Musuem Murder: Tails

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Dani peered through the archway leading to the museum room where *it* had happened. Kevin was sitting on the pedestal where a pot had once lived, that is, until it had died perhaps a minute before Biff did. Kevin nodded at Dani to acknowledge her presence, and she entered the room.

 

"When I was just a kitten" Kevin began, "I.. had this story my mother used to tell me at bedtime, the tale of the Lion and the Mouse. It seems there was a mighty Lion, King of the Jungle, and while he could conquer all, or so he thought, one day he got a thorn in his paw, a thorn so delicate his great claws couldn't get a grasp of it. He was in the greatest of agonies, when a Mouse appeared, pulled the thorn out, and they were the greatest of friends from that day onwards".

 

Dani nodded. "It's a lovely story. My mother used to tell it to me too"

 

"Yeah", said Kevin, in a non-committal way. "The funny thing is, if you tell it backwards, you have the story of a mouse and lion who were friends, right up until the point when the mouse sneaks up to the lion and jabs a sharp thing into him". On that point he swung himself off the pedestal with an unceremonial *thud*, landing somewhat awkwardly.

 

Dani's expression momentarily flickered. "That's the trouble if you put yourself up on pedestals" she said with a wry smile.

 

"Hmm" Kevin said, and walked over to look at the detail on a Persian rug hanging up on a wall. "So, Dani, mind if I ask you something?"

 

"Go for it, Kevin" Dani replied evenly, "This Dynasty isn't my specialty, but I can take you through the details of the Persian Wars of approximately 500 BC which had a formative influence on the design of the edging, with the interlaced spears representing the fact the Empire was at war during the making of this fine example of-"

 

"Not that," Kevin interrupted somewhat impatiently, "why did you do it?"

 

Dani frowned. "Kevin, I didn't. This is a genuine relic dating from the era of Xerxes' conquest to-"

 

Kevin clearly had an idea of where he wanted to conversation to go, however, and wasn't going to be dragged into discussing the Persian regime in light of the Ionian Revolution of 499 BC. "No, Dani. Why did you do *it*, to Biff. That night".

 

Dani wandered over to examine a reconstructed fresco, taken from a relief at Knossos.

 

"Kevin, I don't know what you're talking about. Neither do you. Do you want to-"

 

"Dani, it HAD to be you. I know how you did it, I know *you* did it.. but.. I can't figure out why. I mean, why Biff? Was he blackmailing you too? I di.. oh! Of COURSE!" Kevin's look of astonishment set Dani at ease. "It WAS you!" he said, with conviction.

 

"Ridiculous" she said, and tapped her clipboard at her side impatiently.

 

"Look at the facts, Dani. Who of us knew about the museum? Whose idea was it for a voluntary cultural night?"

 

Dani waved the speculation aside with a small clipboard motion.

"Standard stuff, Kevin. I arrange all sorts of University activities and schemes".

 

"This was a scheme, alright" Kevin agreed. "You pin up a few notices in unobtrusive places, sure that no one's going to pay too much attention to them, because let's face it, no one reads any notices you pin up, Dani".

 

Dani bristled at the comment, and Kevin hurriedly moved on to his next point.

 

"And you want us, you want ALL of us to be in this room at the time of the break-in, probably for a lot of suspects to be around and throw any suspicion off you. Of course, things didn't start too smoothly back in the hall with Mikey raising the correct point, of course, that the number of people who go to the museum isn't connected to its subsidy in any way. Cultural trusts ensure these places continue regardless of whether five or fifty people visit a day. So you hit Mikey with the clipboard and shut him up. You tell us we're going to the museum, and that's that".

 

"In an ideal world, perhaps subsidy and popularity wouldn't be related at all" Dani replied. "Unfortunately, the bean pushers at this University demand monetary contributions to parallel contribution to University culture, displayed obviously by the patronage of the students, and the museum funding IS affected by attendees".

 

Kevin took a breath and continued.

 

"Hmm. Anyway, it soon became clear to me that you didn't actually intend for us to go to the museum to make up some kind of attendance quota anyway".

 

"Well, I did". Dani said. "That was the exact reason why, Kevin".

 

"No, Dani, it couldn't have been. Do you want to know why Scott and I were the last into the room when you begun the tour? Because we were going to write some funny comments in the visitor's log, except there wasn't a pen there. The visitor log, Dani, the thing you would have made us sign if you actually wanted to get some proof more people were coming to the museum. You probably would have forced us to all sign as well, except Scott arriving late in the foyer threw your plans out, time-wise. You needed us to be in the main room at 9:40, so you skip the time it would have taken us all to sign the log. By that stage we'd forgotten what we were meant to be doing anyway".

 

"I was going to get you to all sign it later" Dani replied.

