lahoffyCDC

“Psst . . . Sheeza? Is everyone gone?" came a whispered voice from behind the opened door.

"Yeah, they just pulled out in the van. They're all going to see "Lord of The Rings." How come you didn't go, lahoffy?"

"Better things to do. So, it's just you and me?"

"I think Duncan's still here, and Methos said if he wanted to revel in fantasy, he'd go read his own damn journals."

"Rats. Ok, guess they'll have to help out. Come on." Lahoffy grabbed Sheeza's arm, tugging her down the hallway toward the library.

Sheeza dragged her heels, reluctant to get involved in one of lahoffy's schemes. They almost always led to trouble. "Where are we going? What are you up to this time? And why do we have to help?"

"Because I can't do all the party planning by myself. I need help with the decorations and the baking." Lahoffy tugged harder, nearly pulling Sheeza head over heels. "Will you come on?"

Sheeza closed her eyes. I'm going to regret this, I just know it."Party? What party? Did we have a party planned?"

"Nope. It's a surprise Valentine's party for everyone. Just for the heck of it. You know, it's the day for friendship, love, yada, yada, yada. I thought it would be nice to show everyone how much the ClanCDC means to me."

"That doesn't sound too bad. Sounds kinda nice, actually. Ok, I'm in."

Opening the door to the library, the girls found the two immortals reading by the fireplace. Methos was sprawled as usual on the couch and Duncan was kicked back in the reclining chair.

Methos glanced up, hesitating for just a second at the determined look on lahoffy's face. "Duncan? Run! Run while you can." Springing off the couch, Methos raced for the doorway that led to the stairs, hoping he could hide somewhere in the house.

"You get Duncan while I corner Methos!" shouted lahoffy over her shoulder as she raced after the old guy. She caught him just as he twisted the doorknob and found it locked. "Sorry old man, I figured you'd try something like that. Need your help."

"What scheme have you got cooked up this time? Something that will make me wish I was beheaded? I hope it doesn't involve that collar again."

"Relax, I just need some help with a party. You know, extra hands in the kitchen to make the work go faster. You stayed behind so you're elected."

"Kitchen? Cooking, maybe? I've got some recipes I've been dying to try out on you ladies. If that's all it is, I'm in. As long as there's beer."

"There's beer." lahoffy grabbed Methos by the arm and turned back to see how Sheeza was doing with Duncan.

*******************************************************************

SheezaCDC

Duncan read the look on Methos' face and saw he wasn't kidding. Uh oh . . . this doesn't look good. Glancing at a determined lahoffy standing there with hands on her hips, his head swiveled to find Sheeza reaching out to grab his arm. Leaping over the side of the recliner, Duncan managed to elude the giant bear hug Sheeza was about to draw him into.

Sprinting out the other door, he sped down the hallway with Sheeza fast on his heels. A hard left took him into the dining room. He literally dove through the doorway leading into the kitchen. Tucking himself into a ball, he rolled and came up to land on his feet. Turning quickly, Duncan pushed back hard on the swinging kitchen door, closing it against the panting woman only a few feet away and coming towards him at top speed.

KER-WHAM! A heavy thud was heard on the other side of the door, moans coming from the downed CDC'er. Panic filled Duncan to his core. Nothing those two women wanted was equal to one of them getting hurt. Pushing the door open a crack, he observed Sheeza lying on the floor, one hand rubbing her forehead.

Quickly coming to her aid, Duncan knelt down beside Sheeza, concern evident in his eyes. "Sheeza? Hon? Are you ok?"

Sheeza moaned and one eye cracked a bit so she could check his exact location. "Ooh . . . my head," she groaned, apparently in a great deal of pain. Gingerly touching her head, she winced and hissed through her teeth.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Sheeza! Is there anything I can do? Here, let me help you." Duncan helped her to sit up and then to stand. It was a bit of a struggle for him, as her legs seemed made of rubber . . . really soft rubber.

Sheeza, leaning heavily on Duncan, allowed herself to be guided to a chair sitting next to the wall. "Ooh . . . " she gasped, "yes, there is something you can do for me." Taking a breath, she looked up at the man bending over her and smiled weakly.

