| "What sort of man?"Amy looked at me, puzzled. I could tell she was desperate to know all of the details. "Well, he was my age I think, quite tall, blonde hair, friendly."She nodded."Oh right - strange he didn't tell you his name though." "Well, he seemed in a rush, but yeah, it is a bit strange.""Well, he sounds nice - I mean, helping you like he did...." "He was - by the way he spoke it sounded as if he'd been through what I am.""Maybe he had. You haven't seen him at the cemetry before?""No, never. He made me see thing's in a different light - that there is hope, time will heal the hurt." "It will, you've just got to hold on, aand cope best you can.""I know - I just wanted to thank him, that's all." "Yeah - oh well, if you see him again let me know!""Well.....""So, how are you coping anyway? Are you okay, seriously?" "Well, I wasn't yesterday, but I expected that. It's just sometimes the littlest things bring it all back to me - you know. I don't mind remembering - I love those memories. It's just learning to cope with remembering them - do you know what I mean?" "Well, I understand where you're coming from yeah. But, even though it's been two years, you can't be expected to have gotten over it all yet. I mean- look what you went through. You've been through more than most people ever have to cope with. " "I know - I know Amy.""Well then - I could never have coped as well as you did Charlotte - I would have fallen apart." "I did.""No you didn't. We all knew how close you both were, and how much you cared for him Charlotte. You were hurt, upset, grieving but you never gave up - you held on in there."I smiled. "I did what I though was best. The councelling helped. I know it wasn't for long, but in those months I had it, it helped me - you know - to get all of my feelings and thoughts out in the open." "Yeah - I know. I think it did too. We all miss him too Charlotte - if you ever need to talk to anyone....?" "I know - thanks. I might take you up on that!""Well, that's what friends are here for. Hey, how do you fancy coming out tonight - to the pub or something?""I don't know Amy....""Oh go on! It'll do you good! It'll just be us. It might help you to relax." "Well, I don't think....""Great - 7pm it is! I'll pick you up sharp, so be ready!" "Amy...""Okay then, well, that's sorted! See you later Charlotte, and take care." With a smile, Amy went off down the highstreet. I was left, standing in the middle of the pavement, by myself. Maybe the night out would do me good, but I didn't feel like enjoying myself - I felt I should , for some reason, be miserable - I kept thinking it was wrong of me to feel happy around the time of Nicky's death. I shrugged, and continued to walk. I was heading to the cemetry - I hadn't visited Nicky since the previous day, and it would be getting dark soon. The walk took about 5 minutes, and before I knew it, I was there.I made my way over to his grave-side, and sat down. A warm feeling came over me, and I smiled."Hi Nicky." My voice was quiet. "Well, not been up to much today - just lazing around really. I bet you're saying 'nothing changed then!' Amy's convinced me to go out tonight - well, not convinced, more like pressured! That's just like Amy though - her heart's in the right place."I sat and stared at the grave stone, following the celtic pattern that was engraved around it's outer edge."I love you Nicky." I whispered. I wondered if he could hear me. I hoped he could. How I longed to hear his voice again - just once more. I knew I never would though, and a depressing feeling swept over me. The roses I had placed there yesterday were still there - their deep red colouring brightening the grave-side up. I reached out, and touched his stone - it was rough, and cold. This was probably due to it being such a cold day. A bitter chill was in the air - I could feel it. I smiled. I had the urge to smile as soon as my fingers touched his stone - maybe it was Nicky's way of telling me he's alright, that better things were on the way. I hoped so.I would often sit at his grave-side, imagining conversations we would have if he could talk. I sat there, at his grave, for about an hour, thinking. Thinking of the times we shared, and imagining what things would be like now, if he was still alive. Would we be living together? Where would we be working? So many questions, questions I knew would never be answered.I didn't feel like crying though - not today. I knew Nicky was watching over me, and that feeling comforted me. His spirit was with me - I knew it in my heart. Maybe this was a sign - a sign of things finally beginning to heal. Chapter 6 - Out "So, what will it be?"Amy looked at me."Ummm- a coke for just now please.""Okay, one coke coming up - I'll just go and get them." She went off to the pub bar, to order. I knew she'd be there for quite some time, as the queue was very long.I didn't really feel like being in the pub, but I couldn't leave - not now. Amy had looked forward to tonight, and I knew she wanted to try and cheer me up. I still felt sad though - well, more guilty than sad. Why should I be out having fun when Nicky isn't. He can't have fun. I sighed, and waited for Amy to return.She did 10 minutes later."There you go."She placed my coke infront of me, along with her pint of beer. "Thanks ams.""Oh cheer up - you've got such a long face on - smile!""Easy for you to say." I looked around, everyone was laughing, and joking, which made me feel even more depressed. As I looked around, my eyes went to the bar."Oh, I don't believe it - Amy, it's him.""Him? Oh - HIM! Where?"She