 

"I doubt it" Kevin countered, "given the fact it'd require a pen. We'll get back to that later".

 

His eyes took on a distant look and he sunk deep into thought, biting his lip. It lasted only a while, however, and he then returned his attentions to Dani and continued his argument.

 

"Another thing, you were so dogmatic in making sure we *all* went to the museum, and yet you let Biff off the hook so easy. Obviously you'd prearranged for him to break in to the museum, and you wanted us all in the room as witnesses to your 'coincidence'. I mean, Biff, breaking into a museum? Maybe to break stuff in his jock way, but carrying a bag, wearing gloves and having plans for selling the stuff afterwards? It's too pre-meditated for a guy like Biff. Besides, why would he try and squeeze through a window when he could otherwise walk through the open front door? Because someone TOLD him to".

 

"Interesting theory. Don't touch that". Dani said, sharply.

 

Kevin drew his paw back from touching an exhibit.

 

"Curiousity DID kill the cat" Dani added.

 

Kevin decided to continue the game all the same. He gestured to the velvet curtain on the western wall. "Hiding the drink machine was

clever".

 

"I didn't want Brad to be distracted-" Dani begun.

 

"From the antiquities of yesteryear, yeah Dani, I didn't doubt you'd say that. But being a museum curator, you no doubt knew of the timed lights that the museum employs, switching lights on automatically at 6pm and the like. A simple change to the timers could make the lights switch off just before 9:40 and back on a few minutes later, as you no doubt arranged. But, I'm just guessing here, the lighting and the powerpoints are on two different systems here in the museum, and the timers wouldn't have affected the powerpoints. Unless you'd hidden the bright drink machine behind a curtain, when the lights went out the room would have been bathed in the eerie glow given off by the drink machine .. and then one of us could have seen you sneak across to the window".

 

"That's just a guess, Kevin, in your own words".

 

"Look at the layout of the room, Dani. Cases here, stands there. Only a person who knew the layout would have been able to safely navigate a path from where they were to the window when the lights went out. And you ARE the tour guide, after all".

 

"It's no crime knowing about the museum, Kevin. It's my job".

 

"Hmf. Unfortunately for you, you knew where the exhibits were, but not the people. You'd taken the time to memorize their positions just before the lights went out, and you'd hope they'd do what anyone else would do when in a suddenly darkened room - freeze - but they didn't. First Mikey, then Tony, walking with his big hoofs over to the light switch you'd overridden with the timer. You needed to make people hold still. You could still manage the job if you knew where the people AND the exhibits were, and most people speaking had given away their positions. Only one person didn't actually talk when the lights went out".

 

"Brad" Dani said, quietly.

 

"Yes. Brad's silent, he's the only one you're not *quite* sure of where he is. A well-judged throw of your clipboard, however, and he reveals his location soon enough. So now you know where everyone is. You break the pot on purpose - which no one owns up to later because no one actually did it, act upset to throw suspicion away from yourself and TELL EVERYONE TO QUIT MOVING AROUND".

 

"I didn't want any more damage" Dani shrugged.

 

"No more damage to your alibi, anyway. Now you know you can get to the window without bumping into anyone. It had to be you, of course. Someone had to creep over to the window, as *quiet as a mouse*, and yet keep low enough that the beam of Biff's flashlight wouldn't shine on them while he's waving it around the room".

 

Kevin walked over to a window and gazed over the dreary view outside. Everything seemed a lot duller these days.

 

"When we were waiting in the lobby and you were explaining to Scott about the museum, something strange happened. At first I couldn't place it. It was this strange tingling sensation I got at the base of my spine, and I felt my legs tense ever so slightly. I didn't pay attention to it, but it had never occurred to me before. Not a shiver, not a cramp. It wasn't until days later I realized what it was - the pounce instinct. That instinct a cat feels when it suddenly feels it should pounce".

 

"I had no idea you were the Discovery Channel type" Dani said.

 

Kevin ignored the jibe. "It occurred right after I joked to Tony about what you used your clipboard for, asides from hitting us. Then I recalled my exact words.. 'So THAT's what she keeps in her clipboard'. So now, I'm thinking back... I say that, and all of a sudden I get this weird "must pounce" feeling. Why is that, Dani?"

 

"Kevin, I don't know what you're going on about, and you've frankly got me worried", Dani said. "I think we should go now".

 

"I *had* you worried that day, Dani. That's why I had the pounce instinct. What I said must have frightened you somehow. You gave off the fear pheromone of mice, and some part of my genes I've never bothered to use before suddenly goes "Hey, a frightened mouse is near here somewhere! Meow!"

 

"Meow?" Dani asked, disdainfully.

