PORTLAND COLLEGE
Hi! This is where I have been sent and I haven’t even done anything wrong. Sentenced to four years without even doing anything. There’s no justice in the education system nowadays. This page is to give a jaundiced view of what life is like for the students at this particular mini centre of excellence.
Stalag Portland
17 years old and sent to Stalag Portland in September 2006. At least I should be grateful that they don’t still have convict ships, otherwise I might have been going to Sydney. I finished school in July and before I knew what was happening I had been sentenced and carted off to this place. Situated in the middle of Sherwood Forest, it sounds ideal but don’t be deceived. Not even the squirrels live in this part of the forest. It is devoid of life of any kind, either animal or human, and miles from the nearest civilisation. That’s if you can call Mansfield civilised; but compared to this place it beckons like the brightest star.
Firstly, let’s get the good points out of the way. That shouldn’t take me too long. The education at Stalag Portland is both good and enjoyable. Well, at least I think it is. (Maybe I’m just going stir-crazy.) The course I am on is designed to develop me and help me prepare for life in employment and living independently. Also I have made some good friends amongst the other inmates.
Some of the Inmates
What other good points are there about Portland? Well we are let out on parole occasionally; thirteen weeks a year. These weeks coincide with school holidays. We wouldn’t normally get so long but the guards like to think they are teachers and insist on the same sort of holidays. This means that there is nobody to look after us so we are let free to cause havoc in the world for a while occasionally.
Guards at work in the control room
(Cheerful looking bunch, aren't they!)
What’s not so good about Portland? Well, there’s always the food. I think most of it has been returned from the local pig farm, where the animals refused to touch it because of its condition. Shakespeare in Macbeth came upon three witches in the Forest of Endor. Well I think we have the rest of the family living with us at Portland and doing the cooking. Occasionally they slip up and make something edible, but normally they can be relied on to produce consistently disgusting stuff. Might be a bit better if we had a wider choice at meal times, especially on a weekend. Sunday is a Sunday lunch, take it or leave it. There’s a lot to be said for Sweet & Sour Chicken from the takeaway!
“Hubble, bubble, toil & trouble”