"Are you all right? Just name it. What do you need?" Duncan looked into her eyes, earnest in his willingness to help.

"Lahoffy is planning a surprise party and I'm helping her. And . . . since you and Methos didn't go to the movies with the others, you are going to be our accomplices."

Duncan looked stricken. Putting his hands up, he flapped them as if to wave away such notions. "Accomplices?" His voice cracked, fear riding along the edge just at the mention of such a word. "No, Sheeza, I can't be an accomplice! Why...I know nothing of your plans! Really!"

With amazing speed, Sheeza's hand whipped out and took hold of his arm. A wikked smile formed and her blue eyes glittered like sapphires. "Oh? Well . . . "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duncan was speechless when Sheeza finally stopped for breath. His dark eyes were wide with awe and his mouth hung slack in amazement. Never in all his days had he ever heard anyone talk that fast! Then, it hit him . . . like a ton of bricks! Duncan had understood every word she had uttered and that meant he knew what lahoffy and Sheeza were planning. Realization set in. He was an accomplice now!

Rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, he knew he had lost. With a deep sigh of resignation, Duncan looked back at Sheeza. "All right, I'll help. But let's hear no more talk of accomplices, agreed?"

"Agreed!" Sheeza nodded vigorously, brightly smiling and happy that Duncan had joined in on their plans so easily.

Releasing his arm, she suddenly gasped and winced as if she were in terrible pain. "Ooh . . . my head . . . " Her lower lip quivered as she touched her head once more.

For a split second, Duncan thought the CDC'er might have really been in pain. However, he knew that Sheeza had learned much in her short time at the compound, and that lahoffy had been her instructor in many things.

Choosing to ignore the belated theatrics, Duncan extended his hand toward the woman seated before him. "Uh, Sheeza . . . Sheeza! Come on, let's go see if Methos was able to escape from lahoffy's clutches."

Seeing that she no longer could play the 'wounded victim', the CDC'er popped up from the chair grinning. "Oh . . . I doubt he got very far. Lahoffy is too swift for him I'll bet!" Sheeza locked her hand in his and off they went, back to the library.

********************************************************************

lahoffyCDC

The four party planners met in the hallway.

"We were just on our way back to check on you two," Sheeza said. "See, Duncan? I told you Methos wouldn't escape."

"Course not. I may not be 5000 years old, but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. Come on into the kitchen, we have lots to do," lahoffy said.

Making their way to the kitchen, lahoffy explained her idea to the two immortals. Since a party was always an interesting experience around the compound, they didn't take much persuading.

"So, if you and Sheeza will get the gazebo ready, Duncan, I'll get going on the cooking. There's a box of decorations hidden in the laundry room." She quickly glanced at her watch. "We've got about four hours before everyone's due back. Let's get moving, people!"

*******************************************************************

Half an hour later . . .

"Methos, this is a party. I am not serving lamb hearts with olives and fig leaves. Ick!"

"You asked for my help. We used to serve those all the time. Went over very well."

"Welcome to the 21st century, pal. Today, we serve cake and ice cream."

"Probably couldn't find any decent lamb hearts around here, anyway. They have to be fresh from--"

"Continue that sentence and I'll brain you with this cake pan. Hand me that flour, would you?"

"Where's your sense of adventure?"

Flouring the cake pans, lahoffy looked up at him and glared. "Lamb hearts are NOT adventure, it's icky."

"Fine, I don't suppose we have any peacock around here, do we?"

"I don't even want to know what you'd do with that." lahoffy poured the cake batter and shoved the pans into the oven. "How about salad? Can you do salad?"

"Sure. Think we have any goat cheese?"

Lahoffy closed her eyes and counted to 10. Then 20. "SALAD. You know? Lettuce, tomatoes, celery, maybe carrots?"

"You don't know what you're missing."

"I suppose next thing you'll want is yak butter," she said sarcastically.

"Plays havoc with the digestive tract, remember?"

Sighing in resignation, lahoffy laid her head on the counter, wondering how much it would hurt when she gave into the impulse to pound her head against it.

And the squabbling continued.

*****************************************************************

SheezaCDC

"All right, Duncan, guess you're mine! Come on then." Hooking a finger in the collar of his sweater, Sheeza pulled the Scot along behind her as she headed off in the direction of the laundry room. "You get to play pack mule. Hope those boxes aren't too heavy."

