"The Old-Fashioned Way"

A CCD spamfic by Lan 

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stop that!  NOOOOOO! That's my folder with all my 20 Mensou 
translation notes! Give it back!

Rating/Warning: PG-13 for language and implied shounen

Spoilers:  Not many but there are probably a few . . .

Additional Note:  About six years after CCD and a few years before X.

Brief summary: The question plagueing CCD fandom, Suoh/Nokoru or Suoh/Nagisa? Looks like we'll have to settle this in the 
old-fashioned way . . .

***

WHEN ANIME CHARACTERS STOP BEING NICE AND START BEING THEMSELVES . . .

Azure eyes met grey in a fierce stare.  

"I met him first Nagisa-jyou, I have more right to him than you." 

"Nokoru-sama, you're the one who set us up.  You're responsible for this," Nagisa smiled sweetly.  

"That's because I didn't think I'd fall for him like this.  I love him.  I need him." 

"I can't control the stirrings of your heart, Nokoru-sama.  Perhaps you should see a therapist.  I hear that wealthy 
children often grow up with a kind of mental instability." 

"Aaa, but you're the one who was possessed."

"I had two episodes with him in the anime.  'You are Deep in My Heart' and 'True Romance.'  Top that."

"I had the two-parter 'Escape to Victory' with him.  And those episodes had just as much gushing and sap as yours."

"I starred in Hagun Seisenki with him." 

"You appeared once or twice in the CCD manga.  He was by my side more 

in the CCD manga than he was with you in Hagun Seisenki or in the anime." 

"You're insecure, and narcist to boot."

"Speak for yourself."

"Takamura-san is not yours."

"Will the both of you stop speaking about me as if I weren't here?" Suoh asked politely.  This was an argument that 
had repeated itself many times in the last five years.  

"Actually, they talk about you as if you were a cake for desert," the raven-haired boy to his right grinned.  

"Mmmm, Suoh for dessert . . . " a certain blond weasel licked his lips appreciatively. 

SMACK!

"That hurt, Nagisa-jyou!"    

"Serves you right for speaking of Takamura-san in such a manner!"

"That doesn't mean you have to get violent, you, you, wisteria demoness you!"

"Oooooooh, I'm real scared now Mr. Pretty Boy with a Complex!"

"Complex?  I don't have a complex!"

"Yes, complex!  What's with carrying around that oh-so feminine fan all the time?  Need your security blanket, baby?"

"Baby?!!  I'm almost seven years older than you!"

"Too bad you act like seven year old spoiled brat.  Always getting  yourself into trouble and then dragging 
poor Takamura-san and Injyuin-kun into it.  And then there's you and your depraved idea of 'fun'."

"At least I don't go around looking stoned all the time!  I think the wisteria is screwin' with your head." 

"Then at least *I* have a reason to look like this, what's your excuse?"

"Heh!  I look better than you any day of the week, as a boy or a girl."

"I knew that was you in the Pet Contest, geesh you were a crossdresser since the sixth grade . . ." 

"It's sad that the prettiest girl on campus is a boy.  You wouldn't  look half so good."

"As what?  A boy or a girl?"

"Either." 

"Takamura-san, you can't let him just say all those mean things about little ol' me?"

"Well, um, Nagisa-san, I don't look seeing the two of you argue but uh . . ."

"Ahem, Kaichou."

"Yes, Akira?"

"You better wrap this up quick because you have a meeting with  someone named Monou in twenty minutes."

"Oh, yes I had forgotten all about the end of the world . . ."

"YOU WHAT?!!"

The lavender-haired flute player grabbed Nokoru by the collar.  "The  end of the world is at hand, and you didn't 
have the decency to  inform your friends?  Do you have NOTHING IN THAT EMPTY BLOND HEAD OF  OURS?!!"

"Um, careful with the shirt Nagisa-jyou it wrinkles easily."

"Takamura-san how can you consider him?  I may look stoned, but he's a ditz!" she glared at Suoh accusingly. 

For all the IQ the Imonoyama possessed, even Suoh had to admit that Nagisa had a point.

"Ne, Nagisa-san, Kaichou is merely," Akira searched for the right word.  "Excentric."  

"He's a ditz." 

Miffed by being branded as a blond ditz, Nokoru decided that the best defense was offense.

"You're at least six years younger than him, aren't there laws against that kind of thing?"

"Nokoru-sama, really!  I'm surprised at you!  *Our* relationship is platonic, can't speak for yours.  What 
have you been doing with Suoh all those times you two had to stay at the office for paperwork?"

"Paperwork was all, I swear!  Right, Suoh?"

A blue eyebrow raised into a fine arch.  "No comment."

"Nokoru-sama, you've corrupted and perverted him! What will his mother think?"

"Uh-oh, you're not going to say anything to her, right?"  Suoh's mom was one scary woman. 

"I dunno, it may just slip in a conversation since we have tea together quite a bit."

"You wouldn't, you couldn't."

"I can.  I will."  

"Fine, after we get you tested for drugs."

"After we get you tested for rabies."

"Nagisa-jyou!"

"Nokoru-sama." 

"Stop it right now!" Suoh had had enough of this petty squabbling.  "We'll settle this once and for all the old-fashioned way!"

". . ." 

"What is the 'old-fashioned' way, Takamura-sempai?" Akira wanted to know.  

"We'll flip a coin." 

"NANI?!!!"

"Ne, Suoh, after all the characterization and depth CLAMP has given  us, you'll throw away all of that with the flip of a coin?" 
Nokoru gave his best 'wounded-puppy' statement. 

"I'll lose my sanity if I hear you two bickering over me." 

"Sumimasen."

"At least you agree on something.  Who's got a coin?"

"I have one."

"So do I." 

The Takamura warrior let out a ragged sigh, running a hand through his hair.  "Ijyuin, do *you* have a fair coin we can use?"

"Of course, Takamura-sempai!”

Deftly he flipped the shining 100 yen piece. 

"Call it!"

"Heads!"

"Tails!"  

CLUNK!

Slowly and delibarately Nokoru walked over to where the coin landed.  "How in the name of the CLAMP universe did the 
damn coin have the luck to end up exactly on its side?"

Nagisa joined in his scrutiny of the coin.  

"Nokoru-sama,  I think Lord Fate and Lady Destiny are trying to tell us something.  We should settle this the 
old-fashioned tried-and-true method that we learned from pointless children's programming when we were younger."

"Share and share alike?"

"Exactly.  I'll take him Tuesday, Thurdays, and Saturdays.  You take Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  
We'll alternate Sundays."   

"Deal."

"Don't *I* get any say in this?!!"

"No."

"How romantic!  Takamura-sempai will have the two he loves by his side forever!"

"INJYUIN!!!"

*owari*

Author's Additional Note:  Heh, that was fun.  You do realize that was written at 2:00 AM.  

The Equation:  

(a x b) + (c x d) = ab + cd 

(Lan x Sugar) + (Sleep Deprivation x Depression) = Weirdness in Large Quanities and Odd Concentrations