The next few days were the hardest. I think it was because I had finally gotten the reality 'slap' I had so much needed and dreaded at the same time. I now knew with certainty how Hayden felt and there was no going back.
I had explained the entire encounter to Susan who only shook her head in response.
"Damn guys!" she exclaimed when I was finished. "They only want what they can't have and when they can have it - they don't want it anymore."
I merely nodded, not wanting to mill over the details any longer.
"Well that's okay, he's an idiot. We're goin' to find you total hotness to date and then Hayden will really see what he's lost," Susan said matter-of-factly.
I rolled my eyes. Dating was the last thing on my mind- graduate classes were killing me and work was very consuming as well. Maybe it was for the best to forego the romantic entanglements until my life slowed down a bit.....any excuses would work for me at this point.
"I'm taking you to Guvernment tonight and you're going to have a blast - a complete Hayden-free, drama free night with a few drinks bought by some cute guys...its just what you need."
I just looked at her - she meant well. "I know what you're trying to do and I do appreciate it....but its just not working for me," I replied.
"That's because you have to get the state of mind to make it work for you," Susan said. "This doesn't just happen on its own for everyone-- especially people like you."
"People like me?" I asked, not sure whether to be offended.
"Yes, serious minded people like you who need to lighten up and enjoy life a little more....and the crazy part is, they don't even realize it...that's why I'm here!" Susan smiled.
That forced me to grin -- Susan was here trying to pull out all the stops so I would get out and have a good time and hey, it couldn't hurt, right?
~~~~~
I pulled on my pair of skinny black leather pants and tied my red halter top. I looked in the mirror, brushing my hair and felt like I was seeing my old '20 year old' self again - the club-goer who used to be at Guvernment three or four times a week, dancing and having drinks with friends. Things seemed to be less complicated back then, although I hadn't thought that at the time-- that was life's joke, I guess. No matter what happens, there's always something bigger around the corner to show you that a past problem wasn't as crucial as it once seemed.
"Are you ready chick?" Susan came around the corner. She was decked out in her usual tube top and black pants ensemble.
I smiled, continuing to brush my hair. "Yeah, almost."
I bit my lip with uncertainty and Susan could see the look on my face -- she said, "I ran into Hayden's buddy Adam this morning -- he said Hayden had flown to L.A. today so don't worry...he won't be there."
I looked at her in surprise - she knew me too well.
~~~
The cab pulled up in front of Guvernment - the line to the entrance was long as usual -- this was one of the hottest clubs in Toronto and one of my favorites.
Susan paid the cab driver and we stepped to the curb.
"What's up Tommy?!" Susan called to the bouncer who waved to us as he was checking someone's I.D. at the door.
After a few short minutes, we were in the club and heading to the bar.
"I would like two Midori Sours, please!" Susan said, laying money on the bar. She stopped me from reaching into my purse. "Put that away - this one is on me and the rest will be from some cute guy we haven't seen yet!"
I laughed, sitting on the bar stool to wait for my drink.
The club was filling up quickly even though it was only 10:30 - we continued to drink 3 more drinks each - Susan had been right. Several guys had been around to chat and buy us drinks.
After 4, I was feeling pretty good -- my tolerance was near zero from not drinking for awhile- due to working so much and going to classes.
I began talking with a guy named Todd who was seated next to me while Susan was on my other side talking to a guy named Will.
It turned out that Todd was also in the Graduate program for Biology.
After a few minutes of talking, he asked, "would you like to dance?"
I'd never been much of a dancer, but the drinks were making me feel a little less self conscious than normal so I accepted.
We went out to the semi-crowded dance floor and began to dance.
"You're a pretty good dancer!" I said, leaning into him so he could hear me over the music.
"Thanks! So are you!" he laughed.
We continued to dance, laughing and leaning in to talk with another every couple of minutes.
A slower song came on and we started slow dancing.
Susan was watching from across the room -- her conversation partner Will was in the restroom.
It was then that she noticed a few paces over, a familiar face was also on the dancefloor. Her eyes widened and she cursed outloud, "Damn!" even though no one could hear her anyway.
Across the dancefloor, even though I didn't know it yet, was Hayden, dancing with a blonde girl.
Maybe she won't see him, Susan silently hoped.
She didn't have to hope or wonder long - she could see that Hayden had spotted me.
She rolled her eyes, wondering what he was going to do next.
He continued to stare, watching me dance with Todd--I was still unaware of his presense.
The song ended and another began and we continued to dance.
Unbeknownst to me, Hayden had stopped dancing and excused himself from the girl to approach Susan.
She quickly tried to pretend she hadn't seen him when he began walking toward her.
"Hey Susan," he said with a small smile.
Susan looked at Hayden with the tiniest smile. "Hi."
"How's it going?" he asked.
"Fine - everything is awesome -- I thought, Adam said that you were leaving town?"
"Yeah, I was supposed to but then I got the call that I'm not needed in L.A. until Monday," Hayden replied.
Susan shook her head - of all the times she thought it would be safe to bring me to Guvernment.
"How is she?" he asked quietly.
"She's fine, as I'm sure you can tell," Susan said. Hayden only nodded, turning to see me still out on the dance floor with Todd.
"Does she despise me?" Hayden found himself asking Susan.
Susan rolled her eyes, "What? Hayden - if you want to ask about Adrienne, please just ask her. I'm staying out of this."
"I would ask her but she doesn't exactly want to talk to me," Hayden replied in a biting tone.
"Well, she's fine -- she's moving on and she's fine," Susan said, looking Hayden square in the eye.
Hayden just nodded and looked down, "I suppose that's good."
Susan rolled her eyes a second time, "she's only doing what you wanted, ya know?....you don't want her so she needs to find someone who does-- someone who won't play games with her."
Hayden just shook his head and continued looking at the ground. He finally looked up and simply said, "just look out for her alright?"
"Ya mean from guys like you?" Susan said in a wry tone.
Hayden shook his head, "whatever," and walked away.
Susan shook her head and looked up to see that I was watching from my place on the dance floor.