"Ach! Don't pull on me like that! You'll stretch my sweater! I'm coming . . . I'm coming!" He knew he sounded a little cranky, but in truth, Duncan thought the idea of a surprise party for all his friends was a pretty good one. "Why don't you go on out to the gazebo Sheeza, and check it out. I'll follow you with the decorations. When I get there, you will already have an idea of the cleaning that needs done."

With broom, bucket, and other assorted cleaning supplies, Sheeza headed straight for the gazebo. Piles of leaves were stuffed into the crevices, and a fine layer of dirt covered everything. Other than that, it had come through the worst of the winter quite nicely!

Hard at work wiping the dust and dirt from the benches and railings, Sheeza spotted Duncan coming across the lawn with three mid-sized boxes. Every few seconds, she saw him peek around the boxes as he made his way towards her. "You can put those over there, Sweetie. I've cleaned off that bench already."

Setting the boxes down, Duncan started pulling open the flaps on the top box. "Well, let's see what we've got here."

"Before we start that, how about helping me finish the tidying up?" Sheeza held out the long-handled dustpan, and nodding towards the garbage bag tied to a pole. "Help me with the rest of these leaves and I think we are done." Smiling at her work partner, she was pleased that the gazebo didn't need major help.

"You got it," he quipped, holding the dustpan for Sheeza to sweep in a pile of damp leaves. Emptying the trash in the bag, Duncan looked around and noticed it would be easy to put up the decorations.

"So? What did lahoffy get for decorations?"

"Oh, wait till you see it, Sheeza! Lahoffy really outdid herself! One thing though . . . when did she get it? With all of us around the house, I can't figure it . . . nobody saw her?"

"I didn't see her. What did she buy?"

"I didn't see her either."

A little exasperated, Sheeza rolled her eyes and tossed the broom onto the grass. Wiping her hands on her jeans, she pushed up her glasses and glared at Duncan. "It doesn't matter that nobody saw her Duncan! I'm asking what she bought!"

Surprised, he watched the broom sail through the air before turning back to face her. "Don't take that tone with me, Sheeza! The boxes are right over there! Go look for yourself!"

The young Scot and the CDC'er faced each other, hands on hips, glaring at each other defiantly. Seconds passed, both of them stubborn and pig headed; a staring contest in the works. Slowly their mouths started twitching, neither one budging until suddenly they fell into each other's arms giggling hysterically.

"Come on, Sheeza, let's get this done. From what I see, it's going to be beautiful!"

"Whatever you do, Duncan, don't tell me what's in the boxes," she said still giggling.

"Oh, I won't," he replied grinning slyly. "Just go see for yourself."

Stepping in front of the box, Sheeza took hold of the flaps.

Duncan stepped up behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Go on . . . open it. You'll see."

Folding back the cardboard, Sheeza grinned in delight. "Oh Duncan! The gazebo will be perfect!"

Pulling out a collapsed pink Chinese lantern, she held it aloft: allowing it to expand to its full size. At least a foot tall, the rose-colored paper was shot through with gold threads in a fleur de lis pattern. Tiny pink hearts and cupids completed the centerpiece. Inside, there was a cup large enough to hold a pillar candle.

"I'll bet that when this is lit, the candle will make it look like the little cupids are flying."

"We are going to need a ladder Duncan."

"On my way!" Duncan sprinted across the heading for the garage.

Gently, Sheeza laid the lantern aside. Setting the first box on the ground, she reached for the next one and what lay inside waiting to be discovered.

**************************************************************

lahoffyCDC

Duncan and Sheeza came back into the kitchen after finishing the decorating. The sight that greeted them caused them to stop in their tracks. Lahoffy was a muttering wreck. Flour dusted her face, her hair, and her clothes. There was a wild look in her eyes as she spun around to greet the pair. Methos, however, was happily sipping a beer, leaning against the counter with a pleased look on his face.

"There you two are! Get this . . . this creature out of my kitchen and out of my sight before I behead him!"

"If you didn't want my help, you shouldn't have dragged me in here."

