Oh, that Connor,

he's the man.

If he can't blow out them candles,

ain't no man that can!

Not to worry,

never to fear;

Methos with a fire extinguisher

is standing near!

Oh that Connor

He takes the cake

it took all day

*that* one to bake!

The Clan's lined up

row on row

waiting for their turn

to kiss their beau!

Immortals, too,

but planning pain

armed with paddles

or a stout cane!

pacemCDC

Is there a baker amongst us???

Didn't Sharz make a chiffon pie with cherries on top once?

We can always get a big sheet cake at Farmer Jack's.

(we’ll have to take the horse trailer though)

MacNair

"Okay, okay, I get the point," muttered Duncan. He searched around in the garage until he found a single key. "Here you go. One key to the horse trailer." He seized Methos by both shoulders and looked at him. "Do NOT let Connor have this key--not even for an instant, do you hear me?"

"I hear you, I hear you. He won't even see me."

pacemCDC~just helping out a friend

"Pleeeeeaaase, lahoffy", Methos pleaded. “Just attach the horse trailer to your van … we'll be there and back in no time. I promised Mac--Connor can't see us and we can't waste time. I'll drive...."

VVRROOOOOMM VVRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM

MacNairCDC

"You need to have this suspension checked, lahoffy," grated out the old immortal through clenched teeth. "It's a good thing I told the bakery to just send the frosting along instead of them putting it ON the cake."

"I like my rattley old van, thankyouverymuch. It reminds me of a Harley ... sort of."

"With the rear view mirror dangling like this?"

"That's Richie's fault," replied she.

"Just *how* did it happen?"

"Um-m, well ... uh … we were, uh..."

"Never mind," sighed Methos. "I can guess." He checked his outside mirrors again, watching the double horse trailer--and was aghast to see the flashing lights of a patrol car! "WHAT?!"

pacemCDC

"Oh no," lahoffy moaned as she slid down the seat. Looking squinty eyed at Methos, she asked, "did you by any chance bother to put new tags on the trailer before you hitched it to my van? You 5000 year old……."

"Step out of the car, sir."

Methos heard and, at the same time, felt an immortal presence. He looked up and saw Richie flashing his plastic Lone Ranger badge and laughing hysterically. "I always wanted to do that!" he chuckled.

Just then they both felt another immie presence and coming the other way was Connor and MacNair, who skidded to a gravel-flying stop about 100 feet down the road!

MacNairCDC

“Drat it!” said MacNair. “He was supposed to go the other way to town!"

"Hey? That's the horsetrailer he's towing!" Connor craned his neck some more. "That's MY trailer and the key's been lost, according to Duncan."

"He was suppose to go the *other* way to town," again muttered MacNair.

"Duncan said he had to ask the key-man to come out to rekey it ... and he was booked solid for two months." Connor was head-first out the window, still glaring at Methos across the 100 yards.

"The OTHER WAY to town," droned the voice in the side seat.

"How the hades did HE find a key and not *TELL* me?!" demanded Connor across the gravel-dust-choked distance.

"HE WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE OTHER ROAD TO TOWN, DAMMIT!" MacNair stuck her head out the window for this last vociferous pronouncement and all three people, (lahoffy, Methos and Richie) jumped.

"Uh-oh," said lahoffy.

"UH-oh!" said Richie, "your goose is cooked now, old man!"

"Was I supposed to take the other road into town?" Methos inquired to the windshield. "Ah, well, here we go..." Verv-vervvvv-vrooom, said the engine of the van and Methos cranked the wheel around right there in the road and stomped on the acceleration pedal. The van coughed, choked, sputtered, lurched ... and took off--with the empty horse trailer swaying behind it.

Richie coughed, choked and sputtered himself, but it had nothing to do with his motorcycle and more to do with gravel dust. When it cleared, there was Connor MacLeod, pop-eyed, staring after the quickly retreating van.

"Hey! That's my trailer!" he shouted, and with a terrible SCRR-OOO-IINK of grinding metal, threw his truck into gear to pursue.

MacNair leaned back in her seat and kicked the stick back into neutral. The truck roared from the acceleration pedal … and didn't move.

"Mac-Nair!" shouted Connor. "They're getting away!"

"Let them," she grated.

"But that's MY trailer!"

"LET THEM, DAMMIT!"

Connor frowned at her, suddenly realizing that she’d sworn twice in a span of ten minutes. What’s going ON here?

Richie leaned in the window with all his boyish charm and humor. "Hey, you old fart--you can't go chasing after Methos anyway. You were sent to town after some ice cream and it's melting in the back." He jerked his head down the road, where the dust trail was heading away. "You just get yourself home where you belong ... I'm sure that trailer will show up later."

Connor paused and stared up the road. "Is this something you're hatching up for my birthday?" He looked at MacNair, who looked quite grumpy. "Uh-oh, and the surprise is ruined?"

"I'll just kill him later."

"Now, now, now, MacNair. I'll still act surprised. No one will know that I saw him leave with it." He smiled, delightedly. "I can't WAIT to see what he brings back!"

Methos: "Whew, I think we got away. Richie and MacNair must have kept him from chasing me."

lahoffy: "Good thing. We would have had to explain all that waxed paper back there to keep his cake clean!"

::ring::ring::ring:: said the cell phone.

Methos, dubiously: "Hello?"

MacNair's-Minnie-Mouse-voice on the phone: "Well, old boy, you'd better fill that horse trailer up with something GOOD now, because he expects it."

Methos, slightly alarmed: "Som--something GOOD?!"

