 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My Upper Secondary Years |
|
|
|
Yr 2000 Another year passed, i was in sec 3. The 1st class of the express stream. Most of my classmates were from the same class as me. Some were from other classes. ya know....i could feel it in my bones and blood...that that year was the year when my life would be truly changed. For better or worse. The holidays that led to the year 2000 were like a breeze, time flew past like rocket. I didn't go overseas though i'd very like to. Before 2000, my life was normal, quite simple as far as i can go, less problems. The things that i worried over were only my studies, my grades and how i was going to spend my holiday. When the year started, something different came along and started to make me question what i had been doing before it. |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
That something started when i began to go irc. I was curious about it. Yahx...i have a computer plus modem. My cousin installed the irc in my computer. I saw my cousins using irc before but i never tried it. I also had Napster. And it also had a chatroom. So i began to chat online. At first, i chatted with people from overseas. It was not until Jocelyn told me about our school channel that i started to know more people in s'pore. But mostly i chatted with people from my school. Through the chat room in Napster, i got to know a American girl. Through irc, i got to know Claudia, Vanessa, weiqi and blah blah. Soon i found myself chatting easily with many people online. The usual shyness seemed to disappear. Wellx...i guess because over the Net, no one sees my face and the self-consciousness disappears. |
|
|
| Another thing happened...i had a crush on a guy from another class. I did have crushes before. But this time it somehow felt different. I was distracted again. I had started to keep a diary when i was in sec 2. I had told myself not to get involved with love. I did not want to be distracted. Somehow despite all my efforts, i was distracted. I never told anyone abt it other than my bez frenx. It went on for 7 months or more. When i tried to forget him, it just seem that he appeared into my sight. Damn...gone was my resolve. Meanwhile, i got a sort-of stead. It lasted for awhile. Since i didn't really love him, the breakup didn't hurt. As time progressed, i spent more and more time online, chatting with my irc friends. |
|
|
|
Claudia, she influenced me quite alot. I always listened to her complaining about her bfs or missing her bfs. Soon i also was convinced by her that having a bf is good. Well...i did go on dates but in the end we were mostly just friends. No sparks. lolx. Anyway i came to know that my life is much more complicated now than last time. When i counselled Claudia, i also started to question some of the logic in life. Somehow through her and through the process of counselling her, i matured in my thinking. Those questions that i never bothered to question started to surface. I began to have profound thinking. |
|
|
| Through irc, i learn to find topics to talk about. In real life, i begin to relate better with my friends and classmates. I stop reading storybooks during recess and starts to socialise. I develop my own sense of humour, my way of communciation and develop a strong bond with my friends. Soon i'm able to tell my experienced to them. I introduce my friends to a world of fun. lolx. *exaggerating* I invited my friends to go iceskating, arcade, movies, shopping and ircing. True, they're not unusual. But before then, i only go out with my cousins to these places. And my bez friends never try iceskating and stuffs before. |
|
|
|
My hobbies starts to stretch beyond reading and watching tv. My shyness gradually vanished when i'm with my friends. Due to the foundation we have built, I trust my friends and am able to relax around them. I joke, i laugh, i talk and sometimes i lead with my friends. My joking and laughter usually only happen when i'm with Bao ling. lolx. I only seems to be able to joke and laugh when i know that person well. Or else i just smile de. lolx. My sec 3 holiday was great, i spent it with my friends. |
|
|
|
 |
|
| After 2000 - 2002 |
|
|
|
|
| When it came to sec 4, things got worse. Not with my friends. Well, alittle. Now Bao qi and I don't have alot of the recesstime the same. so we talk less. we hang out less. This year, i started to go to movies alot with my good friends like Yu chieh, rather than Bao qi. Sure we still got talk but it just feel different. My mei, Vanessa got into the same cca as me. We had some fun. Soon Yu chieh, Yian pin, Preeti and Bee chin seems to be closer to me than Bao qi. I also went iceskating with them, went arcade and shopping with them. |
|
|
|
This year, i also starts to go to East coast park alot. After March i tink, i wanna go beach to relax. Then i told Yu chieh and yian pin. They wanted to go with me. After that incident, Yian pin become obessed with the beach. Truth to be told, i love the beach too. It's romantic, relaxing, and serene. I had a boyfriend too. Sort of. cuz we talked over phone more than we met. But i really had a good time chatting with him. The wide range of topics we chatted about. The jokes. He was my good friend before he be my boyfriend too. |
|
|
| He was the first serious boyfriend i ever had. I love him alot. We lasted for around 8 months. The breakup was intiated by me. I actually rejected him once last year. I was so confused then. But now i knew what i had to do. I tried not to have regrets. After the breakup, i was depressed lorhx. But luckily got my friends. Like Yian pin. She's a great friend. Though i was depressed, i never showed it when i was in school. I still laughed and joked and went out. It's an old habit of mine- not to show i'm hurt when i'm actually hurt. I buried the pain deep in me...i stop crying. I kept myself busy. I seldom go irc le...but now i start to go again. |
|
|
| Life has really become complicated when i learn to love and care alot about someone. It's complicated because it involves emotions. Conflicted is a common state of my emotion nowadays. Having bf is good in some ways. It's also painful in other ways. Now i'm going to leave school soon. I won't miss the school but i'll miss my friends. I have no idea what's going to happen in the future, i only know that i hope i'll still in touch with my friends. Boyfriends can come and go, but true friends are forever In love/BGR, promises are just meant to be broken. After all if it's gonna be miserable to be together, it's only fair to let him go and be miserable myself than to make both parties miserable. I believe, in true friendships, promises can be kept and secrets can be unveiled. True friends are what it counts, you don't have to let a true friend go because she/he never want to leave you or hurt you. |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
Home |
|
|
My So-called life |
|
|
|
|