Sportscaster Training: This took forever to do. We spent more than an hour in line. The upside was that we got awesome inflatable Motorola headsets. The downside is we spent more than an hour in line. And there was really no reason for it. You were given a script in advance, talking about the upcoming Super Bowl. Once you got in, you got miked up, sat in a chair and learned about the teleprompter. Then you just read the script (the same one you were given in line) and you were done. But some people spent ten minutes trying to spit out this simple script. When my brother and I made it in, it took 30 seconds to get briefed, then 54 seconds to shoot the thing. Then we bounced. One take and we were done. The people in the trailer should have seriously cut people off after four or five tries. You're not auditioning for SportsCenter, people, you're just making a one-minute video... and the SCRIPT IS IN THE TELEPROMPTER. Really. Quite frustrating. Thankfully, we got a free DVD of our performance out of the deal. If I had mad website skillz, I'd post the video, but alas, I am weak. Amusing side note: My brother was wearing a Brett Favre jersey, making him somewhat transparent to the green screen behind us.

Shopping: After our mind-numbing wait to do the sportscaster thing, we got our aggression out by another run through the Red Zone, then we did a little shopping. The lower level was filled with vendors, most selling overpriced (and likely forged) autographs. There were also helmets, coins and other paraphenalia with the Super Bowl XL logo on them. I picked up a Terrible Towel for $10. I believe this played a key role in the Steelers eventual win. Upstairs (on the main floor), there was an "official" shop of more Super Bowl swag. I wanted to pick up a Roethlisberger or Polamalu jersey, but all of them had a cheesy Super Bowl logo silk-screened on them. In the event the Steelers would have lost, I would have been the tool walking around commemorating the failure whenever he wore the jersey. No, thank you. My brother sought a football with the XL logo, but all were sold out. Strangely enough, Richard Seymour was in the shop autographing stuff. Was he following us around or something?

Stuff we didn't do: Because of time constraints or the lameness of certain exhibits, we didn't do everything they had to do. There was a race where you'd push a blocking sled against other competitors, but the sleds were on wheels. (Great for kids, lame for adults.) They had a thing where you could time your 40-yard dash. Somewhat intriguing, but not worth waiting in line for. They had a place where you could try kicking an extra point. What's the point of that when we'd already kicked field goals? Another game was one you've seen before - people are tethered to a bungee cord and sent running down an inflatable corridor. The person to make it the farthest wins. We didn't see how that related to football, so we skipped it.

One that looked fun (but ultra-violent) was also set on an inflatable platform. Two competitors were harnessed at opposite ends of a rope. When a whistle blew, each guy would run as hard as he could toward his end of the platform. Of course, one guy would get there first, yanking the guy on the other end of the rope backwards. We saw these two frat boys go at it and when the rope pulled tight, the loser looked like he'd been shot out of a cannon backwards. A crowd of about a hundred people all reacted with a loud and sustained "Ooooooooooooo!" I imagine that's what the crowd sounded like when Joe Theismann's leg exploded. The guy got wrecked. I kinda wanted to do it, but my brother acknowledged I had a 30-pound weight advantage. I think he could have gotten to the end of the rope first, but my extra girth probably would have given me the edge. I might try the home version, which involves tying a rope between two people and telling them to run opposite directions as fast as they can. Sounds like fun.

Kids Suck: One huge downfall of the NFL Experience is kids. I'm sure I'll change my tune when I have a brood of my own, but these munchkins were everywhere. First off, the NFL was smart enough to have games set aside specifically for children. So parents should have sent their kids to do those. Instead, many kids waited in line to do the adult games. The worst example was the field goal kicking. After a long line, kids got up to the tee and kicked it 14 inches. Nice. Get your Snickers and get out of my way. Seriously, they needed signs that said you had to be at least this tall to participate in some of the games.

However, it was cool to see kids get excited about physical activity. Gym teachers of America, take note: Kids love to play if you make it fun. Put a football theme in your gym and you won't be able to keep the students from having a good time. Make them run around a cement track 50 times, and they'll grow up to hate your stupid exercise and enjoy a life of obesity and diabetes.

Epilogue: We left around 7:00 so I could start my marathon journey through slush and snow back to Chicago to start work in six hours. On the way out, I got a cool picture of the Super Bowl logo projected on the Renaissance Center. The drive back home was pretty terrible, but I made it in to work, produced overnight, then drove back to Kalamazoo to watch the big game with my family. As you know, it wasn't the greatest of Super Bowls, but the Steelers won (with help from my Terrible Towel). And the NFL Experience was an awesome memory. Should you ever get lucky enough to go to a Super Bowl city, I highly recommend it. Bring a friend and leave the wives at home.