My Needs/Your Needs 4:
O
KAY, MEN, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN AGAIN.
Yes, your wife has a very real, legitimate need to know that the family's needs
are going to be met.
All the needs we've examined to this point have had a basis in Scripture
and this one is no exception. Look at 1 Timothy 5:8:
"But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."
That's mighty heavy stuff, guys. God's Word makes it clear that it is your solemn, God-given responsibility to make sure that your family is financially secure. I believe that means your wife shouldn't have to work if she doesn't want to.
Many problems in our society today can be traced to women having to work to help make ends meet. Notice I said having to work. It's the source of many marriage problems as well. Why? Because when a wife is forced to work outside the home for financial reasons, she faces potential resentment toward her husband.
So what are the alternatives to the wife working outside the home when the bills aren't getting paid? Well, praise God, there are some natural, practical steps you can take and, if you're a Christian, there are also some powerful, supernatural steps you can take as well.
In the spiritual realm God has provided a way of prospering and increasing
called "planting seed." We can tithe and give offerings and then watch God supernaturally work in our financial lives.
From the natural perspective, you have three basic options
when your income isn't meeting your "outgo."
First, the husband can work a second job or longer hours.
Second, the wife can go to work outside the home and supplement the family's income.
Third, and I believe wisest of the three options, is to reduce the family's standard of living to meet its current income. God has given you a certain number of dollars each month and He expects you to be a good steward and live within those means.
To do that, you're going to have to have a budget. No, that's not a dirty word. It's something that will help you locate all the holes in your pockets so you can plug them up. If you plug those holes and still find you're struggling to get by, husbands, you may need to take some steps to increase your income potential. You may need to change jobs or vocations.
You may even need to go back to college for a year or two. In that case, you might want to go to your wife and say, "Honey, for us to live comfortably, I am going to have to earn more money. In order to do that, I want to go back to school and get some training. Would you consider working and generating some extra income while I do this?"
Chances are, your wife is not going to resent that kind of arrangement because you're giving her a choice. The problems come when she's forced to work.
There are a lot of good books on personal finance currently available in Christian book stores. Any number of them will give more detailed steps on making your income meet your "outgo."
Regardless of what steps you have to take, realize this, husbands:
It is your responsibility to provide for your family.
If you'll ask God to show you how, He will. He'll open the doors of opportunity to you, and then as you become faithful in doing those things, more opportunities to prosper will arise.
Just as most wives have a genuine need for financial security, most husbands have a strong need for domestic security. That is the number four need on his top-five list.
What do I mean by "domestic security?" Domestic security describes a man's need to know things are being cared for at home while he's out hammering away winning the bread. He needs to be assured that when he comes home his house is going to be in order.
Many wives don't fully appreciate or understand what it means to a man to know the home front is being taken care of while he's out doing his best to earn a living.
First Timothy 5:14 speaks of this need:
"I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully."
To a man, a well-ordered home is a refuge. Having that type of refuge from the stresses and pressures of the outside world meets a very important need in his life.
Before he gets married, a guy often fantasizes about what it's going to be like to have the perfect home. He dreams about coming home in the evening and having his wife meet him at the door. Looking beautiful, she hugs him around the neck and says, "Hello, darling." Then all his children gather around him and say, "Welcome home, Daddy!"
Then everyone ushers him into the den and somebody brings him his paper.
At dinner time, the family has a wonderful meal with nice, quiet, edifying conversation (no conflicts or confrontations). And afterward, as the sun is setting, they go outside and walk down the road together as a family.
Finally, bedtime comes. The kids go to sleep with a prayer and a kiss.
Then husband and wife sit on the porch swing, talking for a while in the cool of the evening. Eventually the whole scene winds up with a night of passionate lovemaking.
No doubt, by now you're laughing at this unreal idea of family life.
Yet, wives, it's important for you to know about those unrealistic dreams because it will help you set your direction. And, according to the Word, guiding and administrating the home is primarily your responsibility. If the husband is ever going to have any of those hopes realized, you are the one who's going to make it possible.
Naturally, if the wife works outside the home there is going to have to be some type of division of labor around the house. She cannot be expected to shoulder the burden of maintaining the home alone.
But if the wife is a full-time homemaker, she has a God-ordained responsibility to make that home a haven for her husband. In either case, the home needs to be maintained as a refuge
-a place of order, security and peace
I've seen a number of instances in which a Christian homemaker became so involved in "spiritual" things that she let her home go to pieces. She was constantly off at some church function or spiritual activity. Consequently, when the husband got home the house was a wreck, the kids were out of control and nothing had been done.
That's a prescription for trouble, ladies. The fact that the activities taking you away from the home are spiritual in nature, doesn't release you from your responsibility of guiding the home. Biblically, if he's the breadwinner, you're the home manager. That's the deal.
The last of the top five needs for wives is "family commitment."
Family commitment means the husband has a vital, active interest
in everything going on in the family.
The Bible teaches a man's family should be second in priority only to his relationship to God. You can see how much importance God places on family commitment in Genesis 18. There, in effect, God says, "I can bless Abraham because I know he will command and direct his children and his household in My ways."
Every wife needs to know that her husband takes ultimate and final responsibility
for everything that concerns the family.
Men, that means sitting down with your wife and discussing the decisions that need to be made, establishing the vision for the family, talking about the discipline and education of the children, and generally taking an active role in the family.
It also means spending real, quality time with the children, as individuals and as a group.
I'm not talking about sitting together in front of the television, either.
I'm talking about real times of interaction.
The fifth need most frequently cited by husbands is for "recreational companionship."
"What on earth is recreational companionship?" I hear you wives asking.
It simply means getting involved and going along as he pursues some of his interests. The old stereotype of a husband always leaving his wife at home to go have fun with the boys should have no place in a Christian home. His best buddy is to be you.
He shouldn't have to go out with the boys every time he wants to do something fun. Get involved with him. Sit down with him and develop mutual interests. It will meet a very important need in his life and strengthen your relationship like few other things can.
Well, there you have it--the top five needs for husbands and wives.
Put them all together and you have the unbreakable, one-flesh relationship that God designed.
As you learn to identify and meet each other's unique needs, you'll find more fulfillment, happiness and joy in your marriage than you ever dreamed possible. KCM