So what should I do? Pretend my crush on Clay doesn't exist. I tried that crap before and it only drove me crazy. I know I should not fan this fire and I have actually succeeded to some degree in holding my passions at bay, but one thing holds true; I am a human being and not the proverbial man from Mars or any of that nonsense.
So what about my wishing Clay was my boyfriend or whatever? That is simply my infatuation. I know that ain't gonna happen, but to quote Aiken "A guy can dream!" Like I would really tell Clay I want him for a boyfriend if I ever met him...Har-dee-har-har!

While the bulk of my feelings toward Clay are infatuation, there are also some other elements of my crush that I would like to express here and build them up because they are worthy of notice.
Crushes, you see, tend to make you have "tunnel vision" to where the person who is the object of the crush can do no wrong, at the same time, it makes one focus on the person and learn more about him or her and thus can be a catalyst toward seeing that person differently after the crush is over. It's like falling in love but there is more beyond the "Honeymoon". I wold like to think of my crush on Clay Aiken sort of like a vacation from reality. While I still live in the here and now, it affords me a refrshing time where I can just forget my troubles and have a little fun.

Some of my co-workers who are gay have noticed how I have totally gone ga-ga over Clay and they think it's cute, especially when I get all glibby and dancing to Invisible or jokingly saying he is my "better half" or - as I said to someone who calls Justin Timberlake his "husband" - I told him "well there is my husband!" as I pointed to the ceiling speakers while Invisible was playing. "Clay Aiken?" he would ask and a smile would break across my face and threaten as I light up. It's such a rush, gay or straight, it's all the same when you got the Love Bug. It's trully wonderful and uplifting.

When it's over, maybe I can come away with something valuable, even inspirational. It's sort of funny, but since I began crushin' on Clay, my lustful thoughts which I had sometime ago, have fallen by the wayside as I have learned about his Christian walk. And as far an my gay feelings are concerned, that is all they could ever be. I don't say this merely because Clay is out of my reach (THAT'S OBVIOUS!).

Let me quote here what I stated in a thread that was originally supposed to be a gayboy's fantasy thread - but turned into another debate about Aiken's sexual orientation as if I doubted he was straight on the Official Clay Aiken Site's forum:

"As far as if Clay were gay, and had actually sought such a relationship with me, I do not believe I could ever touch him - what I mean by "touch" here is: reciprocation. I believe I would be afraid to accept his advances and would definitely remind him of his Christian faith.

There are some gay people who believe that they can still be Christians. If Clay contended this, I would not agree with such a contention. The point of this post in to say that just because I have gay feelings for Clay and have wished he could love me like that, deep down, I do not wish such. Now it is so easy for people who do not struggle with being gay to spout off a bunch of "oh that is wrong" "Christian teaching is against being gay" and such, it is totally a different ballgame to live as if my gay feelings did not exist. It takes more than just "not acting on them". I believe that that is apart of dealing with them but it's a lot more involving in that. As for the one who said that if Clay were gay he would not act on them, that is true. My only hope would be that he would not try to act like they don't exist. That would be like pretending that, though the building you are is on fire, and you can see the flames, feel the heat and smell the smoke, and yet go and act like it ain't happening would be foolish and in this case, deadly.You must leave the building. Yes, gays need to not live that way ALL THE SAME as any other sinners must not live in sin be it being gay, lying, stealing etc. As for what I feel about Clay, it's very real and to ignore it would only hurt me. It's obviously that I cannot "act" on a "what if" situation but I just want to state for the record that if in some twist of fate such a situation did arise, I could not act on it, anyway even thought I am infatuated with Clay. I am glad that I can at least say that, that I would care more about Clay's spiritual walk than my feelings."