Sketch Fly

Featuring:

-The Clean Up Brigade

-The 8th Wonder - Markus Jayson and Kelvin Staylor

-Jonny Fly

-and James Ramage as Jason Sparks

We fade into the living room of the Jonny Fly mansion. Fly is with two other men, noticed to be former TNT Head of Security and wrestler James Ramage, as well as Markus Jayson, one half of the comical tag team, The 8th Wonder. Fly is talking with both men..

Jonny Fly: 

Now listen guys, what they've asked me to do is an accurate portrayal of a day in the life of Jason Sparks. Now, I'm going to be his manager because I wouldn't DARE try to portray someone as prestigious as Sparks....and the fact I don't feel like having long black hair like a fuckin' fairy...so one of you have to be Sparks.

James Ramage:

ME!

Markus Jayson: 

No, god dammit, I'm Jason Sparks!

How are you going to be Jason Sparks when you can't even say the name right?! It's Jason F'N! Sparks! The King of Controversy baby!

Hmm, ok, I got an idea, we'll flip a turtle for it!

Fine!

Where the hell are you going to get a turtle?

Jayson scoffs at the statement, and reaches deep into his pocket and pulls out a live half-dollar sized turtle.

I take Dr. Snuggles everywhere with me! Now, were picking that Dr. Snuggles either lands on his top, or bottom, and since I have the turtle, I'll call it in the air..

Jayson tosses the turtle lightly into the air..

TOP!

You idiot...

By now the turtle has hit the ground, with the turtle's underside hitting first.

..it's a turtle! It has a rounded shell, and feet! It's only going to land one way!

Well, you don't have to be so mean about it, dirtball. I guess James is Jason F'N! Sparks..lucky bastard.

James has already started to do a little dance which culminates in him running out of the living room to change. Fly yells after him.

Remember, James, have you hair hang out in front of your face all gothicy-like!

That's not even a word.

How the hell would you know? You think Frito Lay is a sex position!

What! That's just what Stay told me to tell you, I wasn't being serious!

Whatever, man. I still remember the time you went hunting with your brother and shot him because you thought deer were orange!

Awe, come on buddy, your nitpicking now! You know he kinda looks like a deer!

By the way, where is your brother?

His speech lessons are running long. 

That figures, poor stuttering bastard.

By now James Ramage has returned. He is seen now wearing black windbreaker pants, a "Stronger than Death" replica shirt, and long black extensions on his hair. 

That was fast, are you ready?

Hell ya man, I get to go push people around, and fight everyone, I'm ready!

Ok, Markus, go drag your step-brother out of class, James and I are going to start.

Aye Aye, Captain!

The scene fades out from the living room.

The scene resumes now in the city of New York. It's nighttime in the Big Apple, the street lights are on, and the noise from downtown is just outside of earshot. We catch up with Jonny Fly and "Jason Sparks" just off of Main Street, in a run down part of the city. From the other side of the street, someone approaches.

??: Hey..Hey!

"Sparks" and Fly stop as the approaching figure comes closer. He's holding a little tin can in his hand. The man is obviously Kelvin Staylor dressed up as a homeless guy.

Homeless Guy: 

S..spare...spare change?

Sparks, in classic form, starts to go crazy.

WHAT? Do you know who I am?  I will stab you in the throat!

P..put money..i..in..cup

Come on Jason, let it go!

Oh, hell no! This little bitch is gonna die! Hi-ya!

Sparks karate kicks the homeless guy in the stomach sending the guy and his cup sprawling to the ground. Sparks pounces on the guy and begins to pound into his skull with lefts and rights. He grabs the guy and begins to bash his head onto the street before Fly pulls him off. Sparks grabs the tin can the man was carrying as he walks away and puts it in Fly's pocket..

Yo, man, hold onto this for me. I just robbed that bitch!

