I gripped my robe tighter around my neck. "Todd, what are you doing here?"
"I couldn't let everything that happened the other night just be 'it,'" Todd said. "I mean, I asked you to marry me. I can't just walk away from you that easily."
I took a breath, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.
"Todd -- you were being honest about your feelings. Your first inclination was to walk away, that's why you did it."
"--Maybe I was wrong," Todd said. "...I mean, to jump to such conclusions about everything...it was wrong of me to do that to you."
He handed me the flowers, "So I came to apologize and see if maybe we could talk some things out?"
Here it was again,. That overwhelming sensation that no matter what I did now, I was a bad person.
"Todd -- I think maybe you were right to walk away," I said slowly. "I - I don't want to play games with you.....but I can't be what you want...."
Hmm...that was starting to sound familiar.....I was saying to him almost word for word what Hayden had said to me in my living room, what seemed like a million years ago now.
"What does that mean? You can't be what I want? You agreed to marry me..." Todd said.
"I know...." I looked at the ground. "...and as hard as this is for me to say....I don't think I should have accepted the proposal....I do love you and care about you....but not in the way that you need. You need someone who is going to be there for you....and.."
I trailed off. It was true I wanted to talk with him about everything. I just hadn't hoped or planned on Hayden being in the next room while it was happening....
I also had every intention of giving the engagement ring back to him and was trying to find a way to sneak back and retrieve it.
"Wait right here," I said.
"Can I come in for a second?" he asked as I had turned around and I froze.
Could this get any worse?
As if karma was waiting to answer my question ---I could see that Todd was looking past me now. I whirled to see that Hayden had appeared in the living room doorway, wearing shorts, no shirt with a towel around his neck.
Hayden looked shell-shocked.
I turned from Hayden back to Todd.
"I don't know what to say," I said.
Todd pursed his lips, getting angry. "You don't have to say anything-- I get it."
He turned on his heel and walked down the sidewalk as I closed the door in a sense of shock at what had transpired over a three minute span.
"Uh, are you alright?" Hayden asked quietly.
I merely nodded as I still clasped the bouquet that Todd had brought me.
Hayden just watched me for a second.
I looked at the ground, suddenly feeling very ashamed.
"I am a horrible person," I said aloud after a second.
Hayden put his arm around my shoulders in a gesture of comfort, "aww, c'mon...no you aren't."
I shook my head, "no...I am....what kind of person does this to other people? Other people she claims to love no less?"
Hayden just looked at me, knowing there wasn't much he could say to make me feel better.
"Well, you aren't a bad person....maybe I'm the bad guy...I came back into your life and all of this happened."
I looked up at him, "It happened because I allowed it -- I wanted it to happen." I touched his face. "I know that I will never love anyone the way that I love you -- and no matter what happens, that's how it is for me....."
Hayden wrapped me in his arms. "Can't you see? That's how I feel too -- I made so many mistakes in the past. I let you go, thinking a different life would make me happier -- but it didn't....I never felt truly happy when I was away from you-- I think I tried to hide behind drinking and working so much....but everything else, it just didn't mean anything if you weren't there with me....its always been you...no matter how hard I tried to deny it or fight it....."
I hugged him tightly for a moment.
"....that's when I realized, after we saw each other again....and when you were giving me a second chance...I knew I didn't want to mess things up a second time....I couldn't lose you again," he said softly.
"Adrienne, I love you so much - and I know that I always will."
"I love you too," I said, feeling tears welling up.
~~~~
Things went on from there -- time passed. Hayden went back to work, scheduling a lot of shooting time in Toronto.
I put in applications at many resorts all over the world and eventually decided to take a Marketing job at a resort in Southern California.
Yes, I did give the engagement ring back to Todd after an awkward but productive talk at Starbucks where we parted on somewhat civil terms considering the circumstances. I hear now that he's with a beautiful girl who absolutely adores him.....I'm glad -- he deserves it.
I was Susan's Maid of Honor when she got married last year to a sweet guy named Josh. They met at her firm and she was smitten from the beginning.
Hayden and I even arranged to take a cruise with the happy couple as part of their extended Honeymoon.
It was on that cruise that Hayden himself proposed to me.
I looked around, on that beautiful cruise ship, when Hayden had led me by the hand to rejoin Susan and Josh after his proposal (that apparently Susan and Josh had known about all a long), thinking how perfect things were. Of course, they weren't always going to stay that way....but I'd come a long way to get here....a lot of sadness and a whole lot of tears....but I can say now, it was all worth it. I guess, I hold on to the notion that things happen for a reason. Life takes you on journey that can be filled with sadness and pain...but that sadness only tends to make the good times that much better.