Joseph slipped on his jacket, checked his earpiece was in place and strode out into the corridor. He had to admit it; it was good to be back, and in charge. His first port of call was Clarisse�s office however, with the King out of action and Philippe in Spain on business Clarisse was also taking on new responsibilities.
Cautiously he knocked on the door, he was granted entrance by two maids quickly scuttling away, giggling to themselves as they passed him.
�Something amusing them?� He murmured as he entered the room.
Clarisse was sitting at her desk watching him walk towards her, she smiled. �Good morning Joseph.�
�Good morning your majesty.� He said formerly then noted the hurt in her eyes. �How are you?�
�Oh you know, coping��
�I know.�
�Joseph�� she turned in her chair, straightened her jacket. �Do you recall a certain promise you made to me not so long ago.�
His breath caught in his throat, he nodded. �I do.�
�Then I suggest you keep it.� She got up from her chair and moved to the other side of the desk. �The palace has been empty without you.� She said gently.
He smiled, why did she always dance around issues. �I missed you too Clarisse. And I�m sorry I wasn�t here to help while his majesty has been ill. You could have contacted me, I would have returned earlier.�
�No, you deserved a break� we both did.�
�Are you willing to talk about this now?�
She shifted on her feet a little uncomfortable. �I need you with me, I need your friendship and support although more than that��
�I know, I�ll always be here. I promised didn�t I.� He lifted her hand and gently kissed it.
�Dear Joseph.� She rested her hand on his cheek just for a second then pulled away from him.
�Philippe should return on Friday, until then, well I guess you�ll be reporting to me.� She smiled sitting down.
�You look tired.�
�I am, Rupert doesn�t sleep well and I� I know this must be difficult for you but he needs me.�
�I know that. I�m here if you need to talk.�
She nodded. �Thank you.�
�I better get to work, otherwise my new boss will complain.�
�Absolutely.� She sat back in her chair and watched him leave, suddenly she felt a weight lift from her shoulders, she was relaxed for the first time in days. How did he have the power to do that with a simple look?
* * *
Making his way down to the staff kitchen he couldn�t help but smile to himself, he could still feel her touch on his face, still smell her fragrance. And she�d missed him, and she hadn�t simply dismissed him out of hand as a mistake, that was what he�d expected, what he�d prepared himself for. No there was love in her eyes, he still had her heart.
Relieved and exuberant he leant over the table filled with breakfast and stole somebody�s toast.
�Hey.� A hand flipped up and caught his arm but he laughed and went to stand by the fire.
�You look far too happy this morning.� Shades commented staring at him. �Just what happened to you in France.�
�Meet somebody Joseph?� Alice asked as she sat down at the table.
�Don�t speculate you two.�
�That means he did.� Shades teased.
�Well good for him, I�ve known him for far too long and he�s been single for as long as I recall.�
Alice�s statement seemed to shock everyone in the room, she was always the old moody woman who barked out orders to everyone else.
�Damn waste.� She said hiding a smile as she glanced at the newspaper.
�Sooo�� Shades probed. �Who was she?�
�Nobody.�
�A nice Birthday treat hey?� He winked.
�Very funny.� Joseph shot him a warning glance.
�Well somebody�s put that smile on your face.�
Clarisse�s face swam into his mind and again he couldn�t help but smile and quickly looked down at the tiled floor.
�Ha! I knew it; go on details��
�There�s nothing to tell.�
�Young?�
�Younger.� Joe said without thinking.
�You old dog.�
�Thanks for that.� He said suddenly embarrassed. �Time for some work to be done I think.�
And with that he marched out of the room and up the stairs.
* * *
Clarisse climbed onto the bed, she was used to this by now, she tucked her dressing gown to the side and rubbed the cream into her hands. Rupert leant back towards her and she placed her hands on his shoulders.
�Ow, cold!� He complained.
�I know, but it will help.�
She continued to rub his back, actually she didn�t mind doing this, it seemed to relax him and he refused to have any of the nurses do it. It gave them time alone anyway and she cherished every moment with him now.
�When�s Philippe home?�
�Friday, I told you this morning.�
�I forget. How are you bearing up?�
�I�m fine, don�t worry.�
He twisted his head to look at her. �I could help.�
�No, no work� now turn around or I can�t do this.�
He followed her orders and closed his eyes relaxing into her touch.
�I hear Joseph is making changes. He didn�t waste any time.�
�Wants to update the system, it makes sense especially after everything that happened.�
�We don�t want a repeat performance of that scenario.�
�No.� She added softly.
