By The Lake
by Rhonda*
Part 6
�Do you ever regret it?�
�Regret what?� Joseph mumbled sleepily.
�Not having children.�
�That�s a fairly deep question for this time of the morning.� He answered shifting his head slightly.
Clarisse�s hand rested on his shoulder, stroking the back of his neck, he lay with his head tucked beneath her chin on her chest. They�d been like that for the last couple of hours, after an earlier night they both woke relatively early, though for a change it was Clarisse who was reluctant to get out of bed and instead continued the question and answer session she�d begun the night before.
�I just wondered, after what you said yesterday, and I see you with Mia and I wonder that�s all��
�I suppose it would have been� nice in retrospect, but I shirked nothing, right now I have no regrets. Are you sure you�re comfortable enough there?� He asked keenly aware of his weight resting on her body.
�Yes, yes I�m fine. I rather like it.� She looked down at him snuggled up against her and felt oddly reassured by the scene.
�I�d like it even better if you didn�t have buttons on your shirt.� He said dryly, �They dig in my skin like crazy.�
�Oh never satisfied.� She smiled as he turned his head to kiss her neck then slowly unfastened each button and opened her shirt, resting his head on her warm breasts.
�Better?� She questioned resting her head back on the pillow and closing her eyes.
�Much.�
They were silent for a while, Joseph dozing and Clarisse mulling things over, her fingers never ceased running up and down his back, she was becoming aware of just how much she was going to miss having him next to her when circumstance forced them to spend a night apart.
�I would have had children with you.� She said out loud.
He didn�t respond.
She tipped her face down towards him. �Joseph, are you still awake?�
�I am. I heard you.�
�Oh, why silence?�
�Because it�s not something I like to think about.�
�Why ever not?�
�Because the truth is that if I wasn�t your security the likelihood is we would never have met. We�re from two very different worlds.�
She opened her mouth to come back with a response but it dawned on her that he was right, absolutely right, and that not only hurt but it also embarrassed her.
�I never think about that.�
�I try not to either, but we have to admit up until the day I moved to the castle we�ve had very different experiences in life. And if I ever bumped into you at the theatre or even in a restaurant, you probably wouldn�t have looked twice at me��
�Oh but I would��
�Let me finish, I wouldn�t have looked twice at you, I would have only known how you dressed and the way you spoke.�
�You would have assumed I was �stuck up�!�
�I guess I would have, but then honestly, truthfully would you have not walked by me.�
She thought on it for a second before responding. �Yes, I suppose I would have. But I would have looked twice at your face.� She added hopefully.
He finally looked up at her and smiled. �Differences are good.� He said.
�I suppose, it�s the fact you can be so laid back and approachable that allows me to open up to you so easily.�
�Exactly.�
�So in some bizarre way it�s good that we both led the lives we did because now we��
�Fit together so nicely.� He finished kissing her hand.
�You always have to be so very right�� She snuggled down into the bed next to him. �It annoys the hell out of me.�
�That was a very American saying, you�re picking up Mia�s idioms.�
�As long as I don�t start terming everything as �cool� we�ll be alright.�
He laughed as she fussed with her nightclothes.
�Look at this, it�s all scrunched up around me and I can�t move. Your fault.� She complained pulling at the shirt and trying to fasten it again.
�Here let me.� He took hold of the silky material then reached around her back pulling it off and throwing it to the floor. �Much better.�
�I hate the fact you can do that so easily and then look at me serenely with this kind, honest face.� She laid a hand on his cheek. �It�s another thing I�ll have to get used to, like facial hair.�
�What?� He exclaimed.
�Well I have to say it was a little strange the first time you kissed me with it; I�d forgotten how itchy it could be. I didn�t say anything because I didn�t want to hurt your feelings and,�
�Hurt my feelings!�
�Oh don�t look so put out, besides now I never even notice.� To emphasise her point she kissed him again. �Have I upset you?�
�Well I�m a little more self conscious that�s for sure.�
�Well you can pick something out about me that you don�t like� within reason.� She warned pointing a finger at him.
�Nothing.� He sulked laying his head down.
