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I sat down after returning home from the graveyard. It had seemd a long day, although it was only 3pm. The house was empty - my mother out again, at her friends' house. I decided to go and tidy my room, as it was an absolute mess. If I didn't I knew my Mum would nag me to do it anyway. Mike would be round in couple of hours, so I had plenty of time.
I made my way upstairs, to my room. It was a mess - clothes, cd's, and magazines were everywhere. I began to tidy my magazines up, after turning on the local radio - a song I liked was playing, so I turned the volume up a bit more.
I stopped tidying the magazines for a moment, thinking back to when Nicky and I had danced to the radio - it was so funny - he had just pulled me up from the couch, and twisted me around. It was insane, but we did it anyway. That was one of the qualities I loved most about him - he didn't care what anyone else thought. I smiled to myself, remembering that day - we were around at his house, waiting to hear if he was moving away or not. I gave a soft chuckle to myself, as I remembered Nicky's dancing - he was way out of beat!
As I laughed, I felt my eyes welling up with tears. I felt one run down my cheek - I felt empty inside - still, after 2 years, it was clear I was still hurting. That something had gone from my life - the something that Nicky had provided. When Nicky was here, there was a reason to get up in the mornings, someone to make me laugh, to open up my heart to, to hold.......
I glanced up at my bedside photo of us. I would stare at it continually some nights, looking to it as some kind of comfort. I knew I'd never forget Nicky - he'd always be in my heart, no one could change that. I just couldn't help thinking to about how things might be now, if he was still here - there were so many things I wished I'd said to him - things I'd never have the oppertunity to say.
My thoughts then wandered to other aspects of my life - my future. Would I ever settle down with anyone? Would I be able to? I knew if I continued to live in the past ,like I was doing, I wouldn't. The only person I'd ever wanted to settle down with was gone - I had to come to terms with that. I felt guilty for thinking like that - thinking about living my life with someone else. I knew though, there would come a time in my life where I would clearly have to move on. Deep down I knew this...I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself.
I couldn't live my life with only memories to comfort me. It was unrealistic of me to even think that. It was just, at that particular point in time, I didn't want to think about moving on. I was scared....scared of forgetting. I didn't want to forget - and that's what I feared the most. But, when would I know it's time to move on? How would I know? I just hoped that in the future, I'd be able to look back happily, on the memories I cherished and not feel sad, lonely and alone like I did at the moment.
My trail of thought came to an end, and I decided to give up on tidying my room - I wasn't really in the mood. Instead, I put on my shoes, grabbed my jacket, and went outside, for a walk. I thought it would do me the world of good - give me the oppertunity to clear my head, and get some fresh air in my lungs.
I made the decision to walk up the hill, the hill Nicky and I used to walk up - where his memorial plaque was. It had been a while since I had ventured up there, and you saw the most wonderful view. It didn't take me long to reach the top - it was a lovely day - the sun was shining down on the hill top. As I walked over to the edge, I looked at Nicky's plaque - I had put it there, in memory of him, as I knew he loved it up here, and we had so many good times here. I sat down, and looked at the view.
I could see the entire villiage - not much seemed to be going on though, it was pretty quiet. I watched anyway. I thought about the times Nicky and I had spent up on the hill - we would talk for hours.... I remembered sometimes we sit here on the hill when it was dark, watching the stars, and the village lit up. We would watch the stars sparkling, and the moon shining on the lake below. I remembered one time in particular......

"Isn't the sky beautiful Nicky?"
I turned, and looked at Nicky - his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. We were huddled together, both wrapped in his jacket, due to the chill that was in the air. Still, we didn't mind.
"Yeah, isn't it - not as beautiful as you though Charlotte."
He smiled at me, and squeezed my hand. I smiled back, then returning my gaze to the sky.
"I love it up here - it really is nice - you can see everything. And, it's nice and quiet."
"I know, it is.....I like sitting up here with you."
"And I like sitting up here with you Nicky. I love you."
"I love you too."
It was my turn to squeeze his hand.
"Wow! Nicky, look.....a shooting star."
I pointed towards an orange ball swiftly moving across the sky.
"Oh yeah - look at it, it's so bright."
"Yeah, they say you're meant to make a wish on a shooting star you know."
"Do they now?" Nicky smiled. "There's only one wish I'd ever want to make - to spend forever with you, the girl I love more than anything else in the world."
"Awww- Nicky, I want that too. I love you."
I kissed him on the lips.
The sky was still, no clouds in sight. The stars shone bright, the moon completely visible. It wasn't quite a full moon though, but near enough.
Nicky put his am around me and pulled me closer. I felt safe, and contented there, wrapped up in his jacket.......

I'll never forget that night....on the hill. That shooting star....the sky...Nicky.
Sitting on the hill, I felt warm - the sun was shining directly on me. I was glad to have walked up there - it was nice.
It was strange in a way aswell - everytime I was on the hill top, I felt closer to Nicky. Closer than I ever felt to him by his grave. I suppose, I was always surounded with memories of us, whilst on the hill. I wasn't sure why - it just felt as if Nicky was at my side, sitting with me, sharing my thoughts. I often wondered if he could see me, sitting on the hill. Some nights, when I'd come up at night, and watch the stars like we used to do, I would stare hard at them, and wonder....wonder if one of those stars was Nicky, twinkling down on me, shining, keeping watch over me. I liked to think that. It may seem silly, but I did - I suppose it was comfort and a way of satisfying my curiosity.
I would always wonder where Nicky was, if he was happy, if he could see me.....so many things I would never know.
I knew one thing for sure though - he would always be with me, where ever I would go - he said so when watching the shooting star.........