�Good he�s back, fine man, did him good the break no doubt.�
�I�m sure.�
�Heard he had a good time, �bout time he found a nice young lady, always alone, makes no sense. Good-looking man like that, no surprise he struck lucky��
She tensed suddenly. �How do you mean?�
�Met some woman in France, or so I hear over the grapevine, the nurses do like to gossip.� He laughed. �Don�t blame him. Are we finished?�
Clarisse realised her hands had stilled on his shoulders and she was frozen in place. She shook her head to break the spell. �Yes, yes we�re finished.�
�Thank you my dear, does me a world of good.�
�You�re welcome.�
She climbed from the bed and dried her hands on a towel. �Are you sleeping now?�
�Yes.�
�Alright, I�m going to take a bath.� She was struggling to speak, struggling to find enough breath to carry on.
�Goodnight then.� He said but his eyes were already closed, she pulled the blankets over him and kissed his forehead.
�Goodnight my love.� Turning the lights out she left his suite and crossed the hall quickly to her own ignoring the guards standing outside. The tears fell as soon as her door closed.
* * *
Joseph awoke early the following morning; his first thought was of Clarisse. He showered and dressed in a matter of minutes, perhaps he could grab some time alone with her before the rest of the staff were up and around. She was always in her office early catching up on something or other.
He found himself whistling as he quickly strode through the back corridors to the security monitoring room.
�Anything to report?� He asked just dipping his head inside the door.
�Nope, pretty standard night.�
�Anyone up yet?�
�Erm not really, lot of nurses around, her majesty up early.�
�In her office?�
The young man glanced at the monitor. �Er no, think she went out into the grounds.�
�Alone?�
�I�m not sure��
�For gods sake must I do everything, you do realise we had an attempted assassination less than two months ago, come on�� He stormed off leaving the young man shaking in his wake.
As he surveyed the grounds for Clarisse he felt his throat begin to tighten, why was it everybody seemed incompetent? There was going to be a shake up in the palace with him in charge, they better be ready for some tough training months ahead.
He was informed that Clarisse had taken her horse early that morning and gone riding, he saddled one up himself and set off after her. He knew her favourite spots; he would try them until she was safely accounted for.
He found her at the third of the spots listed in his mind, a clearing by the river that was a little too far into the grounds, she hardly ever came here, certainly not in winter. He jumped down from his horse, settled him and made his way towards her. She was holding herself, her arms were folded and her hands gripped her shoulders. Her head was bowed, the frost on the ground crunched as he walked and it struck him that she wasn�t even wearing a proper coat, she must be freezing.
Slipping his jacket off he stepped up behind her and gently laid it on her shoulders.
She jumped and turned to face him, her face was tear-stained.
�Clarisse darling what�s wrong� is it Rupert?� He reached for her arm but she stepped away.
�How dare you� how dare you even have the gall to talk to me especially about him. You can�t do this Joseph, you can�t toy with me like this, I�m not some fool��
�I�ve never thought you were, will you tell me what�s brought this on.�
�YOU! Damn it you.� She hit his chest in frustration dropping the jacket that hung on her shoulders to the floor. �What was it, some power trip to get me into bed, playing all those games just so you could succeed, well you did, you got the stoic Queen into bed.�
�Clarisse.� He caught her flailing arms. �I�m confused.�
�How could you do it, so soon, so soon after we� I thought it was� I thought it meant more.� She gasped struggling to stop her tears. �As if I don�t have enough to deal with, as if there isn�t enough heartbreak you do this.�
�Darling.�
�No, no don�t say that. My husband is dying, the monarchy is changing and I stupidly fall for you and allow myself to sleep with you and then you throw it back at me.� She straightened herself up and took a deep breath. �Rupert told me about your little escapade in France Joseph.�
�What?� Confusion hit him squarely in the chest.
�You of all people should know how gossip travels.�
�Oh Clarisse.� He couldn�t find his voice; he had to convince her it was inconsequential. �It wasn�t, I mean, nothing, it was nothing.�
She turned and slapped his face. �It was something to me!�
He recovered and held her arm as she tried to pass him.