�Oh come on, there must be something, anything, make it up.�
�Your boobs are bigger than I expected.�
�WHAT?!�
�They are, those dresses must hide them well.�
�And that�s bad?� She queried and he laughed.
�No, no it�s not a bad thing, you did say make it up.�
�I guess I did.�
She switched to lying on her back. �Well I never, my boobs�� She absently stared down at her chest. �They were smaller when I was younger, that�s childbirth and weight gain.�
At this he laughed again. �Oh Clarisse, you see, I told you, comic genius.�
�I was being serious.�
�That�s what makes it so funny.� He rested above her. �Your boobs are perfect, your face is perfect, every inch of your skin is perfect. And I love every bit.� He kissed her forehead, her closed eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her mouth � oh that mouth. Then stopped and looked at her smiling.
�Did it tickle too much?�
This time she laughed. �No, not one bit. When do I get my treat?� She said knowingly, linking her arms around his back.
�It should be ready and waiting.�
Her eyes lit up as he face broke into a broad smile. �Where?�
�Outside.� She almost jumped up from the bed and pulled the top sheet around her body before drawing back the curtains and scanning the area.
�I don�t see anything.�
�I think you should probably try the other window.� He pointed towards the room that backed onto theirs.
Satisfied he collapsed back on the bed and folded his arms beneath his head waiting for her delighted response.
* *
The air was as clear as Joseph had ever known it, cool yes but so fresh and vibrant, it was good to be alive. He raced along the beach with the wind forcing against his face, splashing through the water and then slowing and turning around to look for his wife.
�Slow down there girl,� he said patting the dark glossy mane of his horse. �Come on�� he teased as Clarisse cantered up the beach to join him.
�I was enjoying the view for your information.� She quipped as she slowed next to him. �What I want to know is how you got them here.�
�I�m not going to reveal all my secrets to you.�
�They�re fine animals.� She said appreciatively. �I haven�t had the chance to ride in so long.�
�I know, and I know you miss it.�
�Not only is it fun but it�s a chance to take some exercise, fun and exercise don�t usually go together in the same sentence for me.�
�I did offer to teach you Basketball.�
�I hardly think I�m made for it.� She said removing a glove and flashing her polished nails at him.
�Perhaps you�re right.�
�I think I�m a more one on one sport type person.� She said smiling wickedly and set off again. �Top of the hill, last one there cooks this evening.� She called racing off.
* *
�Okay so tell me again.�
�I�ve told you three times already.�
�I know, I know but I�m old, my memory is getting bad.�
�Te amo.�
�Te amo.� She repeated, with a slightly less convincing accent.
�Te amo mucho.� He added reaching for his shot glass.
�Te amo mucho�� she flopped down onto the floor. �I love you very much.�
�I bet you love me even more now with all that alcohol in your blood.�
�Hmm, I�m rather tipsy wipsy.� She giggled playfully stretching her arms out above her head. �Pour me another one.�
�You haven�t had enough?�
�You only live once� besides it tastes so good.�
�You can�t take your drink your Majesty.� He said handing her another shot. �We really should drink this in larger glasses with ice.�
�Seems fine to me.�
�I think anything would seem fine to you right now.�
She fell about laughing. �Most probably.� She took another sip of the rich creamy liquid and then settled her head back on the floor. �Look at my hands Joseph, age is horrible, horrible nasty thing.� She held her arms up in front of her and studied her hands.
�I know.� Joseph got up from his spot on the couch and placed a pillow beneath her head. �But your hands are beautiful.�
He moved back to the couch.
�Another one.� She said holding her glass towards him.
�Should I just leave you the bottle with a straw?�
�That would suit me fine, I�ve found a new joy��
He moved back toward her. �I think you�ve found many this week.�
�I think I have.� She sat up again. �The Irish must be happy people because Irish cream is a delight. Like alcoholic ice cream.�
�In a bottle.� He added teasing her. �I like you in this mood.�
She sat up and kissed her firmly, then took the bottle from his hand. He sat back and watched amused as she attempted to refill her glass, most of it ended up on the floor before he took it from her hand. �Let me honey bunch.�
�Oh I�m sorry.� She flopped back onto the floor closing her eyes. �Te amo.�
�Te amo indeed.� He returned to the kitchen replacing the top on the bottle and hiding it in the cupboard then finding a cloth to wipe up her spillage, as he did so he heard a clattering in the lounge.