"I thought you'd actually be of some help. Instead, you … you've done nothing but come up with horrible ideas and done your best to drive me crazy!"

"There's a long drive," Methos remarked dryly.

An incoherent screech came from lahoffy as she snatched up the nearest thing to hand (a butter knife) and ran towards him. Duncan grabbed her around the waist, pulling her up short.

"Whoa, there. No need for violence, now, is there?"

"Lemme go! Just give me five minutes, that's all I need. Just five minutes."

"Lahoffy, you don't really want to kill Methos, do you?" asked Sheeza, unbelievingly.

"Not at first. Torture, I can do torture. Ok, give me 10 minutes."

"I'm not letting you go until you calm down. We can work this out. Methos, apologize."

"ME? I didn't do anything! She's the one threatening to behead me and I'M supposed to apologize?"

"Methos . . . "Duncan said warningly.

"Fine. Whatever. I apologize for trying to help you with your surprise. I apologize for making perfectly valid suggestions, only to have them thrown back in my face. Happy?"

"Actually, that didn't sound like much of an apology to me . . . " began Sheeza.

At that moment, lahoffy broke free of Duncan's grip and started toward Methos once again. The old man hastily beat a retreat around the island workstation, circling back to stand in front of Duncan and Sheeza while lahoffy went the other direction. Snatching a tomato off the counter, lahoffy heaved it at Methos.

But the wily one ducked.

And the tomato missed him.

SPLAT!!!! went the tomato full into Duncan's face.

Everyone froze and stared at the red, dripping mess that covered Duncan.

*******************************************************************

SheezaCDC

In the kitchen, total and absolute silence reigned. Lahoffy was stunned, her eyes as big as saucers and her mouth hung open so wide, one would wonder if her jaw had come unhinged.

Sheeza turned and looked at the young Scot, surprised at the sound the ripe fruit had made when it hit his face and broke open. That tomato was awfully soft, a little too soft . . .Trying to be subtle, she leaned over and sniffed him. Yup, just what I thought. Her lip curled at the somewhat sour smell wafting from the Highlander.

Methos stood up and turned to watch a chunk of tomato slide slowly down Duncan's cheek and land on his chest before rolling on down to plop onto the floor. Just as slowly, he turned back and looked back at lahoffy, his face a mask of disbelief. "Now you’ve done it, you’ve really done it . . . " he whispered softly.

Duncan was as still as a statue, his eyes closed, his breathing calm and steady. At his sides, his hands clenched and unclenched in time to the muscles in his jaw. In one smooth move, his hands came up and wiped the mushy goo of a spoiled tomato from his eyes. Carefully, he opened his lids a crack and looked at the perpetrator of this heinous crime against him.

Looking at him standing there, his face totally plastered with rotten tomato, lahoffy started to mutter quietly. Her face started twitching and she blinked rapidly. With all her power, she tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it. Really . . . she couldn't.

Methos sniffed the air, his nose angled up, his nostrils flaring dramatically. He folded his arms and propped a finger against his cheek. "Could use a bit of oregano . . . yes . . . "

Sheeza gasped, surprise clearly written across her features. Finding the humor in the old man's statement, she decided to further 'help' the situation. "Oh I don't know . . . I think maybe a little balsamic vinegar and shaved Parmesan?"

Dark brown eyes flicked from Methos to Sheeza. Quite sure he heard a challenge in there somewhere, Duncan smiled: a cold and closed lipped grin. The stench of bad fruit hung around his face like a shroud. He couldn't escape the smell unless he took a shower.

Something snapped, something deep down inside the young Scot. "Well now, a little humor at my expense? All right then, let's all have a good laugh, shall we?"

Duncan stepped up and snatched a cruet of olive oil from off the counter. His eyes glittered and he laughed wickedly as he turned to face his two 'friends'. "Oregano?" He looked questioningly at Methos. Nodding his head, he glanced at Sheeza. "Balsamic vinegar and shaved Parmesan? Well, two points for originality, Sheeza, but you forgot something."

Lahoffy came around the counter with a towel, planning to help clean up her friend. Still giggling but trying to stifle them, she didn't see the soft juicy chunk of tomato on the floor. Stepping on the fruit, she slid, her legs flying apart. "Oooahahhh!" Lahoffy slipped and fell against Duncan, jostling his arm. The bottle of oil flew up into the air, flipping end over end; oil spilling out and coating Methos and Sheeza from head to toe before landing with a crash on the floor.