�No, she was nothing, you are everything to me.�
�Obviously not. Let me go, I have to get back.�
�No, not yet, fire me if you like, let the world know about us and have me shot but we talk about this now. You aren�t walking away.�
�You have no right anymore.�
�I needed to get you out of my mind, I was drunk, I was fucking screwed up, I can never have you � never. And I had to make that decision, to stay and be miserably lonely and survive on scraps of emotion� on seeing you for fifteen minutes a day. Or to walk away.�
�You could just walk away, now, after everything?�
�God no that�s the point. I can�t, but I saw you in the chapel, I heard what you said. This is tearing you apart, I know you and I know your beliefs and your devotion and I am just making it harder, being here��
�You slept with another woman.�
�But I love you.�
�That�s a damned funny way of showing it.�
She shrugged his arm off and moved away from him, down to the water�s edge, she folded her arms and for a few minutes they stood in silence. It was Clarisse who finally spoke.
�I didn�t expect you to be a celibate for the rest of your life, I can�t ask that of you, I just didn�t expect it would happen so soon.�
�I didn�t plan it, it was a mistake, she was��
�Don�t tell me, I can�t hear that.�
�You know I love you, I always have.�
She closed her eyes as he spoke, she knew he was telling her the truth, Joseph never did lie.
�I have told you time and time again, I was beginning to think I�d never find it, never find the one and then it�s you and everything is just� cruel, unfair, what can I say, I�ll never be more...�
She glanced at him.
�But you are more. How do you think I can go on without you? How do you think that now, after those days we spent together I could simply pretend it never happened. I hate you for this, I hate you for it because you�ve hurt me.�
�I�m sorry��
�I know.� She was facing him now. �The thing is Joseph I�ve finally let my guard down and let you in, you�re in my heart, part of my soul, and if you left now I don�t think I could do this� I need you with me. And I know how selfish that is but I need you, I need you��
Sobbing she fell against his chest, his arms circled her and held her tight against him.
�I need you too.�
�I feel like I�m falling apart, all of a sudden I have this split personality and I�m not sure how to deal with it, the only thing I�m sure of is that you can�t leave, not now.�
He smoothed the hair from her face. �I won�t ever leave you, that�s what I realised whilst I was away, I could live the rest of my life away from here and have a hundred relationships and see a million things and still I�d be empty because I wouldn�t be with you. So if fifteen minutes a day is all I get then I�ll take it, because nothing else compares��
�Joseph.� She smiled despite her tears. �I�m afraid, I�m afraid for Rupert and Philippe.�
�I know.�
�It wasn�t supposed to be this way. I never imagined it this way.�
He touched her face, that beautiful face. �I don�t suppose anybody did.� He kissed her forehead. �I am sorry. I would never hurt you intentionally.�
She nodded. �I�m sorry I hit you.�
�I didn�t mind that.� He smiled reassuringly.
�Kiss me.�
He didn�t need to be asked twice, his mouth captured hers in a sweet gentle kiss. She placed a hand on the nape of his neck and brought his mouth harder against hers.
�I love you.� She breathed against him.
�I love you. I always will.�
�You�re cold.� She said rubbing his arms.
�So are you, we should go back.�
�I hate this.� She rested her head in his chest for a second. �I just need a moment, go back without me.�
�No Clarisse, we have to tighten security.�
She raised her head and looked into his dark eyes. �Alright.� She conceded. �Do I look presentable?�
�Beautiful.�
�Biased, is my face red?�
�Only from the cold.�
She nodded.
�Here, put this on.� He picked his jacket up and she slid into it loving the scent of his cologne on it.
�You know Joseph.� She said as he readied her horse. �I won�t mind, in the future, if you need somebody else� to go elsewhere for the physical.�
�Ah Clarisse.� He placed a finger on her lips. �No, never again, if it�s not you then I don�t care.�
�I�m used to it.� She shrugged. �I understand.�
�I don�t. What does it mean if it isn�t for love?�
She took a deep breath. �You know there are times, usually late at night, when I wonder if it would have been better if we�d never met. If you�d been born somewhere else, if I had, if we were of a different age group, if you were security in another palace� perhaps it would have been easier. Perhaps if you�d never met me.�
�I�d still be looking.�
She smiled. �And I�d still be lonely, locked inside myself.�
He kissed her again. �You are the most precious thing to me, I would never wish for anything else. If it were easy to go back to being a solitary bachelor then I would, but it wouldn�t� the pain would be unbearable.�
�I think we should have more than fifteen minutes a day,� She said as he helped her onto her horse holding the reigns as she settled. �And tea in the library once a week to discuss security issues.�
�A date then your majesty.�
He mounted his own horse and together they slowly made their way back to the palace.
*
Part 12