�Clarisse��
�Just finding music.�
He quickly went back to her. �Music?�
�I want to dance with you.�
He shook his head bending down and attempting to wipe clean the carpet, he didn�t have the heart to tell her that he didn�t think she could stand for very long let alone dance.
When he turned around she�d disappeared again.
�Joseph�� She called.
�No more drinks for you.� He said to himself as he followed the sound of her voice outside.
�Look at the moon.� She pointed. �Isn�t it beautiful.�
�Sweetheart it�s cold out here.� He tiptoed over the grass to her noting she had no shoes on her feet.
�Let�s dance.� She threw her arms around his neck.
�We will, later.�
�Then let�s take a walk.�
�Now?�
�Now.� Before he could respond she was moving through the garden toward the hidden path.
�Clarisse you have nothing on your feet.�
He chased after her catching her hand but she was determined and practically dragged him down the hill. At the bottom she dropped his hand and moved toward the lake, black in the night air, smooth and flat, and to his shock waded in until the water reached her knees.
�Bloody hell.� He stammered, quickly throwing his shoes off, one ruined pair in a week was quite enough, and went in after her.
Gently he placed his hands on her shoulders not wanting to startle her but surprisingly when she spoke again she seemed a little more sober.
�I came down here on the first night.�
�I know.� The night air must have been good for clearing her head. He stepped back and watched as her dress swirled around her in the water.
�It made me cry.�
�Being here?� He whispered.
�Being here with you, being here alone, I�m not sure. Facing up to certain things, accepting my mistakes, finding a new place inside of me.�
She turned to look at him. �Does that all sound contrived and self-centred?�
�No.�
�Hearing my own voice and no response, looking over my shoulder and no guard waiting to protect, no maid waiting to fetch. Beck and call.� She added thoughtfully. �Simplicity of making breakfast, isn�t that ridiculous. Aren�t I ridiculous.�
�Honey I think you�re just finding a way to move on with life. We both have to.� He moved up behind her again, this time taking hold of her waist and bringing her body to his. �I don�t recall a day when I woke up and thought I have nothing to do today, I�m not used to not working. I�ve certainly never been married before and that scares the hell out of me.�
�Really? You always seem so certain about everything.�
�Never, I�m scared to death that I might screw this up and lose you.� He rested his chin on her shoulder. �What if a situation comes up that I can�t talk my way out of?�
She smiled. �I doubt that very much. You�d have to do something seriously awful to lose me now.�
�Are your feet cold?�
�Absolutely freezing.� She turned her head slightly to look at him.
�Feeling better?�
�Hmm, a little.� She shrugged.
�You know this won�t happen over night don�t you.�
�Yes, I also know tonight is our last night here.�
�Yes, so do you want to go dance or remain standing in the lake?�
She laughed. �I like the lake.�
�I kinda noticed.� He kissed her forehead. �How are the feet?�
�Ice, at least I can�t feel the pebbles.�
�Want me to carry you?�
�It�s becoming a regular occurrence, people will talk.�
�Let them.� He replied turning her in his arms. �At least it�s sobered you up.� He hoisted her up and, once again, carried her back to the cottage.
* *
Joseph lit candles and Clarisse chose the music; she�d changed her dress, handed him a fresh pair of trousers and once clean and dry they danced.
Slow gentle swaying was just what they needed, something sensual and understated. No twirls, no fancy steps, her arms linked around his neck, his around her waist and back. It didn�t matter that the room was small and minimal, that there were no gold edged walls or rare vases filled with flowers. Neither noticed, neither cared, the way she felt right then an orchestra could have been in the room with them. They flowed together in one solitary fluid movement. The words of the song etching upon their minds to be recalled for years to come.
�You�re my thrill, you do something to me, you send chills right through me, when I look at you, cos you�re my thrill.
