me after all I had done. Today, Christmas Day 2002, I wish to dedicate my life to Him and allow Jesus full access to my life and my heart. Here is my story. I was baptized Lutheran and raised Baptist, so you can about imagine how confused I have been the majority of my life. Up until the time I was 13 I was just going through the motions, going to youth group and church and saying prayers before the Thanksgiving Meal. When I was 13 we moved to a much smaller town and I became active in another church. I was very active in the youth group and went on all the field trips. I remember asking myself what it meant to have Christ in your heart, but never did bother to ask it out loud. When I was 16 I became rebellious to my parents and to God. It was at that time I became sexually active and started treating my body terrible. Instead of being proud of myself and thanking God for His gifts, I hated my body and began looking for anyone who would think it worthy of attention. Although I started to have a better relationship with my parents about the time I graduated High School, I had dropped out of the church scene and was a wondering soul. My dad passed away when I was 19 and I wondered how in the world my mom could still be praying to a God who had made her a widow at the tender age of 49. I was angry at God and anyone who told me not to be got a terrible look from me. I continued to abuse my body with sleeping around and with alcohol. I never have used drugs or smoked anything and I am proud of that. When I turned 21 I couldn't have been happier....I started the bar thing and had a blast. I sang karaoke and got drunk too much and slept around .....I even kept a journal! UGH! I was in a terrible place. All this time God was waiting patiently for me to notice Him. Easter time of 1997, my friend Tammy asked me what I was doing to celebrate. I told her I was gonna sleep in and then go out later and get drunk. She said *Get up! You are going to Church!* Bleah, I thought, CHURCH?!?! I went, and even became a member of this church. The only thing it changed in me was that I had to get up on Sundays now. About a year and a half after that, I started working at a Bible Camp in town, whose Director was a member of the Church. This made a small impact on my life, but I would not realize its full potential until this year. In the summer of 2000, I was at the height of my partying. I had a roommate who was in the same place and we fed off each other. We drank and danced and partied our way through the summer. I even got myself a summer fling....it was my routine, I had one every summer! His name was Les and he was a ton of fun. September 7th, Les and I found out we were going to be parents. Together! I knew God was trying to tell me something. My baby boy was born April 18, 2001. I would not come to understand the full meaning of his existence until after he turned one. All through these things, God was sending me hints of His love and forgiveness. I would go to church and ask for forgiveness but then go right out and do the same things again. I mocked people who talked Bible Talk for I was sure they were faking it just like I was.....saying one thing and then doing another. God sent me people who told me of His love and I dismissed them. God sent signs like the Bible Camp and I ignored them. Then in late September of this year, two things happened in my life that changed me forever. First, I ran across this chat called *Christian Parenting*, where I was welcomed with open arms and told of a message board that the friendly people had. I began lurking and became an active member of the board just a couple weeks later. Second, I went to a Women's Retreat at the Bible Camp which I had worked at just a few years earlier. I arrived on Friday night, asking myself why I was there. I met some women who were clearly Bible Talkers. I was hoping it might rub off on me so I began to form friendships with them. Early Saturday morning I went for a short walk by myself. I looked around at the wonders of the Camp...the wilderness and the trees. I was looking at a HUGE tree (I could point it out too if you asked me) and I began to wonder how people could think that it was man-made, or just *happened*. How could something so complex NOT come from God? I was standing there looking at the tree and I felt the Holy Spirit come upon me and suddenly, as if someone had turned a light on, I understood. I understood that God loved me and had been waiting for me. He had been giving me gifts all of my life which I had been ungrateful for. He was the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me and here I was, ignoring it all. I understood that all the times He had forgiven me I had not accepted the forgiveness because I had been right back out there doing it again. I understood he was not disappointed in me, because He was the picture of patience. He had waited for me and it was my time. Since September I have been studying my life and the Bible. I have read testimonies of God's Children and read His words, the ones he sent for me. I understand now what I must do. So here, in front of my Christian Friends, I wish to dedicate my life to the Lord. I am ready to be rescued and I want HIM to do it. On this day which He sent His only son to be born for ME, I wish to give Him a gift...the greatest one I can offer.
My life. And it is for you, Lord. Please give me the strength to Let Go and Let You, Lord. Next page