Gae's story:
I was sexually abused as a child by a teacher for two years,at
age 11 & 12..., prettty rough stuff, including sodomy...I
learned how to leave my body during those penetrations.....it is
how I survived....I never told, not for 25 years....I so wanted
to tell my Mom, but back in the 50's, it wasn't an option, not
for me anyways... I found other ways to absorb the pain, like
through food, and alcohol when my parents were not home. I was
also raised strict Catholic Italian. Some 25 years later, I went
to Father John; he was my saviour, I thought Jesus Christ himself
had stepped off the cross just for me...to help me be free.
Initially I was being helped and loved and encouraged, so much so
that he said saw a 'gift' in me to help others and we began to
develop the 'Pastoral Counseling center' together - our dream and
vision... so for two years he was my spiritual guide, therapist,
and dreamer and developer of a Pastoral Center... my best friend
and one whom I believed truly sat at the right hand of the Lord.
He said to me that since our personal/professional relationship
was so strong that I needed to complete my therapy with someone
else, and he referred me to the co-pastor, David. I thought God
had sent me yet another gift...to complete my healing journey....
all was in place, I had my work, I was in school, I had John as
my good friend and associate, a whole faith comunity, a dear
friend named Jan that John asked me to help since she was a
survivor as well, actually one of the Fr. Porter victims of which
Frank Fitzpatrick brought to light....and now David, to finish my
healing journey... I was unaware of the competition between David
and John to succeed, and all the other dynamics between them and
I was in the middle....David, quickly, became many things to me,
I was alone at the time, with three children, David began
visiting me on a regular basis on his days off, bringing flowers,
doing all the 'man-jobs' around the house, helping me
financially, and always requesting me NOT to tell John...because
he wouldn't understand...I so needed and enjoyed all of his
attention that I honored his request, he was very powerful and
very convincing...and of course, all in the name of God.. and so
it continued, the outside relationship, with dinners, dancing,
weekends away, and he was having me sell my home, the proceeds of
which I would give him ($25,000.00) so he could add rooms on to a
house he owned for me and my children, and I would be a 'kept
woman'....sounded to me like the answer to all my problems...and
that God had sent him...meanwhile, the therapy sessions were
escalating, he would ask me for every detail of my childhood
abuse, which was very aggressive, and he would verbally roleplay
with me all that happened, he always blessed me, asked Jesus to
guide him, have a couple of drinks, and then roleplay, in words
only, to begin, that which happened...after each session, he
would lay with me on the floor of the rectory library -(these
sessions always took place on Thursdays when John was away for
the day) and lasted several hours... he would lay with me, hold
me, rub my back while straddling me, then I would do the same to
him. He would tell me how beautiful I was, how much he loved me
and wanted me to be free, and that he would sacrifice all of
himself for me so I could be free...and Jesus would help him and
me to do it...
He had invaded every area of my life, and there was no turning
back....John was on the outside....he kinda suspected, but David
covered all the tracks...eventually , David convinced me that the
only way I would EVER be free is if he actually recreated my
childhood abuse, and that he, the David that loved me would NEVER
do these things to me but he was willing to sacrifice all of
himself so he could, because he wanted me well, I was so caught
in his web, and somehow I believed that the more abusive he was,
the more he cared and loved because he was making this huge
sacrifice for me, for me for me...so he said, again and again and
again... and so it was, that he did, do all that I told him of my
childhood abuse...for months....waiting for me to have a victory
over him as my childhood abuser....I was going out of my
mind...... as the outside relationship continued to daily
involvement, contact, and plans for our future. Then he got out
of role, by that I mean he began to do things to me in the
therapy sessions I never said happened, and I resisted, and he go
SO SO angry, and hit me so hard with the back of his hand...split
my lip...it was awful.....I came to, he got me on the couch, and
left. I was in a daze and John came in, he knew I was hurt, but
at that point I never told him all that happened, and I found out
that unbeknown to me he was upstairs the whole time and heard the
whole thing and NEVER stopped it, MY GOD...anyways...I, from that
point was on a spiral downward, some 3-4 months later, I finally
told John everything and my friend Jan, and that is when the
cover-up began. John masterminded a plan to have David leave,
quietly, I felt like John was protecting me, and I was safe
again, I had no idea that John was betraying me, as well. and so
it was that I had to see David everyday , John kept him away from
me, closed out the bank account David had in his name for me,
wouldn't allow David to counsel anyone, and John asked David
about what he did, and David admitted it, somewhat. and the six
months which felt like 60 years passed and David left, and NO ONE
knew why, but me, John, Jan, and of course, David...after I got
over some of the pain from David, I had moved, and decided it was
time to take action against David. When I went to John (who was
now leaving the priesthood to marry, and five years later
re-surfaced as a congregationalist minister five miles from my
house), well, he said he knew nothing....that he never covered up
anything... that he would not help me or 'tell' what happened, I
was SO SO SO betrayed... I knew that for John to tell his
involvement would mean it would interfere with his new direction
to another ministry, if people knew what he covered up, well,and
he will NOT admit that to me, he still to this day, says he knew
nothing...MY GOD!!! And I waited five years to finally write to
John and I asked/begged, for him to tell me that the reason he
lied was so that his new life and new ministry would not be
affected, and he wrote back and said. "NO, and that if he
and I were ever to be in the same place at the same time he
wouldn't even see me". I was devastated and my blood ran
cold.
And so I pursued my lawsuit for over 2 years, and lost, and ended
up with a gag clause, I was six months over the statutes... I
lost Jan in the process, she was devastated when John left, and
went away and NEVER looked back, my attorney did contact her, she
verified my story to him, but would NOT testify, because at the
same time the Fr. Porter case had surfaced and she was in the
midst of that, as well. I knew John had told one person, a nun,
that was in a silent order in the northeast corner of the state,
my lawyer got an investigator to find her, and she, sister
Rosemary, spilled her guts...I SO needed to hear that John really
knew, and that he was lieing to cover his ass and his new life...
that truth saved me from really going insane.... and there is so
much more, but I can't go on...this is the 'jist' of it.... David
is now a prison chaplain....John a Congregationalist
minister...His church community is growing in leaps and
bounds..he is very charismatic, most con-artists are. Me, I am
okay, I choose to have no organized religion but my faith is
strong and my relationship with Jesus profound. I will NEVER have
any so-called leaders of the church ever influence my faith
journey again...I follow the teachings of Jesus as best I can and
I know that those who professed to be servants of God betrayed
their vows, abused their role and the trust that comes with it,
and that there is a day of reckoning for all of us, and they will
have their day when the 'truth' will be admitted and there are no
more cover-ups.
'gae'