Deep
Thoughts
-
I can please only one person per
day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
-
I don't have an attitude problem.
You have a perception problem.
-
Last night I lay in bed looking
up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where is the ceiling?!"
-
Show me a man with both feet firmly
on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off!
-
Minds are like Parachutes. They
work best when open. Just make sure the strings are still attached.
-
If nothing sticks to Teflon, then
how does it stick to the pan?
-
Young at Heart. Slightly Older
in Other Places.
-
We have strange and wonderful relationship.
You're strange and I'm wonderful.
-
Having an out of body experience.
Back in five. (I like that one! )
-
Time is Nature's way of making
sure that everything doesn't happen all at once.
-
If at first you don't succeed,
to heck with it. (and it is also not a good motto if you want to try sky-diving....)
-
Never put off until tomorrow what
you can avoid doing all together.
-
I love deadlines. I especially
like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
-
The trouble with being in the rat
race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-
Two wrongs don't make a right,
but three rights make a left.
-
If swimming is so good for your
figure, how do you explain whales?
-
Am I getting smart with you?
....How would you know?
-
Everyone has a right to be stupid.
Some just abuse the privilege.
-
Not one shred of evidence exists
in favor of the idea that life is serious.
-
Life is like a box of chocolates.
It's full of nuts.
-
All I ask is that you treat me
no differently than you would the Queen.
-
I'm not just a gardener, I'm a
Plant Manager.
-
I am Woman. I am Invincible. I
am Tired.
-
My Reality Check bounced. (Another
one of my favourites.)
-
I get plenty of exercise-jumping
to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
-
Q: How many lawyers does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
-
On the keyboard of life, always
keep one finger on the escape key.
-
The Truth is Out There. So what
are you doing Here?!
-
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
-
Sweat is nature's way of showing
you your muscles are crying.
-
Just remember, no matter where
you go, there you are.
-
There are two rules for ultimate
success in life:
1. Never tell everything you know.
2. Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get
you.
-
I am not a vegetarian because I
love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-
I'd explain it to you, but your
brain would explode.
-
When I get to where I'm going,
will somebody please tell me where I am?
-
Motherhood: the longest guilt trip
you'll ever take.
-
Tell me what you need, and I'll
tell you how to get along without it.
-
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't
get sucked into jet engines.
-
Do not meddle in the affairs of
cats, for they are subtle and will Whiz on your computer.
-
Someday we'll look back on all
this and plow into a parked car.
-
Do not meddle in the affairs of
dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