You�re my thrill, how my pulse increases, I just go to pieces every time I look at you, I can�t keep still.
Nothing seems to matter. Here�s my heart on a silver platter. Where�s my will? Why this strange desire? That keeps mounting higher. When I look at you I can�t keep still, you�re my thrill.�
The song ended and another flowed straight into it, she lifted her head from his shoulder. �Tell me more.� She whispered kissing his face; his eyes were closed yet he was glowing with affection.
He needed no more instruction. �Usted es el que adoro.� He kissed her mouth, along her jaw line, down to her neck, breathing in her scent like he never needed oxygen again. �Usted est� en mi coraz�n como ning�n otro� he ran his hands down the side of her body.
�Tell me what it means.� She said breathlessly.
�You are the one I adore.�
She smiled. �And the rest.�
�You are in my heart like no other.�
�I must learn that,� he was kissing the base of her neck, the dance had slowed, their bodies simply swayed together now, no turning, no steps to the movement. She dropped her head back, �It sounds so good when you say it.�
�Deseo hacerle amor.�
�What does that mean?� She asked as he lifted his mouth to hers.
�I won�t tell you that one.�
�I can probably guess.� She pressed her lower body into his as he kissed her, let her tongue enjoy the taste of his mouth, let her hands wander wherever they felt the need.
By the time the third song had started the pretence of dancing had vanished and they simply stood pressed together kissing, long slow kisses that seemed to halt time, the air swung around their bodies, fragments of dust played in the firelight.
�I need you so much.� Clarisse finally said. �I love you.�
He backed his face away from hers just far enough so he could see her eyes, she seemed shaky and unsure.
�Te amo.� She smiled.
�You remembered that one.� His voice was thick with emotion.
�That one was easy.�
She manoeuvred him backwards until the back of his legs met with the edge of the large comfy chair that stood in the corner of the room. Her fingers tangled in the bottom of his shirt before she lifted it over his head and dropped it to one side.
He made a move to open her dress but she stepped back, it was her turn to lead the dance. Instead she unbuckled his trousers and pushed them down his legs, watching as he stepped out of them. She wasn�t sure about the look on his face, joy, amusement, relief� She continued nevertheless, tenderly instructing him to sit, she leant over him and kissed his open mouth before standing again and, to his disbelief, moving across the room and turning the CD off.
When she swayed back towards him he wondered if it was the alcohol directing her movements or the headiness of the moment but he was sure he�d never seen her hips move in quite that way before. He almost groaned out loud when she unzipped her dress and allowed it to pool at her feet.
She noticed his look and a sudden wave of her former self-consciousness swept over her.
He read her face quickly, �Stockings� and firelight.� He murmured quickly.
She smiled relived and moved into his arms, resting in his lap. He brushed her hair as she settled against him. The kiss began again, more intense, more directed.
The fire was fading, the moon became the predominant light in the room, Clarisse heard her name like it was some distant memory, a lullaby soothing her as he whispered it over again. She was losing grip on what his mouth was doing to her, where his hands were, where hers were, as all her senses forged together in one dull ache that seemed to start up in her heart and spread throughout her body.
�You love me?� she managed to voice.
�Oh very, very much.� He answered, his hands slipping her stockings off. �More than I have words to say.�
�I never knew it could be like this. If I�d known I don�t think I could have stayed away from you for so many years.�
�I don�t think I could have either.�
Suddenly serious she took hold of his face, staring deep into his warm kind eyes. �Never let it stop.�
Part 7
It was sheer force of will that made Joseph convince Clarisse they should go to bed, they�d made love there in that old chair by the fireside and she was reluctant to break the contact and alter the feel of the moment.
Yet he wrapped her in a blanket and somehow, slowly, they�d made it up the stairs. Though it amazed him how when every second step one of them would stop to kiss the other, at one point he thought they might end up making love again there and then against the wall on the stairs.