The kitchen was deathly quiet once again. The only sounds to be heard were droplets of oil as they fell and splatted on the tile, and the breathing of four people in shock.

"Lahoffy!"

"Don't yell at her, Methos! It's not her fault!"

"Duncan!"

"O,h quit yer whinin'! At least ye dinnae stink!"

"Don't yell at Sheeza!"

"I can yell at who I want to!"

"Duncan! Don't yell at lahoffy!"

"Why not? It's all her fault!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Don't apologize, lahoffy sweety, it was an accident."

"An accident?"

Duncan and Sheeza, Methos and lahoffy argued and bickered as they hollered and yelled at each other. Sides were taken and alliances were made, only to be broken and reformed several times. One would retreat, only to have another pursue and continue the tirade. Around the kitchen they went, until the quartet found themselves on opposite sides of the counter.

Sheeza glared at Methos. Methos snarled at lahoffy. Duncan scowled at Sheeza.

********************************************************************

lahoffyCDC

Lahoffy threw her hands up into the air. "To hell with all this!" she said, snatching the can of whipped cream up. "This is for everything you've done to me today." Pressing the valve, she aimed and unloaded the contents onto Methos.

Sputtering and dripping with oil and whipped cream, Methos blindly reached out to the counter, finding the bowl of jello that had been made, but not yet refrigerated. He swiped a hand across his eyes, clearing his vision. He spotted lahoffy backing away towards the door. "Now it's my turn." Stepping forward, he heaved the liquefied contents at her.

Unfortunately, Duncan had taken a step in lahoffy's direction, intent on putting an end to the melee before it got any further out of hand. Raspberry Jell-O splashed across him as well as lahoffy.

"METHOS!!!" he howled.

Sheeza, not to be left out, picked up the bag of tiny marshmallows and began lobbing them at Methos, grinning in amusement as they stuck where they hit.

Lahoffy, noticing the evil gleam in Duncan's eyes, as well as the glare on Methos' face, decided for once that discretion was the better part of valor and hightailed it out the door.

Racing across the compound in a frantic search for a good hiding place, followed by two angry immortals and a marshmallow-lobbing Sheeza, lahoffy made her way across the muddy ground towards the gazebo.

Slipping and sliding, she almost made it. Suddenly, her foot sank into a hole left by last year's gophers. With a yelp, she went down face first into the mud.

Duncan pulled up short at the sight, a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes.

Methos, however, found a slick spot and went sliding.

Straight into Duncan.

The collision sent both immortals down into the mud. The trio sat looking at each other as the mud dripped from every part of them.

Sheeza couldn't help it. She laughed. The three turned their gazes towards her.

"Get her!" they chorused together.

By the time the mud stopped flying, there wasn't a clean spot left on any of them. And the decorations, so carefully hung, lay in tattered, muddy ruins.

At that moment, an outraged shriek came from the direction of the house--along with the sound of the smoke detector!

"My CAKE!!" screamed lahoffy.

"That shriek sounded an awful lot like MacNair. They can't be back already, can they?" asked Sheeza.

Methos and Duncan tensed as they felt the buzz of other immortals. "Yes, they can," they said together.

Clansibs and immortals spilled out of the house, and, spotting the foursome, made their way over to them.

"WHAT did you do to my kitchen? It's a shambles. How could you do so much damage in so short a time?" demanded MacNair, who was bristling like a wet cat.

"Surprise? Happy Valentine's Day?" squeaked out lahoffy.

Richie was collapsed in laughter, Sharz was trying desperately not to giggle, lynnann beamed her mysterious smile, MacNair continued to rant, and Connor?

Connor picked up the hose and gleefully hosed off each of the mud-caked, would-be party givers.

And instead of a Valentine's party, the four partners-in-crime spent the evening cleaning and swearing never again to get involved in one of lahoffy's schemes.

At least, until the next one came along . . .

lahoffyCDC & sheezaCDC
February 14, 2002

Back to The Playroom

Back to the Library

Home