"Sparks" and Fly don't get more than 100 yards down the street when they have to stop. Standing in the middle of the street are two faces TNT fans should easily be able to recognize as Mike Graham and Corey Beardwood..The Clean Up Brigade. They approach "Sparks and his manager."

Mike Graham: 

Why don't you pick on some real wrestlers, Sparks!

Ramage turns to Fly.

Who the fuck are these guys?

The Clean Up Brigade. Former patsies of the Tag Team Division who doubled as TNT's first line of defense when people spill shit.

Janitors?

Precisely.

Sparks starts laughing at the sight of Graham and Beardwood.

Corey Beardwood:

What's so funny Sparks?

You two. Look at you, stepping out and picking a fight with the great Jason Sparks! Obviously your not familiar with my work. 

What's that? Trying to make everyone afraid of you, and then when shit doesn't go your way whining like the bitch you are?

Or could it be the random "beat downs" of TNT personnel?

That's the same thing dude!

Shut up Mike!

No, it's that I'm the rebel around here. Nothing matters to me, I don't care about anything, I'll fight anyone, and I'm really really good at it! And if you have a problem with that, I'm going to cut your skull open! What now?

Wow, sounds pretty scary. 

Ya, dude, please don't..uh..hurt us.

Is that sarcasm? Manager, hold this..I feel rage coming on. 

"Sparks" hands Fly one of his black hair extensions, and then walks up to the Clean Up Brigade. He immediately swings at Graham, missing badly. From behind Beardwood tackles Sparks and crushes his head into the side of the building to the left of them. Sparks crumbles to the ground.

JF: I think you guys were supposed to let him win. This is an 'accurate portrayal' remember.

MG: That IS an accurate portrayal! We'd fuck that bitch up.

JF: Oh hell, just act like you got the shit beat of you for the camera while I wake James up.

The Clean Up Brigade lay down on the street in awkward positions as Fly goes over an revives "Jason Sparks." He gets to his feet, and looks around dumbfounded..

What happened, man? 

Oh, it was the craziest thing. You were karate kicking Graham and poking Beardwood in the eye at the same time, and then you dropped both of them with your patented...whatever move you do..and then all of a sudden a big gust of wind came and blew you into that building over there. Totally fluke thing.

Ya, that figures. Something's always trying to hold me down. Whether it be Nic Hay, or International Incident, or in this case, Mother Nature herself. Look at these guys, man, I beat them into, like, November. They're probably enjoying turkey and stuffing with the family right now. 

Ya, uh, let's keep walking.

Sparks and Fly continue to the end of road where a crowd of people have gathered around a sign that reads "Please everyone crowd around to make Jason Sparks feel important."

Oh, ya, I hope you don't mind, I set up a live interview for you with Markus Jayson. 

At the end of the street?

Well ya, but I mean look at the crowd, that's gotta be at least...14..15 people. Maybe your biggest crowd ever for a LIVE interview, Jason.

You know, your right, I think it is. Your doing a great job as my manager. So who is this Markus Jayson guy?

Oh, he's one of the best in the business. Used to wrestle in the Tag ranks, did a run as TV Champ, then became a color commentator, but left the business to pursue bigger and better things. Looks like he's returned just to get the story on you.

Pssh, figures. They all want a piece of the Sparks.

By now Sparks and Fly have reached the interview, uh, site. They're two wooden chairs set up inside the circle of people. On one chair sits Markus Jayson, and Sparks walks through the crowd of people and plops down in the other. Fly takes a spot standing behind him.

MJ: I must say, Jason, the honor is mine. 

Well, I mean, that's pretty much the normal. I would like to thank all my fans for coming, but Jason Sparks has a lot going on. I still have to trim back my roses, powder my asshole for Carly tonight, and try to find riches using my metal detector at the beach, so if we could hurry this up..

Ok, ok, your opponent this week has been called "The King of the Shoot" on occasion, and your comeback to some harsh words was..um..something like..I dont know..don't underestimate me or some shit. Why so weak on the comeback, Jason?