The bed was cool and fresh when he fell onto it, Clarisse�s body in his arms less than second later. So this was the passion and heat she�d hidden and repressed for so many years. Part of him knew they would probably regret this at some point tomorrow, aching limbs and tired heads, but he couldn�t stop, didn�t want to stop � and it seemed neither did she. He had occasionally caught a glimpse of this side of her before, very rarely though. A few years ago they�d danced in the ballroom after every other guest had departed, the music had been slow, the candlelight fitting and the way her body had moved against his he�d allowed himself to dream that maybe beneath all that duty was a truly passionate woman. This week, tonight in particular, had left him with no doubts about that.
When she lay by his side, her hand tucked up beneath her cheek supporting her head he was amazed just how wide awake she seemed. He on the other hand was feeling the fatigue gradually creeping in. But there was no way on earth he was going to allow himself to fall asleep whilst she was in this mood.
�You look tired.� She smiled.
�Hmm,� He responded. �Maybe, just a little.�
�Falling to sleep?� She teased, tickling his foot with her toes.
�Not yet.� He responded rubbing his foot against hers. �Would you like some water?�
�I�m alright, do you?�
He shrugged. �I don�t have the will to get out of bed.�
�Perhaps we should have brought Olivia afterall.�
�Could you imagine her face!� His chest shook with laughter. �The very proper, very stoic majesty��
�Hey!�
He continued despite Clarisse�s pillow hitting him squarely in the face. �Flushed and messy, and behaving badly with a lowly guy��
�Stop it, stop it, stop it�� She moved on top of him holding the pillow on his face.
He grabbed her from behind and tickled her waist relentlessly until she collapsed on top of him dropping her pillow to the floor.
�Oh Joseph, do you think they�ll know?�
�Do I think who will know what my love?�
She lifted her head from his chest to watch his face. �They might know when we get back to the palace, they�ll look at me and know.�
He couldn�t help but laugh. �Clarisse sweetheart, I don�t mean to state the obvious but we have been on our honeymoon and people do what they do on honeymoons. So if you mean do they suspect we�ve had relations out here I�d say yes they do.�
�Oh you�re no use, embarrassing me.� She lifted herself from his body and climbed out of bed pulling a robe on. �Relations.� She shook her head laughing as she left the room.
A minute later she returned with iced water.
�So thoughtful.� He said sitting up.
�I know.� She handed him the glass before moving to the window and drawing back the drapes. �A clear night.�
�It is. No desires to go wading again have we?�
�Not just now.� She turned and leant against the windowsill watching him. �Are you ready to go back?�
�Not really, but what can a man do, duty calls�� He stopped realising the ill choice of his words.
�A common hardship.� She smiled lightly. �I don�t want to go back either, perhaps we could hide out here for the rest of our lives.�
�The way I see it, from now on I�m retired so I can take a trip whenever I feel the need.�
�I�m not sure that same freedom applies to me.� She dropped her chin and stared at her bare feet.
�Maybe not, but we will find a balance, in time.�
She raised her face to him.
�We will Clarisse, I know how much Mia needs you and I don�t expect for one second that you would turn away from that. But by now I think we are secure don�t you.�
�Yes. Very much so.�
�Good, so come back to bed and stop worrying.�
She did as he asked and crawled across the bed to him. �Mon amour.� She said seductively.
� Merci mon cher.�
She laughed. �How many languages do you know?�
�A few, relax I �know� French, I�m not fluent in it � you have it won hands down.�
�Finally, I win.�
She comfortably fit by his side, resting her head against his chest and folding her hand with his. �Thank you for this week, I haven�t enjoyed myself so much in�� she sighed. �Well possibly never.�
�I wanted you to relax, to simply enjoy the time we had together with no worries about who was watching.� He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers then her wrist.
�I�ve enjoyed it immensely.� She smiled joyfully and twisted her body to rest on top of his. �Thank you,� she kissed his mouth, �Thank you,� his chest, �and thank you again.�
�I should be thanking you.� He held her waist and slipped her onto her side turning to face her.
�Mutual appreciation then.� She whispered.
�Oh definitely.� He kissed her forehead.
