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-Presents-
-Markus Jayson-
(In association with Fun Things to Do in Elevators inc.)
in
Kroger Shopping
The scene cuts to a Kroger about 5 minutes away from the 8th Wonder Bar and Grille. We position the camera by the entrance, and seconds later Markus Jayson walks into the store. We follow him..Jayson turns to see the camera..
Markus Jayson:
STALKER!
The noise in the store drowns out and everyone turns and looks at the cameraman. He shuts the camera off, and peers around the camera lens at the people, and smiles weakly. Then he darts his eyes over to Jayson who is doubled over laughing. The shoppers see this as well, shake their heads, and return to their shopping. The cameraman approaches..
Cameraman:
What the hell is your problem? Trying to embarass me like that!
You followed me!
The cameraman scowls at Markus..
Oh whatever man. Let's go find the eggs.
The cameraman nods his heads, turns on his camera, and begins to film as he and Markus Jayson walk around the store picking up good and stuff for the bar..
So let me ask, why does this TnT keep sending people out here to film me.
You have a match this week.
What? I'm a Senator, I'm too high up to be wrestling.
But, uh, your on the roster, and people on the roster get booked. Are you telling me you don't plan to show?
What! NO! Never leave a man behind!
Jayson stops to pick up some Charmin Toilet paper, as a confused cameraman looks on.
What..what the hell are you talking about?
Did you just curse at me, fella? I will smack your sister..you hear me?
What? You know, why do I have to interview the retarded Senator/Bar Owner who doesn't even want to wrestle?
Who you talking about? I may want to meet him..kinda sounds like a guy I'd like.
(Sigh) Man..what the..
Oh hey, can you get me those cucumbers, for some reason my mom wanted them specifically, though I don't remember a meal on the menu with them.
Get your own!
They're on your side!
The cameraman looks at the almost serious looking Wonder, then sighs again, and reaches over and picks up a cucumber..and hands it to Wonder
She asked for 39 of them. Here's a bag..
Wonder pulls out a plastic vegtable and hands it to the cameraman who begins to load the cucumbers into the bag.
Your pretty good at that! You must of been a grocery man before TnT!
What? Hell no. I went to Yale!
Never heard of it. Is it in Montana? And why did you go there just to learn how to work a camera?
What the..no..it's not in Montana, and this gig with TnT is just till I become a lawyer. I'm pretty good with electronics..so what the hay! Though I'd really like to be interviewing a Bucky, not you.
Bucky? The beaver? I love him!
Um..well..he's a wrestler, not a beaver.
So? What does all that mean? Haven't you ever heard of M & M's! I'm down with that homey..
Of course I've heard of M & M's! There tasty, and fun to eat, but..uh..why did you just say that?
What? THAT'S SICK! You eat white rappers! Damn hippo..get away from me! You probably want to molest that beaver man too, don't ya?
I don't eat white rappers, and I don't want to molest Bucky! I do eat M&M's though!
AAAAHHHHH!
Markus Jayson turns to run away, but the cameraman catches the side of his shirt, and yanks him toward him.
M & M's, THE CANDY! Now stop making a big fuss. Geez..
What's candy? Is it like a lollipop. And how did a white rapper like M & M's get a candy named after him?
Actually..it's EMINEM, the rapper.
Wow..I didn't know M & M's had wrappers. Much less a name. Hey, I guess they were right when they said you learn something new everyday!
Just then a cell phone rings. A puzzled look comes on the face of Markus Wonder, as he takes the phone out of his pocket.
What the hell is this contraption?
Answer it!
I don't even know what it is! Anyways, why the hell would I answer it, it aint talking to me.
Oh god!
The cameraman snatches the phone from Jayson, and answers it.
Hello..
Do I know you?
Do you know Markus..um...Markus..oh Wonder..Markus Wonder
It's Jayson you damn toad! Stupid ass Croaker!
IT'S
KROGER!..
Oh no..I was talking to..
The cameraman takes the phone off his ear
They hung up. Do you want your phone back?
What's that piece called again?
Oh just forget it. I'm keeping it!
We still got to go find eggs, come on.
Wonder and the cameraman begin to walk up the aisle, in quest for a dozen eggs.
So, what does it feel like to have your name being recognized by wrestling fans around the United States?
You people, out of my bar, know my name?
Well, your Markus Jayson. In the flesh. You and Kelvin are the incomparable 8th Wonder. One of the most popular tag teams ever.
Kelvin? Who the hell is that?
Your half brother Kel..oh wait..Staylor!
Oh, Oh, my fault. His real name is Kelvin? Damn..the saying isn't that you learn 2 new things everyday. Oh well..what were you talking about again?
Nothing. How about this..what wrestling moves have you perfected lately?
I know karate! And punches and kicks!
Isn't that Karate?
MAYBE! I don't know. Stay has been studying some new..what are they called..High Flying moves? He seems to be getting pretty good at the whole wrestling moves.
Well you gotta learn sometime.
No you don't. I haven't, and like you said, I'm comparable.
And half retarded?
What did you just call me? Oh..looky..
Markus Jayson's face lights up like a kid at a candy store as he turns into a aisle lined with different types, and sizes of ALARMS!
Hey, I gotta an idea!
What the hell are you doing?
You'll see in say..10 minutes!
Wonder walks over to the first Alarm, looks at his watch, smiles, and then begins to press some buttons. He smiles devilishly, and moves on to the next alarm. He repeats the process on EVERY alarm in the store, then walks back aver to the confused cameraman.
Let's go checkout. I'm tired of shopping.
Ok, but you got to tell me man, what the hell did you do back there?
Mama said patience is a virtue!
8 Minutes Later!
We are now at one of the many checkout lanes, the one with Markus Jayson and the TnT cameraman in it. We see Jayson nervously looking at his watch, as the person in front of him grabs his bag and leaves. Jayson begins unloading the cart for the cashier.
Cashier Lady:
Hello sir!
Markus Jayson:
Well hello there ma'am. how are you doing today on this glorious day?
Pretty good. Thanks for asking.
The cashier continues to check Jayson's groceries when an alarm is heard, beeping, far away. Then another begins to beep..then another..and another..and finally the only sound heard in the store are nearly 25 alarms going off at the same time!
Dang..ya'll are gonna need some assistance back there!
Yea..that's pretty weird though. Never happened before. Anyway, here is your bag, and have a nice day!
Well thank you.
Markus Jayson grabs his bags and begins to walk toward the exit. The cameraman runs to catch up, when he does, he grabs the arm of Jayson..
That was pretty shitty man..
Wonder smiles, and turns his back to the camera, and again begins walking to the exit without breaking stride
-Markus Jayson-
