No Budget Theater: Shocker

Before we get started:

I wish I had a picture of my friend Mike's face when I mentioned the title of this movie.  If you remember it, just the thought will make your face go sour.  For those who don't remember it, rent it with some cynical friends and have a good time.  

Let me tell you a little story about this movie ...or at least a little story about several initial attempts to watch this movie back in the late 80s when this sucker first came out on VHS.  Here's the situation: small town Ohio - I mean real small town...a village in fact, was where we spent many summer days.  Well, our older friend's family always went to Canada for a week every summer and we'd commence to have a big ol' party in the meantime.  Well, out of the stack of movies that got rented, this was the selection for horror.  I think I remember, vaguely, that we started this movie at least three times during that week and maybe finished it once...maybe...it was all kind of a drunken blur.

Anyway, I remember the soundtrack to this movie, which really dates it.  This was 1989ish, the final throes, if you will, of the hair band era.  Well, beyond the popularity of the hair bands was the popularity of the speed metal genre, which at the time included Metallica, Megadeth, Anthrax, and Slayer, each taking slightly different directions with speed metal, but unfortunately, we won't be getting any of that.

The main track on this film is Megadeth doing a cover of the main man, Alice Cooper's No More Mr. Nice Guy.  At the time I thought it was a cool salute to the godfather of shock rock, but listening to it now dates it much more than the original, which came out much earlier in 1973. 

The opening theme, however, is performed by the Dudes of Wrath, which included members of KISS, Ratt (I think), and a few other nerf metal hair bands.  This song dates the movie like no other.  Paul sings it in such a bland generic way that you could replace "Shocker" in the chorus to about anything and it would be about the same.  But I digress.

In a nutshell: Jonathan, a virginal football player gets psychic dream powers from being a clutz and uses them to catch his "real" father, a "cereal" killer who obtains special electric powers from the devil's giant lips while awaiting the electric chair.  His new powers include immunity to electricity, the ability to travel the TV waves and electrical currents, and the ability to body-jump.  It's the poor-man's Freddy Krueger with an electric gimmick.  Pinker is ultimately defeated by his son and the son's dead girlfriend's ghost's locket.  Oh and the final climactic confrontation takes place in TV land! 

Characters

Jonathan

Horace Pinker

• Jonathan's Foster Dad/Cop

• Jonathan's Girlfriend/Dead Girlfriend's Ghost

• Jonathan's Token Black Friend

• Token Black Coach

Let's begin...the pain of the recap:

Shep Gordon was executive producer along side Wes – no wonder – that explains shit. Explains why they picked a few Cooper songs to bastardize.

We see various TV sets displaying death and destruction. We also hear about the serial killer as we watch him sharpen his knife. We hear about his latest crimes –killing a family.

Final Boy, a jock, watches he same footage on TV elsewhere. They’re at the snack stand during practice. Jonathan, our final boy, isn’t paying attention. He gets plowed. His coach comes over and yells at him because he’s African American and in 80s movies, African Americans YELL A LOT. Jonathan watches his girlfriend and runs into a post, which subsequently gives him some special dream powers. WTF Wes?! So our hero in this story gets special powers by running into a goal post during football practice. Ok. Well, anything to move this plot forward. Well, final boy trips over a Gatorade table. I guess they’ve established he’s a clumsy oaf.

His g/f helps him up. We find out they might just be virgins –at least they haven’t slept together yet. They have a sweet walk home and Final Boy notices some strange shit…a van that says Pinker TV or something and a family is under attack by Horice Pinkier! Somehow Jonathan is there through his dream or something. What the hell is going on in this story!? It’s Jonathan’s family! It’s Horice! A wanna be Freddy.

He wakes up! He’s at his girlfriend’s – he dreamt the whole thing…but it really happened. They get the call. Family’s dead – he flips out, heads over…it’s raining of course. Sad music plays, cops try to stop him, of course. Dad’s a cop. Dad isn’t real convincing. Media comes up. Jonathan flips out and they get footage of it lol. News explains he was an orphan found at 7 years old. I smell foreshadowing.