 

"You get the idea. Why would you be so apprehensive to my discussing what you had in your clipboard? Because you had something there you shouldn't have. To be precise, a thin knife, tucked right under the clip at the top. You don't have pockets, so that's why you keep a pen on your clipboard, and when the lights came on after the attack, your clipboard was penless, I noticed. So what else but a blade? And a clipboard isn't much use without a pen, anyway".

 

There was a slight scraping sound and Dani produced a pen from under the clip to her clipboard. She held it in a quivering fist at her side.

 

"Not having a pen meant we couldn't compare handwriting on the 9:40 note, too. Not that anyone had seen your handwriting, given you only scrawl on a clipboard none of us see, and you're not in our classes" Kevin added, with an apprehensive look at the pen.

 

"Perhaps you should just stop" Dani said. "I don't need to waste my time listening to this kind of thing, Kevin. What do you want me to say, I killed Biff because he was trying to break into my precious museum? It's an abysmal motive at best".

 

"That's because it wasn't your true motive. When we went through Biff's possessions, he had the photos he was using the blackmail people with him. Biff isn't exactly your pre-meditative blackmailing type, is he Dani? From what Cindy said, Biff couldn't even remember what it was that was meant to happen. You don't go to someone's room with blackmail in mind and then forget to show them evidence or heck, ASK for money. Someone sent him there".

 

"Perhaps someone did" agreed Dani.

 

"And perhaps that person was you. The photographs Biff had weren't store-developed. They weren't small little things on glossy, embossed cards, they were printed on large paper sheets, as real photographers do with their own developing, especially when they want to blow something up like a distance shot as Cindy's photo was. They weren't Biff's photos. He wouldn't have even known what a dark room was".

 

"So, he got the photos from someone else" Dani said. "This doesn't account for your wasting my time now as you are, Kevin".

 

"Dani, you're the only one in our hall who really bothered with photography, especially being on the Year Book committee when you were. Sure, Mikey had an interest in photography too, but you were the one that knew everyone's schedules. You were the one who knew where people were going, and when. Anyway, Mikey was being blackmailed too. And if Mikey was behind the blackmail scheme, arranging for himself to be blackmailed wouldn't throw suspicion away from him, but ONTO him. It would have given him a motive for killing Biff, though a scampy motive at that".

 

Dani let out a deep sigh.

 

"You don't know how difficult it was" Dani said. "I admit, blackmail's a terrible thing, but I really needed some money. Obviously I couldn't just march up to people in the dorm I was meant to take care of and do the job myself. But Biff? Biff was stupid enought to do whatever he was told, if the price was right. You're right. He didn't even know what blackmail was. I eventually convinced him to give it a try, and he did. He started off rotten, but he got the hang of it soon enough. That was the worst bit. His mind suddenly realised how powerful this new game was where he could make people do things in order for them to keep things secret. When he realised I shouldn't have asked him to blackmail people, he started to take more than his fair share of the profits, because the fact I was a blackmailer was something he could blackmail me for. Ironic. Said it was irony, too, him taking the lion's share".

 

Kevin thought back to the conversation he'd had with Biff in his room.

 

Dani continued. "Eventually he was taking ALL the blackmail profits, and some of MY cash. I didn't start doing this thing to lose money, and he wanted more still. I told him that he could have all the money he wanted if he robbed the museum with Scott and I. I told him Scott would be inside because I knew he trusted Scott. I made a point of telling him never to discuss the plan with Scott, and he agreed, being dumb like Biff was. But then he starts calling Scott's name when he's got the window open like an idiot. That's when I did it".

 

Kevin looked down at the pen in her paw.

 

"Being shorter than Biff and below the window would have made the perfectly angled blow for getting underneath his ribcage" Kevin said.

 

"It was. I didn't want to have to do it, but Biff couldn't continue the way he'd done so far. He had no idea of tact. He would have been exposed, and then me of course. You know what happens to you if you're working for a University and you're caught using their resources to extort the very people you're meant to be taking care of? You can kiss a career and University goodbye. Well, any accredited ones anyway" she added, with a sniff. Her eyes took on a sadder, more glazed look.

 

"That's why I have to do this now. I'm sorry, Kevin. Curiousity and cats and all".

 

Dani tensed her fist around the pen and drew her arm back. Then she felt a paw on her shoulder.

 

"Cops, right?" she asked, releasing the pen and dropping her arm by her side.

 

"Something like that" the hyena security guard replied as he fastened the cuffs around her paws. "We got it all on tape like you suggested, Kevin. Where'r you going?"

 

"I gotta get back to the dorm" Kevin replied, walking out of the museum into the cold. "To find someone else to boss us all around" he added, sadly.

 

"Goodbye, Dani".

 

THE END.

 

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