So I've found myself sleeping about 3 periods a day. I dont know if my sleeping hours are just weird....or the possiblity that I'm becoming depressd. Shit has been coming down and blowing up for the past week or so that I've gotten to the point of not caring about anything or anyone. My barrier has been broken and now no one is here to protect me from the harshness of reality. I knew reality all along. But somehow I put on my face and covered my heart and acted like everything was good....when it wasnt. I guess I'm just tired of being someone I'm not. Or maybe I just dont know who I am. Because I lost myself long ago....and I dont even know where to begin to look. No one is here to help me or save me. Im alone....lost in a dark room with no doors. The only thing I have is God. But on a lighter note! My dance audition is tomorrow and I'm scared out of my mind. Yay.
11-9-02
Went out with Ash today. Saw my Gramps. (YAY!!! :-) ) Got in another fight with the parental units. GRRRR!! I think I'm going mad. I cant wait till dance starts up and I can go whenever I feel like it and dance away my agression. Which I seem to have alot of lately. Eh....Im bored...I dont wanna type anymore.
11-14-02
HA!! I almost have my ariel!!! YES!!! Anyways dance is going well. I have no time anymore. So I'm puttin up a calender of my weeks and if you want me you're gonna have to e-mail me or sign the guestbook in order to get me for that day/hour.
11-17-02
I quit. I fucking quit. Fuck school, fuck parents, friends, people....fuck life. We're all gonna die anyways....right? So whats the point? Why not disobey your parents they'll be dead in a few years anyways....not like it matters much. Who cares. Who fucking cares. Because I sure as hell dont give a fuck.
11-28-02
Life is good....I guess. Dance is going well. Ummm....I really have no time for myself. Not that I did in the first place....haha but now its definate. I cant remember the last time I wrote. Makes me sad. :-( Plus I really have no inspiration right now....its hard for me to write "happy" poetry. I can only write sad, twisted, and love poems. I dont have a crush, and I'm not fighting with anybody....so therefore....Nothing! Blah. Lately I've found Im becoming obsessed with A Perfect Circle. Which isnt a bad thing....b/c they're really good. I just find it odd that my taste went from screaming hard rock all the way to something you would find in a vampire movie.....or something? LOL
Hmmm...I'm learning to let the little things go...like all the little "piss me off" things. And I'm learning to be more patient with people....this doesnt mean I'll take their shit however. I'm still having issues w/ the rents about "partying too much" and "never at home..always out with your friends" issues. But...eh....who cares?? LOL Life is certainly becoming interesting tho. heh
11-30-02
Blah to John. LOL what a freak!! LMAO!!
Well, he moved out of the house. :-( I'm really gonna miss him. He was like another brother. *sigh* Apparently college applications are due monday...and I have about hmmm....NONE done! Shit I'm really about to crack down on myself. :-/
What else...I've written 2 poems in 2 days! Which is good cause I havent written in months! YEESH! I saw my Gramps today. YAAAAAY!!! I was so happy!! Mom cut my hair....doesnt look....toooo bad. LOL But as soon as I was on my way home about 50 ppl called me and asked to hang out....so I TRIED to incorporate them all....it worked for the most part. But if certain PEOPLE would get ALONG with other PEOPLE we...no wait....I wouldnt have such a hard time!! Blah to people!! LOL I luv you guys.
K Im tired.
12-1-02
Today was good. Kinda relaxing. I got 2 college applications done, studied for a test, and did homework. Then I hung with Syd and Andy. SO yay I feel so on top of everything.....for the moment. This is week is gonna suck major! I have an art proj. due friday that I still need 5 pics for. Which is gonna suck. And I have dance and clubs and papers and a contest to enter. YEESH I'm gettin tired from even thinking of it. I finally saw Almost Famous! (hehe Marielle!!) Its now my new fav. movie. It reminds me of this certian group of guys in this certain band I happen to know. ;-) Anyhow my psych. teacher decided to give us a test the day after break so Im off to bed so I can concentrate tomorrow. Then after school its off to dance once again. YAY Blah!
12-4-02
AHHH!!! Its so freakin cold!!! YEESH!! I'm really REALLY hoping to not have school tomorrow. :-/ *crosses fingers* Well I think Andy is extrememly hot!!! DAMN!!! (side note: I only put last sentence in there b/c Andy told me to LOL) Hehehe. ;-) Well I have dance 4 days a week now. Just for those who didnt know. Blah. Ok I'm bored with writing.