State funerals, as sad as they were, at their heart were grand occasions. Families from across Europe descended on Genovia for two days, unlike King Rupert�s funeral, only five years before, for Philippe the sun shone as brightly as if God himself had positioned it directly over the tiny country.
Clarisse emerged from her suite two days after the accident, her public demeanour fully in place, her personal pain buried deep within her. She organised each aspect of the funeral, Joseph thought she would have licked the stamps on the envelopes if Charlotte had allowed her too. Anything at all to take her mind from the loss.
Pierre was inconsolable, and spent much of his time walking the grounds, whatever the weather. Joseph joined him a few times but he sought solitude, he seemed to be in conference with God as much as himself, battling the unease within his own mind. As a man of the church he was the one expected to be calm in a tragedy, it seemed to Joseph he was, but that didn�t restrain his own hurt. He, like Clarisse, hid away in times of pain, buried his emotions from the outside world and pressed on as best he could. Only those who knew him well could understand the extent of his hurt.
During the days before and directly after the funeral Joseph kept his distance from Clarisse. She was afterall the ruling monarch now and, as she�d predicted, everyone wanted her attention. She gave no interviews, granted no press intrusion, but the family needed her just as much and she didn�t let them down. It was usually late in the evening when she would ask for him, a message from Charlotte or a warning on his pager and he went to her suite. Often she just wanted him to sit with her, there would be no words, just sitting in silence until she fell asleep on his arm and he would take her to bed and return to his own room.
A week after the funeral, and two since Philippe�s death, and they were still performing this routine. Clarisse had taken a walk after dinner with Pierre, decisions would have to be made soon on the future, as harsh as it seemed. Parliament needed guidance, the country needed a ruler, a future they could look to. Clarisse had to deal with that. Joseph watched from the balcony as she walked with her eldest son, holding his arm, they stopped by the fountain and sat down on its edge. He watched as Pierre began to weep for his younger brother, the first time he�d ever done it openly since his return, and Clarisse cradled his head in her lap.
A little while after she walked back alone, leaving Pierre to continue his turn around the moonlit grounds. She passed directly by Joseph and discreetly brushed his hand with her own. He understood her meaning and fifteen minutes later met her in her suite.
She was sitting on the couch waiting for him and turned her head slightly to regard him as he closed the door.
�Hello.� She said gently.
�Hi. How are you?�
�Getting there, slowly. Come sit.�
He did as she asked and positioned himself next to her on the couch.
�Would you like some Tea?� She asked.
He shook his head. �Not especially, I sense you have news.�
�Too many years reading my mind Joseph� Pierre and I have reached a decision.�
�Oh��
�Regarding the future. We, well I, am going to visit my grand daughter.�
He looked towards her startled, the girl hadn�t been mentioned in many years.
�I know it seems abrupt, but the fact is if I don�t act soon and secure the throne� the vultures are already circling, even at a time like this.�
He had to admire her clear thinking, and the poise with which she held herself, he could scarcely remember that broken desperate woman who had ranted and screamed the night of her son�s death.
�I know she�s only 15, and we always planned to wait until her 18th birthday but I just can�t anymore� she doesn�t have to rule, not immediately, we can wait until her 21st and then��
�You�ve certainly thought this through.� He said directly.
�I have no choice Joseph.�
�What if she doesn�t want it? Had you considered that?�
Her face paled and she stared at him for a few seconds. �If she doesn�t accept� then I don�t know what will happen, I can�t rule you know that, I don�t have that right. She can. I must make her see that it�s for the best.�
�Hang on, you can�t push her Clarisse.�
She held her breath, turning to him, lifting her voice in protest. �I wouldn�t do that!�
He held her stare, a slight smile on his face.
�Oh all right,� she shook her head. �I will try not to push� too hard.�
�If you back her into a corner, she is only a child.�
�She has to grow up, and quickly, my sons did��
�Clarisse,� he reached for her hand. �She isn�t from this environment, she hasn�t dealt with this her entire life, she wasn�t brought up to this. Duty bound.�
She snatched her hand back. �Don�t say that, duty bound, like it�s a curse.�
�It can be, at times.�
�Please don�t bring us up now.�
�I wouldn�t dream of it.� He sat forward and poured the tea.
�I�m not sure what you want me to say about �us�.�
�And I�m not sure if you want an �us�.�
�Of course� after everything, haven�t the past weeks shown you how much I need you.�
He nodded quietly reflecting on the closeness that had developed between them once again.