I don't need to do my talking outside the ring, because I do it inside the ring. Did you know I once beat Mind's Eye?! Mind's EYE! Who has Fly beat? Has he ever beat Michael Edwards or someone like that?

Um, ya, actually.

Nic Totopoulous?

Yep.

Shadow? Sean Segrada? Mir....

Not to interrupt you your highness, but every member of the TNT and UWA Hall of Fame that he's faced, he's beaten. Hell every TNT World Champion he's ever faced, he's beaten. And honestly, Mills beat Mind's Eye too, it's not a real big deal anymore.

Listen, I'm just Jason ya know? It's me, Jason S.P. I don't know much about the history around here, but I don't care. I can't help that I'm the best wrestler in the universe. I try to keep humble, but it's hard man, it's a real struggle. But I'm telling you this, I'm going to re-write all that history.

The ever random Markus Jayson, changes the subject dramatically.

How come you beat up homeless people?

Fly laughs slightly, drawing a look from Sparks's actor.

Well Markus, I look at it this way. They are the scum of the earth. They sit around in boxes and hassle you when you walk by them, and eat trash. It's truly pathetic, and as future ruler of the world, I see society benefiting from their demise. So..in true "King of Controversy" fashion, I take matters into my own hands every chance I get.

Speaking on Controversy, I was talking to Nic Hay earlier today and he mentioned that you spread rumors that Nicky Mills has a saggy Kelvin Staylor-looking urethra. Why, oh why Jason, would you do such a thing?

Nicky Mills has been running from me since I stepped into this company!

Actually, and I hate to keep correcting someone who obviously knows much more than me about everything, but Nicky came to TNT looking for you.

Oh, well, he should be running. Lest I remind you, who I am?

No, please no! Next question. When people think of Jason Sparks, what do you want them to think of?

Rage and passion. I really am an angry guy. I'm pissed off at everything! Sometimes I just go home, and bring out my knife, and just start stabbing everything I see. That kind of rage, sometimes it's probably not safe for people to be in the ring with me.

I got a question that I think everyone is wondering.

No, shut your god damn mouth, I'm the interviewer here!

Markus..

Ok, go ahead.

This Jonny Fly character has 50 career wins, 5 World Titles, and is sitting in the Hall of Fame. People are wondering how you can justify saying that he needs the match more than you. 

I've already explained it. Fly has built himself up so high, that every-time he loses, he looks like a failure.

See, in my eyes, Fly's resume is what has built him up, and he just feeds off of it. He's still human, and losses do, occasionally, once every couple years,  happen.

Ya, and don't be a hypocrite and say that with as "confident" as you are, that if you had half the accolades he has you wouldn't be shoving it into the face of your crappy opponents either.

Did you just call Jason Sparks crappy?

What? No..you mis...

THAT'S IT! This interview is over, and next time I see you I'm going to put a knife into your spleen!

Jason gets up from his seat and runs away from the interview site. Fly runs with him and when they are a safe distance away from the dispersing "crowd" they begin to talk.

What's wrong man?

You..you really put me on the spot there. I mean, I try, I try so hard to get people do fear me and something like that...it just..takes everything out of me. Why would you do that?

I mean the people wanted to know, Jason. I thought you, being you, would be able to answer that. I didn't know!

Just..just leave me alone. I need to be alone, maybe dancing and sing to Carly under the stars or something. Maybe see if she has a magic elixir to get my confidence back up. Jus...Just leave me be.

Fly stops walking alongside "Sparks" and stands there on the sidewalk as The Clean Up Brigade and The 8th Wonder join him.

James went to put something in his ass, I think he really went emotional on us playing Sparks. Anyways, I guess we'll cut footage there.

S..super d..do..dooper.

Shut up bitch, you know you shouldn't talk. You make everyone retarded.

H..Hey J..Jon..Jonny do I..g..get my cup..um..cup back?

Hell no! This is gas money!

With that, the scene cuts out from New York.