August 24th I was supposed to leave for France. On August 23rd I went over to L.A. to the French Consulate to get my visa. Turns out I made a slight oversight on the requirements list to get it. I didn't have a copy of my most recent degree, or, a copy of my current transcripts. They've added a couple things since the last time I went. A simple call to the university should have been sufficient to get a copy, but of course, I couldn't get ahold of anybody. It's almost as if the office I needed to speak with just didn't exist that day. Then I tried the internet. What a surprise when I couldn't print the one thing I needed. Of course, I was trying all this with barely enough money to get anything printed and certainly not enough to get a calling card to call someone useful.
I used every resource I had to try to make this happen. Fourteen months of planning destroyed in a moment. I asked the clerk at the Kinko's where I'd used the internet: "Is it possible to make a long distance call from here?" Answer: "No, there's a payphone just outside." The payphone... The one thing I couldn't use. And in that moment, I had nothing left.
I suppose there are other things I could have done with those couple hours I had to make it all come together. In the end, I made a business decision to quit. I only got as far as I did because of the generosity of other people. If I had thought ahead, even a little bit more, I would have at least had enough to get myself a phone card to flail around calling people to help me.
But at that moment I chose to stop using other people to continue my fights. I keep putting myself in situations where I am forced to rely on other people to get things done. Getting help is one thing, but getting bailed out is entirely another. I'm tired of relying on other people. I want more. So now, I'm gonna go get it myself.
So as it stands, my dreams of being a rockstar have been completely crushed; with absolutely no hope of being revived unless the hand of God Himself comes down to destroy the fragile ears of all human beings so that even the sound of a cat in heat is pleasing to the ear. Then, and only then, will I become a rockstar.