�But you have done this before, and I can�t keep coming and going from your life Clarisse.�
�I�� she caught her words. �I can�t do this now. There�s too much, happening, too much��
�I know, I know, you�re still grieving, yet you want to rush off to god knows where.�
�San Francisco.�
�To meet a stranger.�
�She�s been a stranger for too long� Joseph.� She put her teacup down. �Joseph, I know this all seems too much too soon but I have no choice. And I want you there, I need your support.�
�Of course your majesty.�
She glared at him.
�Yes, Clarisse. It�s going to take some organisation. I�d be happier if we waited a few months.�
�Three months!�
�My dear, please, give it a little time a least.�
She bit her lip and sighed then nodded her head reluctantly. �Yes, okay, it seems you are right� as usual.�
She leant back on the couch. �As for us. You know I, I couldn�t have made it this far without you, you�ve helped me so much, given me so much� as usual.� She dipped her head, gazing at her hands, almost ashamed of what she was saying. �I want you in my life, I need you, as more than just��
�And I need to be sure it�s real. That I won�t be relegated again.�
She took a deep breath, �I�ve missed you so very much.�
�I�ve missed you too.� He held his breath, scared the spell would break. �But my feelings for you always seem to cause me pain, somewhere along the line.�
�I don�t want that, I never have.�
�I know.�
�I want to do this, I want you as part of my life.�
�Clarisse��
She interrupted him. ��But it has to be slowly.�
�I know. I understand that.� He whispered. �But Clarisse, please, you must promise, don�t push me away again, I couldn�t bear it again.�
She reached for his hand and folded her fingers with his. �Stay with me, until I fall asleep.�
He smiled accepting the fact she couldn�t answer that out loud. �Of course, how are the dreams?�
�They seem to have stopped, for now at least.�
�Good,� he kissed her hand. �Good.�
* * *
Joseph closed the bedroom door behind him as gently as he possibly could before crossing the lounge and collecting his jacket from the chair he�d left it in. It was late, almost 2:30, he must have fallen to sleep aswell, it was difficult not to when he was holding her in that large comfortable bed.
�Hello Joseph.�
He spun round at the sound of the man�s voice.
�Pierre.�
�How is mother?� His words were gentle, not accusing, no malice or anger, just acceptance.
�Sleeping.�
�Good. Thank you for staying with her.�
He was confused. �Pierre, I�m sorry, there is nothing��
�I�ve known for years that you are in love with her, it�s plain to see. Philippe and I both knew.�
�You never said?�
�You know mother, feelings are not to be spoken of or dissected.� He sat on the couch where Joseph had been with Clarisse earlier.
�Will you sit with me a moment?�
�Of course.� Replacing his jacket on the arm of the chair and sat down watching the young man closely.
For several minutes Pierre stared into the fire, silence crowded into the room and it felt so heavy Joseph wanted to reach out and choke it. How did you explain so many years of deception and fakeness? How did you explain being in love with somebody you had no right to be in love with?
�I never imagined something so terrible could happen.�
�Oh my dear boy, I wish I knew words that would offer you some kind of comfort, the truth is I�m not sure I can say anything that would.�
�Your honesty helps Joseph, everyone else, well the usual condolences. Perhaps that�s why Mother feels she can talk to you.� He glanced up at the older man, watched as he leant back in the chair folding his hands.
�I�m sorry for that too.�
�You don�t have to be. How long have you loved her?�
�Honestly.�
�Of course.�
�Twenty-one years, give or take a few months.�
Pierre breathed deeply. �So long, how do you do it, I mean have you two � an affair?�
�No, no never that. In the beginning we were simply friends, it seemed we shared so many common interests and we just� she just wanted to talk. It grew into more.�
�But for so long.�
�I�m not saying it�s been easy, we fought each other� well it hasn�t been easy.�
�And yet you stayed.�
Joseph nodded, as much as he loved Pierre there were some feelings that were private, his relationship with Clarisse � all its intricacies and nuances � the soul of it was private.
�It wasn�t easy to stay, it seemed ever harder to leave.� He leant forward. �You must believe me when I say that this never affected her relationship with your father, or with either you or Philippe, you have always been her priority.�
�I know. Thank you for being with her, that night when Phil� when he died, I can�t imagine how she would have handled it alone.�
Joseph bowed his head; there were no words to say.
