Kristen went to answer the knock at the door. She opened it to find Hayden armed with a pizza box and a huge covered salad.
"I come bearing gifts," Hayden smiled.
Kristen returned the smile and walked in with Hayden closely following.
The two sat down on the couch and Hayden set the pizza box and salad on the table.
"Where is your roommate?" he asked. "I haven't seen her in two months...does she actually live here?"
"Barely," Kristen said. "She's practically living with her boyfriend....but I'm not complaining. I more or less get the place to myself for half the rent and bills covered."
Hayden nodded, "that's definitely a deal."
"There was something I wanted to talk to you about, actually," Hayden said, jumping up to get plates out of the kitchen cupboard.
"....I'm thinking about buying a house here in Toronto....ya know, to have when I'm not working, since most of my downtime is spent here anyway," Hayden said.
"Yeah, that makes sense," Kristen replied.
"I want to buy a house and I want you and the baby to live there," Hayden said.
Kristen looked at him, "Hayden, I don't know..."
"Why not? Let's face it - there would be so much more room for your things and the baby could have a nice room. It would be perfect."
Kristen sat there and Hayden could tell she was deep in thought.
"...and I know what this probably seems to imply, but I can assure you it does not," Hayden said. "There are no expectations from me, in terms of our relationship."
"That's not what I was thinking," Kristen said.
"Oh," Hayden commented, not sure what was going on in her head.
"I guess, I just want to talk about what the doctor discussed with us earlier," Kristen said.
Hayden looked down. He hadn't wanted to bring it up, for two reasons. He hadn't wanted to upset Kristen and he was worried that he may lose his composure in front of her, a prospect that terrified him.
He wanted to appear as a constant force of strength to her. He didn't want to show her how much all of this truly scared him.
"I think, just like Dr. Bader said, that its only something to keep an eye on...you and the baby....you'll be fine...both of you," Hayden said.
Kristen nodded, "its just frightening though, ya know? I mean, I have tried and tried to do everything exactly right in this pregnancy. I won't even drink caffeine!"
"--Kristen, there's nothing you've done to cause this...it just happened," Hayden said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for her to even consider that this was her fault.
"I guess I'm tired of things 'just happening."
"What does that mean?" Hayden asked.
"I just....I am just so tired and confused..." Kristen said.
"No, Kristen, what are you talking about?" Hayden asked.
"Hayden -- what's really going to happen after this baby is born....the thought of how things are going to be...its the unknown and its scares me."
"I know its scary...but you know I'm here for you," Hayden replied gently.
"--you'll be here...but there will be times that you won't be here....I'll need you and you won't be here..." Kristen said.
"Kristen- we can work it out, I love you," Hayden said.
"Can we really work all of this out though? Will you see the baby every few weeks when you're not working?"
"Kristen, I haven't thought all of that through yet--" Hayden said.
"Well those are important things to think through before we decide to get back into something....Hayden, its not going to just be about us anymore...everything that we do or don't do is going to affect a whole other person now," Kristen said.
"I know," Hayden said quietly.
Kristen had always been the realist in the relationship but Hayden knew that as parents, they would both have to share that part.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As usual, time flew and soon it was time for Louise to arrive from Boston.
Hayden picked her up from the airport.
"How's my girl?" Louise asked during the drive to Kristen's.
"She's doing well," Hayden replied. He knew that Kristen wanted to discuss her condition with her mother in person.
"I'm very proud of you," Louise spoke up at that moment. "You're proving to be exactly who I had thought you were, when you were dating Kristen....you're what I had hoped for her," she spoke.
Hayden smiled, "That's a nice thing to say, thank you."
"I know she's proud of you too," Louise said. "She talks about you non-stop....when you're not around, she talks about how much she misses you."
Hayden continued to drive, feeling better by the second.
"She loves you Hayden...she's just very scared right now...and I think she's scared at the thought of being dependent on someone. She's always been so independent....much moreso than myself."
"I know that she's scared...but I want to take care of her, Louise. I want to be with her," Hayden said.
"I know you do, honey," Louise said. "She wants to be with you too, just give her some time."
~~~~~~~~~
Two weeks later
"Alright, this is what we need to do," Dr. Bader said matter-of-factly to Kristen and Hayden at one of their weekly visits in early October.
"Kristen, you are about a month from your due date, but I don't like the blood pressure rise and I think we need to deliver this baby as soon as possible."
Kristen began to cry softly.
"I'm so sorry. I don't mean to frighten you. I'm keeping my word that the minute I began to feel uneasy about this, we would do an early delivery. We've closely monitored everything up to this point," Dr. Bader said gently.
Hayden put his arm around Kristen's shoulder, trying as hard as he could to remain calm, "So, what do we do now?"
"I'm scheduling an emergency c-section for tonight," Dr. Bader.
"Tonight?!" Hayden exclaimed in surprise, his fears multiplying.
"Yes, the sooner this baby is delivered, the better for everyone," Dr. Bader said.
In a whirl of activity, Kristen and Hayden headed to the hospital. He had called Tove in a panic to let him know what was going on and Tove properly panicked and said that he would alert the family.
Soonafter, Kristen was being admitted and Hayden was making sure to be there for her while feeling completely helpless at the same time.
A nurse gave a pair of scrubs to Hayden. He looked at her questioningly. "I can still be there for the birth?"
"Yes, of course. You're the father."
Hayden nodded and ran to find the nearest place to change clothes.
Everything happened so quickly after that, Hayden had no sense of time. Hayden was in the delivery room suddenly, holding Kristen's hand as the anesthesiologist gave her an epidural.
The entire procedure had Hayden completely fascinated. He sat by Kristen's side, holding her hand and watched in wonderment as the doctors worked and suddenly, there she was.
"Congratulations, you have a baby girl," the nurse held up the tiny crying infant.
Suddenly, looking at this beautiful tiny being of his own creation became too much for Hayden and he was completely overcome with emotion. He laid his head on Kristen's shoulder and sobbed as she looked in amazement at the little girl.
The baby was quickly whisked away and soon they were in the recovery room.
"I love you, Hayden," Kristen looked up at him from the hospital bed and wiped one of the tears from his cheek. Hayden smiled silently and squeezed her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it.
Soon, Kristen was back in a regular hospital room with a large group awaiting her.
Tove had called everyone and everyone was there.
"She's underweight due to being delivered prematurely, so they're keeping her here to be monitored," Hayden told Tove.
He hadn't known of a day in which he'd felt such different extreme emotions. He'd literally gone from extreme stress to extreme joy to extreme stress again.
Their daughter's recovery would take time- she would need time to grow. In his heart, Hayden knew she would be alright. She had to be.