Funeral scene. Newscaster does a voice over. It’s been raining a long time. Newscaster voices over the beginning of a bar scene. Final Boy and his dad go to the bar, of course. Jon admits he had a full detailed dream and he has some clues. Jon demonstrates his clairvoyance-dream ability. Dad isn’t very convincing here. Jon knows what the killer looks like. Dad has some bad dialog. Jon runs outside and they have a father son talk and he accuses him of being on drugs. So 80s.

Jon bellows about his van and we see a quick clip as if we didn’t see it before…or else we could have confused it with some other van. Jon wants the guy and convinces Dad finally.

Now we’re outside of a warehouse TV repair center – Pinker’s repair. Jon can "feel" him with the force or something. Man, this movie steals from everything…I mean everything. They knock before they break an entering….no warrant. They break into a labyrinth of television sets, so it’s supposed to look kinda erie. Ah we see clips of war and devastation. Some 70s cop car pulls up with more cops. They wander a maze of shelves and TVs. Pinker’s behind a fake shelf/door while skulls play on the TV sets. Ok I think we get tit Wes.

Pinker reaches out and grabs a cop who happens to be leaning against the shelf and no one hears a thing. Well, maybe Jonathan realizes something’s wrong. For a guy with a bum leg, Pinker’s fast, and stealthy.

Jonathan discovers the cop’s cig and calls for Daddy. They realize the cop is missing. Blood starts to pour from under the shelves and Pinker is long gone in the cop’s uniform. Good thing it just happen to fit. He kilsl two other cops before Final Boy and Dad know what the fuck is going on. They make it into some kind of back room and out to the back ally.

Some "evil" sounds play as Pinker’s van hits some mud puddle as it heads out. Pinker makes an evil bwhahaha laugh as he rides on by. Dad goes off on Jon-boy.

Newspapers dreading the killer. Pinker’s name is all over the place now. News reveals everything about Jonathan like total morons.

Flash to some moans but it’s not sex. It’s a fake out; he’s exercising. It’s Alice’s birthday – he gets her a necklace. 5$ says she’s not going to last long now – this is the 80s dammit! He leaves…then she says she loves him. News reveals that Pinker sacrificed animals (?!) and other witchcraft (!?). Um…ok. Satanic Panic of the 1980s full throttle. Electric Lucifer? Abba is the devil! TV is the root of all evil – I get it now.

Alice is home alone and hears something. It’s Pinker coming to kill her. He does it off screen. If you got attacked, don’t worry; her ghost shows up throughout the rest of the show. I’ll never be able to trust that guy from the X-files ever again. Jon realizes Alice isn’t there. Coach isn’t yelling; tells him to go home. He goes and realizes what happened. He goes into the crime scene after the obligatory, "you don’t wanna go in there" Pinker left Jon a note with her blood. He took a lot of time and effort to smear fake blood around the entire bathroom.

Funeral time again. She looks all virginal n stuff. Ah, she’s wearing the locket. I guess it is thee plot device. Christian prayers – lookout – we all know that means some major shit in an 80s flick. Jon’s flippin his lid about now loosing his family and then his girl. Pinker left him his father, finding it more torturous keeping him around. Jonathan takes off with his football playin’ friend – they have a plan.

They drive somewhere and just happen to hear a family screaming and of course it’s Pinker. Jon confronts Pinker. Pinker cusses him…limps around a little. Pinker’s about to stab him but Rhino wakes him up. Man Wes has a thing with dreams. Everything in 80s horror films can be dreams at any given moment. Here comes the cops in force… They’re following Jonathan and his friend. The cops surprisingly don’t start beating up the black guy – yeah this is a movie all right. They hear screaming and they corner Pinker. Pinker sees Jonathan and taunts him. Pinker throws the woman down the stairs and limps away no problem. He makes it away on a ladder and suddenly that limp is no problem. He tosses the ladder and Jonathan makes the jump.

