| The Roomate |
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| i used to have a quote wall on my website, but then i realized, 90% of the quotes *and the funniest ones at that* were from my roomate, a.k.a. Rachel. So what the hell, why not give her her own page on my site, she lives with me for God's Sake, i think she deserves it! |
| Here's Rachel and Morgan (Rachel's on the left) At first glance, she appears NORMAL, oh, what a deception that is! |
| "Don't scratch people's genitals" -Rachel |
| "I'm not going to listen unless you talk" |
| "I don't want to put Lever 2000 in my hoo hoo" |
| "these look like my nipples... oh wait, they ARE my nipples." |
| me: "when i'm bored, i play with my armpit hair." rachel: "that's okay. when i'm bored, i play with my clitoris. and my ass-hole. my sweaty sweaty ass-hole." |
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| Rachel never takes out the garbage or recycling, she's constantly using my computer, using up my printer paper on not replacing it, is one messy motherfucker (sometimes i can't even get over to my side of the room, all her shit's in the way) leaves clumps of makeup in the sink, and every so often, loudly proclaims, "it would behoove you not to turn around, i'm putting in my tampon." She's the best roomate ever. |
| Rachel turns around in her bathrobe, her back to me, scented lotion in hand. "I'm going to mosturize myself now." She then steps on her vibrator which turns on and begins making vibrating noises. me: "well, that's ONE way to moisturize yourself!" |
| VIBRATOR DUELS! |
| We were discussing bathing and how my gf made me bathe every day when she was here, and Rachel said she's make me bathe too if she was kissing me, and then she says "omigod, i had a dream last night that we made out! I just remembered!" apparently in the dream were were about to kiss, but then both started laughing hysterically, 'cause i realized i only like women with short hair, and she realized she was straight. |
| "hell, if i was gonna be gay, i'd cut off my hair and hook up with claire... ooo, i made a rhyme!" |
| (the flossing play by play) "well, we're bleeding a bit here...damn i have a lot of shit between my teeth... i should really floss more often, huh? oh, commence bleeding on the lower half of my teeth." |
| Oh, and we decided we should put up a sign on the door saying "God loves us best" 'cause Rachel's uncle is a Jesuit. |