| ~I love you, goodbye.~ Wish I could be the one The one who could give you love The kind of love you really need Wish I could say to you That I'll always stay with you But baby that's not me You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do Shane's head was filled with thoughts as he drove back from the doctor's. How the hell was he going to tell the other lads? And how was he gonna tell Nicky? He sighed and clutched the wheel. There was no way he could tell Nicky this news subtly; he had really no choice but to tell him straight up. But how was he going to do that? How do you tell the one you love that you've only got less than a month left to live? How? "There's no way." Shane said to himself. He saw the house up ahead, and smiled as he turned up the driveway. It was a dream come true; living with his four best friends, one of them his boyfriend and having success with their band worldwide. Shane got out of the car and walked to the door, the papers from the doctor in his hand. He got out his keys and was about to unlock the door when it opened, and Nicky smiled at him. "I thought I heard a car. How was the doctor's?" he asked and kissed his cheek. Shane smiled and looked at him. Suddenly he remembered the night they had kissed for the first time. Shane had taken Nicky out to dinner, with the intention to tell him how he felt about him. And Nicky was going to say the same. They had both been gay for as long as they could remember, but neither knew about the other being gay until that night. "What you smiling about?" Nicky asked, and Shane laughed. "Our first date. Remember that?" he said as they walked into the living room where Bryan and Mark was playing a video game. "Yeah, vividly!" Nicky said, and they both laughed. Bryan glanced up at them from the TV and smiled. "Don't even wanna know!" he said, and laughed. "Shut up Bryan!" Nicky said, throwing a nearby pillow at him making him lose control over the video game, causing Mark to win. He jumped up from the floor where he'd been sitting, and ran around the living room cheering. "Yesss! I won! You lose!" he said triumphantly. Shane shook his head, and walked up the stairs into his room. He still had to figure out how to tell Nicky that his boyfriend had a brain tumour, and less than a month to live. And Shane wanted Nicky to know first, before he told the other lads. Oh I could say that I'll be all you need But that would be a lie I know I'd only hurt you I know I'd only make you cry I'm not the one you're needing I love you, goodbye I hope someday you can Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you I don't really wanna go But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be Who'll give you something better Than the love you'll find with me "He deserves someone other than me, someone who can love him 'til the end of his days, someone who'll live to be 80." he thought, lying on his back in his bed. Shane turned his head and looked at the picture of him and Nicky on his nightstand. He reached out and took it. "I wish I could stay with you forever, but I can't. Maybe it's just better if we break up. That would be easier for you, and I'd know that you had someone else to love you," he said to the picture. Nicky stood in his door, looking at him. "Why?" he asked, and Shane turned to where he was standing. He sat up, and knew that he'd have to tell him now. That was the only fair thing to do. "Nicky, come here. I've got something to tell you. Could you close the door please?" he asked. Nicky closed the door, and went over to the bed and sat down next to Shane. "What is it you have to tell me? It sounded serious." he said, taking his hands. "Yeah, it is Nicky." Shane looked at him, and drew a deep breath. "I'm not sure how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it. I was at the doctor's today, and he had news for me. Bad news." Nicky looked at him, his face was serious. "I feel like I can't make you hold on to me anymore after I've said what I have to say Nicky, so I feel that breaking up with you now is the best thing to do." Shane said, his eyes sad. "What? Breaking up with me?" Nicky said. "Nicky, please. Let me finish, okay?" Shane looked at him, and he nodded. "Thanks. That's the kindest thing to do, and you're probably better off without me. You need someone who can promise you a lifetime, I can't do that. Nicky, the doctor told me I have a brain tumour." Shane looked up, and Nicky just looked back at him with tears in his eyes. "And I have less than a month to live." Nicky's grip on his hands got tighter, and now he was crying. "I know that this isn't the best of time to tell you, but maybe breaking up is the best thing to do right now." Now Shane was crying too, he didn't want to do this but he couldn't think of anything better to do. Nicky let go of his hands, and put his arms around him instead. "No." he said. Oh I could say that I'll be all you need But that would be a crime I know I'd only hurt you I know I'd only make you cry I'm not the one you're needing I love you, goodbye Shane raised his head and looked into Nicky's eyes. "What? But Nicky, isn't it just better if we end it now?" he asked. "No." Nicky answered determined. "I'm not letting go of you until I really have to. I'm going to be there for you, now more than ever. Don't you remember what I told you on our first year anniversary? I'm in this forever, Shane. I mean it, I'm in it forever." he said, tears running down his cheeks mixing with Shane's tears. "I need some time to myself before I tell the others." Shane said, getting up. "Promise me you won't tell them? I have to do it by myself. I just need some time to think first." He dried his tears with the back of his hand. Nicky sat on the bed, looking at him. He nodded, and got up. "I won't tell, promise. Just be back soon." he said, and kissed him. Shane grabbed his car keys and headed for the door, just as he walked out he turned and smiled at him. "Don't do anything you'll regret, Shay." Nicky said to himself, and walked out to join the other lads in the living room. Shane drove out to the piers, and found a bench. He sat down and looked out over the ocean, drawing deep breaths of the sea air. The papers from the doctor lay beside him on the bench, and he took them out of the big brown envelope they were in, and read them. In his mind the lines of a song kept repeating themselves as he read. Leaving someone when you love someone Is the hardest thing to do When you love someone as much as I love you Oh, I don't wanna leave you Baby it tears me up inside But I'll never be the one you're needing I love you, goodbye Baby it's never gonna work out I love you, goodbye. "Dammit!" Shane said, getting up from the bench. He stood by the railing, leaning heavily on it. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about Nicky, his mum and his family, and the lads. His mind was made up. There was no use discussing it anymore. He practically ran back to the car, and couldn't get back to the house fast enough. As he drove a smile grew on his face, and he was blinking back tears. 15 minutes later he stopped the car in front of the house, and got out. The lads were off somewhere in the house, but he found Nicky in the kitchen. "Shane!" he said, smiling at him. "I have to talk to you, Nicky. Upstairs, now." he said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along up the stairs. When they got into Shane's room he closed the door and they sat down at the foot of the bed. Nicky looked at him; surprised and confused. "When I was down on the piers, I was thinking. But I couldn't think clearly, you know?" Shane started, and looked at him. "Yeah," Nicky nodded. "Well, I couldn't think clearly because I kept hearing the lines in a song in my head, and they kept on turning and turning until I finally realised it." Shane got up from the bed and smiled, and Nicky was so relieved to see him smiling. "Realised what, babe?" he asked. "The lines that kept on going in my head was these; 'Leaving someone when you love someone, is the hardest thing to do. When you love someone as much as I love you.'" Shane sang, and as he did so he didn't take his eyes off Nicky. "I realised that I love you too much to leave you, and I'm sorry about earlier," he said, standing in front of him. Nicky grabbed his sweater, and pulled him down. "I love you too." he said and kissed him. "And I truly meant what I said earlier too, Shane. I'm in it forever." Nicky's blue eyes looked deep into Shane's hazel-green. "In it forever," Shane repeated and kissed him again. "I love you, goodbye" - Celine Dion. |