you Know your SERB when:  You're family still has the plastic covering on your sofa. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your mom uses lard instead of oil to fry eggs. 
you Know your SERB when:  After Slava, you take the head from the spit to school for show-and-tell. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your family owns a coffee grinder and a nut grinder. 
you Know your SERB when:  You hang out with your friend's "cool parents" who let you smoke while drinking Turkish coffee. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your father tells you to crawl back into your mother's womb when you screw something up. 
you Know your SERB when:  You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name. Grandpa has the Inland Steel 25 year club hat and license plate frame and lost three fingers achieving that milestone. 
you Know your SERB when:  Duct tape is your father's only tool next to using a kitchen knife as a screwdriver. 
you Know your SERB when:  Baba chased you around the house with chamomile to drink and rakija (slivovitz) to rub on your chest when you had a cold. 
you Know your SERB when:  Grandpa still sports the Dinarska Divizija lapel pin. 
you Know your SERB when:  There's a bust of Cica Draza in your house and a hand made afghan on your recliner. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your family owns a turntable and an 8 track so your parents can listen to Tozovac. 
you Know your SERB when:  You live in Bonnyrigg, St John Park, Dandenong or Keysborough, and going to visit your aunty in Cabramatta or Springvale is too far, but driving up to St Sava in Canberra for the festival at a moments notice is OK. 
you Know your SERB when:  You pronounce Keysborough as Kizbara. 
you Know your SERB when:  You can hear Ceca pumping in your car, with the subs cranked to the max, two blocks away. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your 15-year-old sister can out-drink any Aussie. 
you Know your SERB when:  You get a C in history, but can recite every Serbian king, in order from Czar Dusan on. 
you Know your SERB when:  Grandpa goes to church in a suit and tennis shoes. 
you Know your SERB when:  You haven't seen Grandma's hair since Grandpa died. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your co-workers know the history of Yugoslavia. 
you Know your SERB when:  Grandpa doesn't own a red tie or shirt. 
you Know your SERB when:  You swear something stupid when greeting a friend "pa jebote konju bre u picku materinu, gde si mi ti???!!!" - I'm not even going to BOTHER to translate this! 
you Know your SERB when:  You wind up in jail before your brother's wedding for shooting a 9mm in the middle of a subdivision during the wedding gathering. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your parents decided it was time for you to learn English two weeks before you started kindergarten. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad never told you about the birds and the bees. 
you Know your SERB when:  You take out a Serb girl for the first time and your parents give you an extra $100 "to have good time" and they buy ducats the next day for the girl just in case "da nesto bude" - translation "in case you decide to get married". 
you Know your SERB when:  You never went out on a Friday nights because you danced folklor. 
you Know your SERB when:  You understand what 'made in garage' really means. 
you Know your SERB when:  A week after every Slava, Christmas and Easter you are still eating sarma and spit roasted pork. 
you Know your SERB when:  At every celebration you get served the same food, the 4s's: supa (soup), sarma, svinjetina (pork) and salata (salad). 
you Know your SERB when:  At parent teacher interviews your parents tell the teacher to hit you if you don't behave. 
you Know your SERB when:  When upon returning from your holidays everyone at the airport is staring at you because you suitcase smells of rakija. 
you Know your SERB when:  You explain to your friends that your parents aren't alcoholics even though it is morning and they are drinking spirits with their coffee and your dad drinks beer before midday. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your colleagues are impressed that you have an investment property and you have just started your first job. 
you Know your SERB when:  After a few years of working there is a pattern on your leave of absence card - you are sick every year on the 7th, 14th and 20th of January. 
you Know your SERB when:  You can dance "kolo' to ANYTHING including Serbian rock! 
you Know your SERB when:  At your wedding you know only about a third of the people there. 
you Know your SERB when:  At your wedding you have a minimum of 350 guests. 
you Know your SERB when:  At your wedding the first song is always "danas majka zeni svoga sina" - translation "the mother's son's getting married today" - hard to translate. 
you Know your SERB when:  At your wedding, if you're over thirty, the song that gets requested more than "danas majka zeni svoga sina" is "prodje leto trideseto" - translation "your 30th summer has passed". 
you Know your SERB when:  You have at least 3 slave to attend to on the same day. 
you Know your SERB when:  All slave have the same cuisine "soup, sarma, spit roasted pork". 
you Know your SERB when:  All weddings have the same cuisine "soup, sarma, spit roasted pork ". 
you Know your SERB when:  All christenings have the cuisine "soup, sarma, spit roasted pork". 
