Things you would never hear a southerner say We don't keep firearms in this house. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say You can't feed that to the dog. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I thought Graceland was tacky. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Wreslin's fake. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say We're vegetarians. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Do you think my hair is too big? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Honey, these bonsai trees need watering? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Who's Richard Petty? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Give me the small bag of pork rinds. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Deer heads detract from the decor. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Spitting is such a nasty habit. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Trim the fat off that steak. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say The tires on that truck are too big. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I've got it all on a floppy disk. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Unsweetened tea tastes better. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Would you like your fish poached or broiled? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Checkmate. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Does the salad bar have bean sprouts? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I don't have a favorite college team. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say I believe you cooked those green beans too long. 
Things you would never hear a southerner say Elvis who? 
Things you would never hear a southerner say be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side. 

