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that fifteen word commentary neatly and politely encapsulates a weeklong ordeal. here's the timeline:

18:00 -- gene and i arrive at library, check out books, go back out to parking lot to see flat. laugh a little, then dig out the never before used spare and tools.

18:10 -- we get the first four bolts off but can't get the fifth.

18:20 -- friendly passerby tells us it is a locking bolt and we should have a special tool to remove it. it has a head shaped like a flower, and for some reason this makes me laugh.

18:40 -- the contents of the entire car are spread out over the parking lot as we look for the tool. there is no tool. i am no longer laughing.

18:45 -- i dig out my cellphone and rummage through various wallets for the aaa card and give them a call. they say someone will be there within an hour.

19:55 -- smartass smelly aaa guy shows up. he looks at the problem and tells me i just need a special tool to get the bolt off. i tell him there is no tool. he tells me there is, i just don't know where to look. i step back and smile, "show me."

20:00 -- aaa guy admits he is an idiot. then tells me based on the wear on the edge of the tire, that i must have been driving with it low for quite a while; must be a slow leak. i tell him i don't think so. he ignores me. "i'll be back with the compressor in a minute. we can just fill it up and you'll be on your way."

20:20 -- aaa guy arrives with the van and compressor. hooks it up to my tire and we both watch as the air goes in and then out again through the giant hole now evident in the tire. "been driving with that for a while, have i?"

20:25 -- i almost lose my temper when smartass aaa guy says he has no tool. i also almost cry. no one has the tool but the tire guys. he can tow the car to big o, but he has to return the van and come back with the flat bed. i call my father, who is luckily in town with a rental car, and ask him to please pick us up.

20:45 -- smartass aaa guy arrives with the flatbed and takes the car to the closed big o tires' parking lot. dad arrives and takes everyone home.

08:00 -- dad takes me to big o tires where the very nice counter people laugh at me and tell me they can break the bolt off, and most likely break other important things in the process, or i can take the car to the dealer to see what they can do. very nice but basically clueless counter person tells me the dealership has special keys available on site, at the parts store, if i will just take the vehicle identification number with me.

08:20 -- the crabby man behind the volkswagen parts counter laughs at me, then stops long enough to tell me i can order a special key from the manufacturer and have it delivered to my home address if i find the special number hidden on a special card in the car's manual. he informs me the other option is to bring the car in and let the mechanics use their extra special master key to remove the locking bolt.

08:45 -- i go back to the car at big o tires, discover there is no special card so there is no special number therefore there will be no ordering of the special key. i call aaa and ask very nicely if i can have the car towed again since last night the smartass aaa guy towed it somewhere that was of no use.

11:30 -- joy of joys, it is once again the smartass aaa guy. he loads the car and drives it, and me, to the vw dealer, all the while playing bad heavy metal and bitching about the other calls he's had to take since he last saw me. i am unamused.

12:00 -- the vw guys say it will be about 90 minutes, and do i just want them to take off the bolt. i ask very nicely if they will please take off all four locking bolts and throw them very far away. they agree to the former, decline the latter. i go to get lunch.

13:30 -- i pick up the car, now sporting the very attractive pseudospare. don't drive faster than 50mph!

14:00 -- having decided i may as well just bite the bullet and get 4 new tires since i have been driving on the existing ones for more than 50,000 miles, i call the big o guys, ask when they can get me in to get new ones. they say they can order the appropriate tires and they'll be delivered this afternoon. they'll call and i can come right over and get set up.

18:00 -- i call big o. they say the tires are in but they've closed early that day only, for a special meeting. i put my head down and cry. they must have heard me because they assure me they will all be at work tomorrow and i can come in first thing in the morning.

08:00 -- i call my good friends at the tire company and they say to come on down. i come on down. they say it will be about 40 minutes. i sit for 45.

08:45 -- a very greasy overalled man comes into the waiting room and starts talking to another gentleman, also waiting, about how one of the bolts is frozen and they'll have to break it off. this will be a problem because the mechanic has the day off and they can't do it without him around. the counter girl tells the greasy mechanic he is talking to the wrong person. he turns to me and starts the whole story again. i stop him and ask if they can take care of the other three. he says they've got three bolts off, it's the fourth that won't come undone. i try again, more slowly. can he please replace the other three tires and i will return when the mechanic is there to have the fourth done.

08:50 -- the greasy mechanic looks at me as though i am speaking mandarin chinese. the counter girl says, "yes, we can do that."

09:30 -- $445 later, i am out of there with three new tires and one that refuses to leave its beloved car.

god, this is boring even me. and i was so overwrought at the time, especially when i discovered there was no card to order the needed tool. i almost understood the mindset of someone like timothy mcvey. if a volkswagen plant had been close by, i could have seen driving over to blow it up. but only after calling ahead and telling all the people to get away, get far away. it was obvious someone somewhere had forgotten that the tires on my vehicle needed the special tool and the special card, had forgotten to throw them in the glovebox or the toolkit or anywhere at all. i wanted that person's head.

the fourth tire was handled; the mechanic is apparently better at using the air drill or whatever it is, and he managed to undo the bolt without breaking a damn thing. and they couldn't find the paperwork from my previous visit so they made up a number for the price of the tire that was about five dollars less than what i paid for each of the others.

wow, all that work for a $5 profit.

i keep thinking there should be a moral of this story, a nice neat pithy ending. instead, there is just me, driving the car, with four new tires.

i still love my car.

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