you Know your SERB when:  You're a serb girl who tries to look 23 but is actually 15. 
you Know your SERB when:  At least one of your friends name is "Dragan". 
you Know your SERB when:  You are somehow related to 1 out of 3 Serb girls/boys. 
you Know your SERB when:  You don't actually attend University, just hang out there and play "tablic" - a card game. 
you Know your SERB when:  You can derive "Steve" from "Nenad". 
you Know your SERB when:  You can derive "David" from "Zeljko". 
you Know your SERB when:  You can derive "Mark" from "Mirko". 
you Know your SERB when:  Your father calls you a "dummy" for not knowing how to do something he can't either. 
you Know your SERB when:  Even the fat Serb chicks put on the tightest skirt possible - sad but true. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your father expects you to study or "hit the books" every waking hour that he's home, and he expects nothing less than an "A". 
you Know your SERB when:  A cold shiver runs down your spine when your mom threatens by using the word "dad" in a sentence. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your Grandpa cuts the grass with knee high black socks and slippers. 
you Know your SERB when:  The mention of "Australians" and "Australia" makes your parents/grandparents go into fits of rage against the "skippy pooftas"! 
you Know your SERB when:  You work out six days a week, but somehow you dad whoops your ass in five seconds after he comes home from a thirteen hour day from the bakery/factory/food business. 
you Know your SERB when:  You own a leather jacket. 
you Know your SERB when:  You have three pairs of black shoes. 
you Know your SERB when:  You drive a nicer car than your parents. 
you Know your SERB when:  There is a 120-gallon barrel of sauerkraut in your garage. 
you Know your SERB when:  There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar. 
you Know your SERB when:  You hear birds chirping and see the sun rise every time you come home from the bar. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your mother still makes your bed. 
you Know your SERB when:  You are 18 years old but your parents still call you by your brother's name. 
you Know your SERB when:  Every car your family owns has chrome wheels. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your Grandma calls all cereal "Corn Flakes". 
you Know your SERB when:  You can hear your dad snoring from across the street. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad wears black socks to work everyday. 
you Know your SERB when:  You wear a DKNY T-shirt when you work out. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your parents never go on vacations because they are afraid to leave you at home alone for a week. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your Grandma swears more than you do. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad claims not to be a racist but insists the whole world should speak Serbian. 
you Know your SERB when:  You are prohibited from speaking English in you own home. 
you Know your SERB when:  Before school every morning your parents had to look after the sheep, milk the cows, gather all hay, feed the animals, etc… 
you Know your SERB when:  Both your parents had to walk to school barefoot in the snow, 5km uphill both ways, and over rocks. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your parents can't pronounce "Thursday" - pronounced "Trzday" 
you Know your SERB when:  Your parents try, but can't pronounce "Happy Birthday" - pronounced "Heppy Brzday" 
you Know your SERB when:  You argue that your mobile phone is better than anyone else's. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your mum makes her own bread and slices it with a BIG kitchen knife to a thickness of 5cm per slice. 
you Know your SERB when:  You have the biggest sandwiches at school, always consisting of "prosciutto or salami". 
you Know your SERB when:  You open up your fridge and all you see on the top shelf is bacon, prosciutto and kobasica (thin salami) in the meat category; onions and hot capsicum in the vegetable category and kajmak (sour cream) for the dairy category. 
you Know your SERB when:  You open your fridge door and on the bottom you see a bottle of rakija your dad uses for the morning swig! 
you Know your SERB when:  Your garden is larger than the local nursery. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your driveway is big enough to accommodate a full size semi in it. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad wears dress socks with tennis shoes. 
you Know your SERB when:  Each one of your friends has a distinct, annoying laugh. 
you Know your SERB when:  All the hot girls/guys are your cousins. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad starts to swear obsessively whenever he watches CNN. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your parents have gone on vacation ONCE and it was to Yugoslavia. 
you Know your SERB when:  There's oil stains on your driveway. 
you Know your SERB when:  You know at least one person living off a workers comp "injury"! 
you Know your SERB when:  There's at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to. 
you Know your SERB when:  Your dad thinks he knows everything about the world today. 
you Know your SERB when:  He also thinks that everything is a conspiracy between CIA and Vatican! 
you Know your SERB when:  At least once in your childhood you had to break off a tree branch from your back yard, so your dad could whoop your ass with it, to teach you a lesson. 
you Know your SERB when:  You say "faken" at a rate of 15-20 times per minute. 
you Know your SERB when:  You read this list to your parents and all they have to say in their defence is "IC NAT TRU!"