The cops have to go down and back around. Pinker kicks pretty good for a limper. He tries to tackle pinker but Pinker was in the X-files –he’s had some training. Oh ok Jon picks up a TV antenna and it doesn’t work. Pinker rubs his face on those roof spinner vents. Hahah Pinker beats on Jon until the cops come and bust him. That’s hilarious.

Jon goes ape shit. Jon’s Dad mounts him from behind to calm him down lol. They both wanna see him die, which sets us up for the electric chair scene. Oh great, Megadave’s version of Alice Cooper’s "No More Mr. Nice Guy" – more like, "No More Mr. Nice Movie" or "No more surviing audience members" - Damn Megadeath sounds fucked up in this song and it’s playing way too long. Boy the Justice system works damn mother fucking fast in Hollywood. We see people walking around during the song yay.  Ah there’s a big audience to watch the execution.

They go to his cell and Pinker’s making an electric deal with some goofy lips from a TV, "you got it baby" – so this is some kind of transformation for Pinker. He’s is to electricity as Freddy is to Fire as Jason is to Water I guess. Some shit anyway. Pinker bites some dude’s lip and then another guy’s finger. He says, "finger lickin good" and needs to be shot for it. The two cops agree and start Rodney Kingin’ his ass.

They finally sit his ass in the chair. Pinker taunts Jon some more. And he’s evil so that means he doesn’t pray. People who don’t pray are evil I guess. Pinker laughs maniacally. Final words: Pinker admits that he’s stealing an Empire Strikes Back move – he tells Jonathan he is his father!  "Je suis ton Pere!"  Evidently Jonathan shot his real dad in the leg and that’s why he limps. The plot thins.

Pinker cusses some more and tells them to pull the switch. He laughs some more and they electrocute his ass. The lights go out and he’s all fried, scalp all burnt up and he raises his head. He lives to laugh some more. Woman goes to check and he shocks the hell out of her. He starts summoning lightning bolts and it flashes to darkness. Suddenly he’s missing from the chair. It’s all smoky too.  Crazyness ensues!

<to be continued...>

General Notes:

• These cops are stupid. No one’s just happened to have noticed Pinker’s shitty ass 3^rd grade painting decorated van sitting out in front of each of his victims’ residences? His shitty van has his name on it!

• This kid gets dream travel powers by clunking his head in football practice. Later, the villain gets power to electrocute, body jump, and travel electrical currents and jump into TV land. The kid gets the power to jump into TV land too, somehow.

• For some reason, a piece of jewelry from one of Pinker’s victims just happens to be his kryptonite.

• Doesn’t mean much to kill someone off if their ghost keeps coming back for crucial plot movement.

• The lyrics from "Shocker" by the Dudes of Wrath couldn’t sound more generic. It’s like the title could have been anything. It goes something like this, "Shocker…it’s the name of this movie …Shocker!" haha

• This police captain is the worst movie Dad! About as convincing as the Abusive Dad on Deadly Friend.

• Serial killers watch continuous footage of bomb explosions, skulls, and other symbols of destruction.

Quotes:

• Horace, after biting off a guard's finger, "finger-licking good!"

Good

• Deviates from the slasher formula by using a Final Boy

Bad

• Final Boy is annoying

• The reoccurring return of the ghostly girlfriend

• Special dream powers via running into a goal post

Fugly

• Devil Lips of Power

• Pinker's one liners galore

Things I've learned from this movie:

• The devil's lips reward serial killers with special powers

• Wes likes dream sequences ...a lot

• Psycho killers have their name on their van in giant letters

• Serial killing is bad for the TV repair business

•  

Other Names this Movie Could Have Used:

• Not Shocking

• Hocker

• Getting shocked is less painful than watching "Shocker"

• That X-Files boss is a Mur-diddly-urderer!

• Shitker

• Final Boy, a bathtub, and a radio

• One Liners from Hell

Thank the gods there wasn't a Shocker II, but unfortunately, I hear there is a remake in the works (shudders).

Last Modified: 12/2008

Authors: Clockworkcanary, Scarboroughchic, & Zombies_Ate_My_Neighbor