I know that sometimes I get lost
Been asking questions since the day I could talk
Life is sweet but when my bones get cold
Will you be there for me to hold? -- The Verve
~~~~~
Nearly twenty minutes had passed -- Todd was sitting on the sofa, his hands clasped and resting on his knees as he sat in silence. He refused to look at me as I sat on the arm chair next to the sofa, wiping my eyes.
After what felt like an eternity, he spoke up. "So, you kissed him....Adrienne, why?"
I shook my head, "It just happened - everything happened so fast -- I don't know...Todd, I'm so messed up - "
"That's a f&^%$#@ cop out and you know it," Todd said sternly.
I looked at him, shocked at his demeanor. He had never spoken to me that way before, ever.
I shook my head in silence as more tears fell.
"I just don't understand after everything that he put you through....the way he made you feel and you run back to him and kiss him....did you sleep with him?!"
I shook my head, "of course not! Why would you think that?" I asked incredulously.
"- because I don't know you anymore!" Todd said. "The Adrienne that I asked to marry me wouldn't even do this -- she just wouldn't.....I guess I don't even have to ask if you still have feelings for him....."
I refused to look at him which I'm sure gave him my answer. I felt sick -- this was one of the worst times I think I had ever gone through - I was questioning everything about myself at that point.
"...but despite your emotional crisis," he said in a mocking tone, "if you're looking for sympathy, you aren't going to get any," Todd stated matter-of-factly.
"Todd - you don't know how horrible I feel that this has happened.....I'm so sorry that I've hurt you - but I had to tell you the truth."
Todd nodded with a solemn expression, "yeah, I'm glad you did --"
We were silent for a few more moments.
Todd stood after a moment. "Well, Adrienne...I know you're confused right now-- the kiss, I could maybe even try to deal with -- but the fact you still have feelings for someone else...." he paused a moment, trying to find the right words and shaking his head in a way that told me it was something he certainly could not and would not deal with.
"I know that I love you -- but I don't think I can trust you....." he said, avoiding eye contact with me.
I looked up at him and started to stand up.
Todd put his hand up. "So, I'm going to make all of this a lot easier for you -- goodbye."
....and with those words, he was gone.