turned around, looking."There, at the bar - the blonde one. He's got that browny coloured leather jacket on, and jeans.""That's him, the one from the cemetary? He's gorgeous!""Trust you! No, it's definately him.""Well, go over then, say thank you. He might want to join us - go and ask him!""No, I couldn't. He's probably here with his girlfriend anyway, or mates.""So, you'll never know...." "Look - just leave it Amy. I'm not after him because I fancy him, unlike you! He was just so nice to me - I'd like to thank him." "I know - look Charlotte, he's going to sit down."I stopped looking. "Amy, stop looking - he'll think we're mad." "No he won't. Look - he's sitting by himself Charlotte - go over.""No. He's probably forgotten about me anyway. Stop looking!" I took a sip of coke."Charlotte - he's seen you.""Amy, turn around and drink your drink - please!" She turned around, reluctantly."He is nice though - if you do ever speak again, introduce him to me." "Amy ....""Okay Charlotte - sorry.""It's okay.""So, go to the cemetary?" "Yeah, earlier - just for a while, you know, to make sure everything was ok."She nodded, drinking her beer. "Charlotte - he keeps looking over you know.""Probably at you amy - wondering why you hve a fascination with him!" "Ha ha, very funny. No, seriously, I think he's recognised you.""Well, if he has, he can come over can't he." "Charlotte....he must have heard you, because he's coming over!""What?" "You heard - he's walking this way. Remember to introduce me."Amy then sat back, attempting to look natural, failing miserably. I looked around, and saw him. He smiled - his smile reminded me so much of Nicky's - the way he smiled. I returned his smile, as he reached our table."Hi, just saw you and your friend - thought I'd come over and say hello. Mind if I join you?"His voice was soft. "No, not at all." I could see Amy occasionally glancing at him over the rim of her pint glass. "So, feeling better?""Yes, thanks. I'm sorry - I never introduced myself the other day - I'm Charlotte." "Hi Charlotte - my name is Michael, but my friends call me Mike. I'm sorry I had to dissappear so quickly the other day - It's just I was on my lunch break, and was running late - the boss wouldn't be happy!" "It's okay - I just wanted t thank you for what you said - you made me see things differently, and really helped." "Glad to hear it."Amy gave a loud cough at that moment, hinting for her introduction which I'd completely forgotten about. "Oh sorry Mike - this is my friend Amy. Amy, this is Mike - I met him at the cemetry last week."Amy smiled."Pleased to meet you Amy.""Same goes for you Mike."I took another sip of coke - "So, Mike, where do you work then?""Oh, I've just moved here. I work for the local garage - I'm a mechanic mainly, sometimes covering at the shop." "Oh right - explains why we haven't seen you. Where were you from originally?""I moved here from Stafford-shire." I nodded - "I've been there - quite nice." The night progressed, and time passed quickly. Amy and I found out a lot about Mike - he had was an only child, 19 years old, single, rented a house over the other side of town, a flat, his parent's lived back in Stafford-shire, he had a love for animals, and football, and a great sense of humour. At the same time, he found out all about us. The conversation just flowed all night. We never ran out of things to talk about, Amy especially. I could tell she quite fancied Mike, and so could he I think. Mike seemed nice - nicer than I had first thought. He was very easy to talk to, open, and never afraid to say his opinion on matters. I liked that. Eventually, it came to closing time. Mike and I walked Amy to her house, and then he walked me home. My house was 15 minutes from Amy's and along the way to Mike's flat.Mike and I talked. We talked about everything - our lives, careers....everything. Eventually we reached my house."Do you want to come in for a cup of tea?""Thanks anyway, but I'd better not - got an early start in the morning.""Oh, okay then. Well, maybe see you soon." "Well, how are you fixed for tomorrow?"Mike looked at me. His eyes were blue....a deep blue."Tomorrow?""Yeah - I thought maybe we could meet up on my lunch break? I'm normally bored silly, and well....""Well...."I was a bit unsure of what to say. "Look Charlotte - I know what you're thinking, and it's not like that. I know you're still getting over your boyfriend. The only reason I thought we could meet up to chat - I like talking to you - yu're a really nice person, and have a great sense of humour. That's all - honestly. We could get some fish and chips or something - my treat!"He looked at me gain, hopefully."Okay - fisk and chips your treat?""Yep - that's what I said.""Settled then.""Cool - pop round at 1pm, to the garage - I'll be ready." "Okay, I will.""Sorted then! Good night Charlotte - see you tomorrow.""Yeah, you too." I watched as Mike walked off down the road - something about him, reminded me so much of Nicky. Maybe it was wrong of me to be constantly comparing them both - I couldn't help it though - the similarity of them. Or maybe it was just my mind, hoping they were. I didn't know. He seemed nice enough - as a friend. I clearly wasn't ready for anything else at this time, or for a long time - I couldn't betray Nicky like that.Mike knew that too, and seemed genuine enough.I just hoped I wasn't making the wrong decision. Still, in a way I was looking forward to tomorrow lunch-time. We seemed to get on well, have a lot in common. I hoped we would become good friends - and had a feeling we would. |