Why did the Blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. (But why didn't she just walk around it?)
What do you call 10 Blondes standing in a row ear to ear? Wind tunnel.
Why do Blondes wear woolly undies? To keep their ankles warm.
What's the difference between a Blonde and her boyfriend? The Blonde has a higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a Blonde and a 747? Not everyone's been in a 747.
What do a Blonde and a 747 have in common? They both have cockpits.
What does a Blonde do when you tell her to look at the dead bird? Look up.
Why did the Blonde have a sore bellybutton? She had a Blonde boyfriend.
What's a Blonde's mating call? "Oh no, I think I'm drunk".
Why do Blonde's drive B.M.W.'s? Because they can't spell Porsche.
How does a Blonde commit suicide? Puts spikes in her shoulder pads.
What did the Blonde's mum say to the Blonde? If you're not in bed by 10, come home.
What's the first thing a Blonde does in the morning? Goes home.
What's a Blonde's idea of safe sex? Locking the car doors.
What's so special about a Blonde that's swallowed a fly? She's got more brains in her stomach than in her head.
What do you call a fly in a Blondes head? Space invader.
If a Blonde and a Brunette jumped off a cliff, who would hit the ground first? The Brunette, the Blonde stopped to ask for directions.
What do you call a Brunette standing between 2 Blondes? Interpreter.
Why did the Blonde dye her hair red? Artificial intelligence.
How can you tell if a Blonde has had a good night? Her undies will stick to the wall.
How can you tell if a Blonde's been using your computer? There's white-out on the screen, a condom on the joystick a tampon in the disk drive and cheese in front of the mouse.
How can you tell if a Blonde's had a bad day? She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
How do you make a Blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a torch in her ears.
What do you call a Blonde with a runny nose? Full.
What's the definition of a Redhead? A burnt out Blonde.
Why don't Blondes become politicians? They're over qualified.
Why do blondes have sunrooves in their cars? Somewhere to put their legs.
Two blondes are driving along when they see a third blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a wheat field, happily pulling at the oars. The first blonde says "You know, it's blondes like that that give us a bad name." and the second replies "Yeah, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her.". Two blondes are walking in the forest when they come across a set of tracks. The first says "Hey, look at those deer tracks." and the other replies "Those aren't deer tracks, they're wolf tracks.". And they argue about it for the next twenty minutes until both are hit by a train. What do you call a blonde on a Harley wearing a leather jacket? Rebel without a clue.
What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth.
Why do Blondes have clear lunchbox lids? So they know if it's morning or afternoon.
How can you tell that a fax is from a Blonde? There's a stamp on it.
How do you confuse a blond? You don't, they're born that way.
What's a blonde with saw dust on her head? A blonde with an external memory.
Three women are standing in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy examinations. One is a red-head, one is a brunette and the third is a blonde. The red-head says "i'm gonna have a boy 'cuz i was on the top" The brunette says "i'm gonna have a girl 'cuz i was on the bottom" The blonde quickly puts her hands to her face and says in fright "oh no! i'm gonna have a puppy!" A blonde has been working in a broom factory since childhood. But one day, she storms into the managers office and exclaims "I quit this job, I'am not working here anymore". The manager naturally does not want to lose a hardworking and beautiful girl, so he calm's her down and ask's her what the problem is. After a lot of cajoling, she finally tells him "I've been working here so long with the bristles that I've grown them between my legs." At this the manager laughs and tells her that it's a common thing and happens to everyone as they grow older. But she does not believe him, so finally he locks the door and tells her "Look, I'll prove it to you. I'll drop my pants and you can see that I've grown them too." So, he strips in front of her. At this, the blonde cries out, "Oh my God! It's worse than I thought. You've grown the broom handle as well." A blonde and a brunette were walking past a flower shop when the brunette happened to notice her boyfriend buying flowers. "Oh no, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again for no particular reason," sighed the brunette. The blonde looked at her friend oddly and said, "What's the big deal? Don't you like getting flowers?" "Oh, sure I do, but I really don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde thought for a moment and then asked, "Don't you have a vase?" A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York. John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy. "All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look." So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the cornflakes back in the box."
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied,"I'll take that bet!" Anyway, s ure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet". So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money". The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade: Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's 18.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
How do blonde braincells die? Alone.
What do you call a blonde with brain cells? Pregnant.
How do you brainwash a blonde? Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence
How does a blonde part their hair? (Action of scissoring legs apart) By doing the splits
Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together! .
What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They've never met
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! .
When does a brunette have / of a brain? After a dye job.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? She'd just dyed her hair.
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? An IN-body experience! .
Why is a blonde like a turtle? They both get fucked up when they're on their back
What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears. .
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once
What do a blonde and your computer have in common? You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you
What did the blonde think of the new computer? She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno! .
How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in their shoulder pads
How do blondes pierce their ears? They put tacks in their shoulder pads
Why don't blondes eat Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? All you can eat, under a buck
Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.
They cant find the pull tab.
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? They have to have some place to rest their ankles
Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? To put their feet through. .
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles
Why do blondes wear green lipstick? Because red means stop. .
Why do blondes wear red lipstick? Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." .
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? By the lipstick on your cucumbers
Why don't blondes use vibrators? They chip their teeth
Why do blondes wear underwear? They make good ankle warmers. .
What do blondes do for foreplay? Remove their underwear.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? Cause their balls show!
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooo drunk!" .
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" .
How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was run over by the zambonis machine
What's a brunette's mating call? Has that blonde gone yet? When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? "All the blondes have gone home!"
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it. .
Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) Because they can spell it. .
What is to a blonde? plus G.S.T
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? Tits Go In Front.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block
How do you change a blonde's mind? Blow in her ear.
Buy her another beer
What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? "Have another beer." .
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? Pack their lunch and send them to work
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself. Or walks home
How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? Fertilized
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? Opens the car door
How do blondes turn the light on after sex? Kick open the car door.
Why do blondes like tilt steering? More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? More leg room
What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? Bucket seats
Why is a blonde like a door knob? Because everybody gets a turn
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? Because she's been laid all over the country
What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? .
Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? Who cares?
Why do blondes have orgasms? So they know when to stop having sex!
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? She drops her nail-file! Who cares? She says, "Next". The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
He's had his clothes for about minutes. A: I mean, who really cares? The batteries have run out.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!" What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer
Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings? So the crabs can go bungee-jumping. .
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil
What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" .
Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better.
They are easier to keep amused
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? "What's a lightbulb?" One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" .
What's a blonde's favourite wine? "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!" .
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A wine cellar
Why are there no dumb brunettes? Peroxide.
Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? They're doing research on black holes.
What does a peroxide blonde and a have in common? They both have a black box.
Both have a cockpit
What is the difference between a blonde and a ? Not everyone has been in a
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? Not everybody has been in a limo
What does a blonde say when she gives birth? Gee, Are you sure it's mine? .
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" .
What do you call blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel
What do you call blondes in a circle? A dope ring
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $ bill. Who picks it up? The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's 18.