�What time do you think it is?�
�Late, early morning. Are you tired yet?�
�Mmm, perhaps. What time do we have to leave?�
�I think 3 at the latest, its a few hours drive.�
�You know we could have used the helicopter.�
�I like to drive every now and then.�
�I�ll remember that.� She kissed him deeply as he ran his hand along her leg, gripping beneath her knee and bringing her leg up to raise over his.
* *
With a jolt Clarisse sat up in bed her heart pounding in her chest. She took a deep breath and licked her lips, her mouth was dry, her head felt heavy.
She looked to the side and noticed Joseph was gone, the curtains had been pulled back and the windows were open. She closed her eyes again as a fresh breeze swept through the room and caressed her face, her skin felt tight, �the perils of not cleansing before bed, you should know better Clarisse.� She said to herself.
Thirty minutes later she was feeling much better, a shower and some make-up did wonders for her self-esteem. She hesitated over what to wear; if it was another normal day here it would have been a summer dress, something light and floaty. She would have liked to take Joseph up on his idea to hire a boat and take a sail. Reality was she hadn�t packed yet and nobody was going to do it for her, and they had to go home. She sighed deeply and opted for a knee length dark blue dress, simple and elegant. Black stockings, black shoes, a scarf and a string of pearls and she was ready to go� almost.
The lounge was empty as was the kitchen, yet a pot of coffee stood cooling on the side. She noted everything was gleaming clean and all their belongings packed and ready to go.
11:30, that late already, she�d certainly had her fair share of late mornings this week. Feeling a little annoyed she set off down to the lakeside.
As she suspected Joseph was there, he looked solitary as he stared out at the view, one hand tucked into his pocket the other cradling his mug. For a while she simply stood and watched him, not wanting to disturb his thoughts.
He swung round a few moments later and smiled raising a hand as he caught sight of her. �Morning.�
�Good morning,� she called back making her way across to him.
He kissed her cheek. �You slept well.�
�I did.�
�How are you feeling this morning?� His smile was assured.
�Fine, I�m feeling fine.�
He nodded his head. �Good, good.�
�Well, my body seems a little achy shall we say.� She linked her arm through his. �Are you ready to go?�
�I think so, are you?�
She rested her head on his shoulder groaning. �I have to pack.�
�Ha. I�ll help.�
�Thank you but you�ve done so much already.�
�I don�t mind. Coffee?� He offered his mug to her.
She declined smiling. �No thank you, coffee disagrees with me, you know that.�
�I do, I�ll make you tea when we get back and something to eat while you pack.�
�That seems a fair deal.� She squeezed his hand. �Oh Joseph, what�s life going to be like now, when we go back?�
�I�m not really sure, interesting.�
�Interesting�� She mulled it over. �Do you think we�ll have time for a little fun every now and then?�
�I certainly hope so, in fact I�m counting on it. Tomorrow I�m going to start planning our Christmas break.�
She laughed. �I�d like that.�
�There�s a fabulous little seafood restaurant not far from here, about an hour�s drive or so, if you were anyone else I�d take you out for lunch.�
�Perhaps I can wear sunglasses and a headscarf.�
�Perhaps, though 25 years of training tells me it�s too risky.�
�Maybe we could have take-out.�
�Seafood?�
�Ahh maybe not. I�m sorry. I guess dating royalty isn�t that easy.�
�I thought we�d passed the dating stage.�
She lifted her head up. �We have.�
He took hold of her hand. �I tell you what, tomorrow you pencil me into your diary to go shopping.�
�Shopping? I never go shopping.�
�And it�s a shame, so you consult your diary and find three free days.�
�Three? That�s a lot of shopping.�
�Three, and we�ll jet off somewhere, New York, Paris, London, anywhere you like, and shop for an engagement ring.�
She held out her hand for him and he shook it. �A deal.�
When he smiled warmly and affectionately she threw her arms around his neck. �I do love you Joseph, I will make this work.�
�I know, we will.� He did his best to return the hug without spilling coffee down her dress then gave up and threw his mug to the floor lifting her up and spinning her round. �I�m absolutely devoted to you.�
�Oh I�ve known that for a very, very long time.�
~ * ~
kind of sequel in London Review