�I�m not sure I could have done it, how do you nurse a mother through the death of a son?�
�You�re a strong man Pierre; you get that from your mother. And you will make it through this. The both of you.�
�Has she told you of her plans?�
�Yes.�
�You don�t approve.�
Joseph shrugged. �I think perhaps it�s a little too soon but it�s what she wants, I don�t know, perhaps it will help. It�s a big step, this girl has just lost her father, a father she never met, and now she�s about to have something like this handed to her��
�A burden. I of all people know what a burden it is.� He looked over to Joseph sincerely. �Mother wishes to go alone, has convinced me to return to the church.�
Joe understood the implications of his words. �I�ll be there for her.�
�Thank you. I feel I�ve failed in some way; perhaps I�ve always failed them� I couldn�t be King, it isn�t in me, I wanted a quiet holy life.�
�Nobody thinks you�ve failed, you have your own responsibility, you�ve shirked nothing. Your duty is to God not solely to your country. Your mother loves you, never doubt that. She is proud of you.�
�Yes.� He nodded, looked down at the carpet. �There�s more to you than I ever thought Joseph, you�re an incredible man.�
�I�m not sure I deserve that but thank you, I think the same of you.�
Steadily he rose and collected his jacket, placing his hand on Pierre�s shoulder. �Goodnight. Do try and sleep.�
�I will, thank you Joseph, for all you do.�
Those simple words were enough to convince Joseph that he had Pierre�s blessing. He slept well for the first time in weeks.
* * *
Clarisse closed her eyes and lifted her face to the worship of the summer sun. It coated her face in its sheen and she relaxed beneath its gentle touch. Tomorrow she would leave for San Francisco and the world was likely to change. She hoped for the better.
The past three months had been a blur of planning and consultation with parliament. She could remain ruler until Amelia, as her grand daughter was named, was eligible and old enough to rule. In print at least it seemed straight forward, the fact that Amelia didn�t even know she was in-line for the throne was but a mere hiccup. Clarisse was adamant that the girl would accept the role, would welcome it and not hesitate to learn the ways of such a wonderful country. Afterall there was much to learn. And Clarisse was eager to teach.
She stepped back from the balcony, it was far too hot to stand there enjoying the mid-day sunlight, black didn�t help to cool her neither. It seemed she�d worn black from the day Rupert died and she had no reason to stop now.
The coolness of her air-conditioned office was divine and she took a moment to simply sit on the couch and enjoy it sweeping over her. She really must contact Charlotte and go over the final details. She also had to place a number of phone calls, not least of all to Pierre who had left the Palace over a month ago after Clarisse�s reassurances that she was fine. Her grief hadn�t diminished and time hadn�t dampened its sharpness but somehow she�d found a way to conceal it, to function through it.
�Come.� She called at the gentle tap on the door.
Charlotte entered the room and noting her Queen sat back on the couch relaxed and at ease she regretted her timing. �Oh I�m sorry to interrupt your majesty.�
�Don�t be, something important?�
�Just a revised itinerary for tomorrow, Joseph and I have finally ironed out the problems.�
�Good thank you.� She took the offered folder. �I will look through it.�
�Is there anything else ma�am.�
�No Charlotte I think you are more than on top of the situation. Thank you.� She smiled and slowly stood. �You have worked incredibly hard on this my dear, I�m so glad you�ll be accompanying me on this trip.�
�Thank you your majesty.�
A polite cough behind the young woman caused Clarisse to smile; she sensed he was there even before he entered the room.
Charlotte discreetly exited and Joseph closed the door behind him. �Have you had a chance to look over the final arrangements?�
�I just received it and was about to.�
�Ahh, good.� He said watching her sit at her desk and slide her glasses on.
She glanced over at him, he looked� well anxious. �Is everything all right Joseph?�
�I believe so, are you� prepared?�
�As I�ll ever be.� She removed her glasses again. �Truth be told I am feeling a little anxious myself.�
�To be expected.� He sat across from her. �Clarisse we could postpone this��
�No absolutely not,� her voice softened. �I must do this Joseph.�
He nodded and held his hand across the desk to her. She accepted the gesture and folded her fingers with his. Staring at their entwined hands she remembered the first time he ever held her hand as an offer of comfort. How their relationship had forged and bonded then and there, how it had been battered over the years, how many times they�d come so close to losing it yet always found their way back to each other.
�I was thinking, just how long you�ve been my confidant, how many times I�ve turned to you for advice and support. You never fail to give it.�
�I never would.�
�Thank you for being so patient.� She said gently, her words implying so much.
�And I will continue to be so, until you�re ready to move forward, until then we have this.�
�Our friendship, sometimes I wonder how it survived so much, you�ve remained with me through so much� all the pain, all the doubts, all the times I�ve pushed you away.�
�Shhh,� he lifted her hand and kissed her fingers. �Let�s not dwell on what has been. We have a future to look too, a wonderful young lady to meet��
She smiled warmly. �Then let the adventure begin.�
*
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