The following draft comes off a bit harsh and insensitive as well as preachy. It was the first one written.

Dear Mrs. Aiken
      I I do not know what you think of all this...A boy in love with your son. In a worse case scenerio, I am a monster whom you would protect him from. You may think all I care about is wanting him sexually or maybe because he is a celebrity or for money, noteriety etc. If this is the case, please realize that I too have a mother who loves me with all her heart and who would feel the same if she thought someone - even Clay - would want to harm me (If this situation were reversed)
      I However, I am not some nut-case stalklaratzi. This is not a nasty website, either nor one of crazy and lusthound fantasies. It is one of admiration and yes, romantic feelings for Clay. I am a person who knows better. Infatuation and school boy crushes are one thing. Being a psychotic lunatic who obsesses over harming someone or paparatzi are another ballgame entirely.
      Sinful? Oh I will give you that, I am a sinner but I do not want to revel in that but nor do I want to just pretend this thing does not exist. I am not trying to boast about it that's why I express that I am aware of what is going on. I did not just wake up one day and go "I think I will fall in love with Clay Aiken today". I don't care what people say but crushes come when they will, you can do what you can to try to avoid...or even cause them. Back in 1999, I tried to "fall in love" with Christina Aguilera. Nothing happened. Was she sexy? Yes, but she did not turn me on. I have had crushes on girls before I was actually crushin' on one at that time but I wanted it to go away so I tried to get into Christina Aguilera. Crushes come when the come and you cannot really do anythhing about them. I never saw Clay Aiken coming. Just a week before the concert, Britney Spears favorite star but it was not a crush and I was find and dandy with that. Clay Aiken devoured her!
      Should you judge me on your own imperfect standards? Did not Jesus die for me? Yes I should repent but does repent mean to just ignore what I feel. I tried that and it was like putting gasoline on a fire to put it out, great choice!
      As for Clay, I would not touch him. Not because of his body guard, either. I know he is not gay as some circles like to say. But suppose if that were the case, just suppose for a moment and suppose that my fantasy could come true. You know what, I would runaway. I would not want him to be gay I could not do it. I care more about his spiritaul walk and him as a person to do that.
      I want you to know that I have pushed lustful thoughts toward him away. I have not been perfect, but since this "crush" kicked in I cannot entertain lustufl thinking toward Clay. It's pretty difficult to think that way when I heard him sing that Christian song at the show.

      ---------------------- End of first Draft -------------------------

Here is a revised version that also did not make the cut for again, being too pushy.

Dear Mrs. Aiken
      I do not know what you think of all this...A boy in love with your son. In a worse case scenerio, I am a monster whom you would protect him from. Perhaps, you may think all I care about is wanting him sexually, that I would prey on his innocence and lead him astray. Maybe you think I'd only want him because he is a celebrity or for money, noteriety etc. All of these feelings are natural and even expected. I too have a mother who loves me with all her heart and who would feel the same if she thought someone - even Clay(If this situation were reversed) might want to take advantage of, exploit or harm me. I do not want to even try to argue the issue. Your feelings are totally understandable and justified and I can relate
      I can understand that you may have more of an issue with me because I am gay. Now I know saying this may not be very convincing but please let me say it anyway: What I am having is simply a schoolboy crush on Clay and I do not think sexual thoughts about him. Having said that I hope you will read on and even check out the rest of this site and see that it is not themed with sexual thinking toward your wonderful son. While your will find romantic feelings, the elements of a schoolboy crush, you will not find this site lewd, nasty nor sex-themed.
      OK, so being gay is wrong and you do not like the idea of Clay with another boy. I also understand this and agree that you totally have a right in feeling uncomfortable at my having a crush on Clay. I want you to know that while I have a crush on Clay and have "wished" he was my boyfriend, deep in my heart, I could never trully want Clay to be gay. I respect him and his not being gay and I am sharing this with you as a way of being vulnerable to you.
      In all truth, yes, I have had lustful thoughts, but they were long before there was any crush. Back then, he was just another face that I would see and throw into my lustful fantasies. There was no distinction between him being Clay Aiken or the guy walking down the street. Obviously I don't go around trying to hit on everybody I have lusted at. Nobody does that. People lust all the time but nobody knows who is lusting at who. All I knew about him, was that he sang Invisible and had been on American Idol - A show I never watched (and still don't because my TV does not get anything for diddly unless I get a cable).
      Like I said already, Clay Aiken was no different to me than that guy (or girl in some cases that I would see somewhere and lust at in my mind). Lusting is a part of human nature and I am no more guilty of it than the next person. Surely you know there are girls who lust at your son, while that is to a degree better because it's "normal" (still sinful, however) lusting is lusting. Did I do worse when I lusted than that girl? This is not an attempt to try to justify what I did, but I cannot and do not feel like I am a monster for having the same human tendencies as the other person. Would my mere lusting at Clay be worse than a girl who may have married him and than divorced him and "took him to the cleaners?" Just because I am gay does not make me less human. Yes it has been said that it's an abomination, but sin is sin. Again, I am not trying to justify it, but would my mere lusting at Clay be worse than someone who might try to get him into drugs? To break the law? To abandon his faith?. I do not want Clay to compromise his beliefs! I would never -- if it were possible to -- try to get him to do any of these things or anything else that would jepordize his beliefs, his being right with the law, his health or his life. Does that still make me sinless even thought I am gay? Does it take away from the fact that my lusting at him is wrong? No and no.
      I hope this helps you see that though I have a crush on Clay, that does not mean that I would try to do something to persuade him to reciprocate it, OBVIOUSLY THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE(!!!!!), but I still mention it to show you my thinking and where my heart is.
      Now here comes the ironic part about my crush on Clay: My lustful thoughts for the most part, fallen by the wayside since I have gotten this crush on Clay. It seems that the lusting tide totally turned after that night on 4/13/04! Later on that same night at karaoke, when I was talking to someone about Clay and I had shown him my Tour program, he said Clay is too precious to think about sexually. That is the most wonderful thing I ever heard about Clay. You know what, I have taken comment that to heart and IT IS THE PREMISE for this site. Your son is too precious in my eyes to thing about sexually(lust). Now I have had temptations and I have failed at some points but overall, I do not lust for Clay. This would have continued on had I never got a crush on Clay. I am not excusing having a crush but it's caused me to see Clay differently and you can't knock that.
      Now, surely you have heard talk in the media about Clay being gay - it's all rumour just like all the crap you probally had to deal with in High School. Maybe you have heard it from him, from the media, or gossip, or both. I know this must hurt and I wish I could make it stop. I know how gossip and this kind of speculation feels. I have had my share of this diabolical culture in my days. No matter what you try to do to not look out of place, it just does not work, as if you have some kind of invisible sign on you that says "I'm Gay" or "I'm a Weirdo" or "I'm a Geek" or whatever. It's the proverbial "Kick Me" sign you don't know you are wearing and you wonder why you keep getting kicked. I am not going to be apart of this speculation. As far as I am concerned, Clay is NOT gay.
      Now I must confess, however; that I have thought about the "what if". At first I thought it in light of my being in love with him - my a romantic dream of going out together, holding hands, and such...Then (AND HERE IS THE REASON I MENTIONED THINKING THE "WHAT IF"), as I thought deeper about it I thought of how I could never want any such relationship with him, had I had such a chance. I thought of how I would want to remind him of his Christian values and beliefs. I would never want him to compromise his beliefs. In the end, I would never touch him!