MacNair's M-M-V: "Yeah, r-e-a-l good."

Methos: "Damn! I should have taken the other road!"

pacemCDC

Methos looked worried but ... glanced sideways at lahoffy to see if she noticed.

lahoffy was still crouched down in the seat, wincing as the trailer fishtailed behind them causing great clouds of dust and gravel.

Methos, regaining his composure and with butter-melting charm, brightly said, "You know, we've got to do something *really* special for Connor's birthday. It's not everyday you turn 485."

lahoffy grumbled that she didn't think she'd make it to 25 at the rate Methos was driving.

"No, really, what could we do to make Connor happy? Hmmmmmmmm ... Connor loves the CDCers and all their friends. What if we have all of you jump out o.........”

lahoffy jumped up, flicked her halo at him and started sputtering, "Of all the hackneyed, preposterous, absurd ideas. That one takes the cake!!!! No pun intended!"

Methos came back with wide-eyed innocence just dripping from every word, "Now, now, lahoffy, where is your sense of fun? And it wouldn't have to be all of you jumping out of the cake -- we have the frosting in tubs. You could just cover yourselves in frosting and decorously lounge around the cake. Sort of like confection camouflage."

lahoffy muttered, "I'd like to confection you," but instead got an evil grin and with sparkling eyes said, "Sure, we could do that--but you've got to help, okay? I've got to call the others and let them in on this. They will have to have the shed open when we get there so we can get the trailer back in and lose the key. I'm going to crawl in the back of the van so I can make sure all the clansibs know what to do when we get there."

Methos hummed happily, the trailer swayed merrily and lahoffy directed CDCers and friends conspiratorially in her plan which included hayden and her super-soakers filled with blue frosting....

MacNairCDC—random comments inside the shed:

Methos, leaning against the bumper of the horse trailer, smirked at the comments. "Look, girls, we have to move the cake first. Let's all roll the dolly out and maneuver it into the spare garage." He shot a glance at Sharz and Janne. "You *did* clean that space I asked you for, right?"

"Yes, we did." Sharz smiled at Janne. "I don't think we've seen the floor in there for YEARS, but it's clean now and ready for a big bash!"

"...With blue frosting..." added one voice.

"How'd we get blue?" asked another.

"Better than green with STRIPES, don't you think?"

"Ar-r-gh! Tartan frosting?"

lahoffyCDC

Connor stood outside the garage bracketed on both sides by Duncan and Methos, blindfolded.

"I don't suppose we can just skip this, can we?" grumbled Connor.

"And disappoint the girls?" Duncan responded. "Do you have any idea the amount of time and work they put into this surprise?"

"Not to mention the fact that I had to drive lahoffy's van. Dang thing needs shocks as well." Methos muttered as he gingerly rubbed a delicate portion of his anatomy.

"Did you make sure the fire insurance was up to date, Duncan?"

"Connor MacLeod! You are going to go in there, act surprised, have a good time and stop your incessant fretting about the damn fire insurance!!"

"Hayden's in there, right? I have to worry about fires when she's around!"

"Should have gagged you as well as blindfolded you."

"Heh, heh, heh."

MacNairCDC

(From inside the shed)

::tap::tap::tap::tap:: A voice from outside called through the door: “Here comes the BIRTHDAY BOY!” S-l-o-w-l-y, the door swung open. S-l-o-w-l-y, Connor was shuffled inside…

Methos smirked and nodded approvingly, but Duncan stared, mouth agape and then clamped a hand over his mouth to stop a shriek of hysteria at the scene…

lahoffyCDC

Methos could see that Duncan was in no condition to talk. What with the tears pouring from his eyes and the way he was leaning against the door to keep standing.

"Make a wish, Connor, and I'll remove the blindfold."

"Oh God! Tell me there are not 485 candles on that thing! I didn't bring my katana!"

A muffled squeak escaped Duncan's lips as he tried to contain his hysterical laughter. Is there ANYTHING these girls won't do? he thought wildly.

"Would you just make a wish, you silly Scot!"

Connor thought for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. Done."

Methos whipped off the blindfold and stepped back.

Connor's eyes bugged out at the sight that greeted his eyes once they'd adjusted. Various girls in various states of dress (and undress) were lounging on one of the largest sheet cakes he'd ever seen, all decked out in blue frosting.

"Surprise!" They all chirped. "Happy Birthday, Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!"

"And who says wishes don't come true?" Connor mused.

MacNairCDC

Duncan clapped Connor on the back with a throat-clearing cough. “So, what did you wish for, as if I couldn’t guess?”

“The usual.”

“A gaggle of nekkid women covered with frosting?” innocently inquired Methos.

“The gaggle. The frosting is extra.” Connor was still sizing up the enormous cake and the confection clad, cheering, CDCers.

“You wanna know the rules to this cake?” announced one blue face in the crowd.

“Oh, yes, the rule,” said another.

“You MUST follow the rule to the letter!”

Connor looked from one face to the next. “More rules? It’s my birthday!”

“There are always rules to a cake like THIS,” firmly declared another blue girl.

“Okay, okay,” the grinning Scot acquiesced. “What is the rule to this cake?”

~ expectant pause ~

“Before you get the cake, you have to lick the frosting off!”

“WHAT!?” He stared in shock.

“Yep. It should take you about four hundred and eighty-five licks, I suspect…” sounded one girl with a halo over her head. (Also dripping with frosting!) “Next year, we’ll have to add another ounce of whipping cream! Add that to the list, MacNair!”

Story written for Connor’s 485th Birthday, Jan 1, 2003!

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