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He sat in the waiting room, praying that she was all right. It seemed
like hours passed by when, finally, a doctor came out to him. "How is she? Is everything ok? Please, can I go see her?" Nicky asked, standing up. "Yes, you can go in. But I'm terribly sorry to inform you Mr. Byrne, that your child died 30 minutes after the birth. We tried our best, but it just wasn't enough. I'm so sorry," the doctor said, putting one hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you. Now can I go see her? And does she know?" he asked, his
voice trembling. "Yes, she knows. Again, Mr. Byrne, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Mrs. Byrne is waiting for you." Nicky nodded, and tears ran from his eyes as he walked into her room.
She looked up when he came in, her eyes were shiny and red, and her
cheeks tearstained. She looked so fragile lying there in the hospital bed. "Nicky," she said through her tears. He went over and sat by her side, her hand in his. "Gillian, I'm so sorry. I can't believe it," he whispered, and started crying again. "Me neither, our little girl. Gone." she sobbed, as he held her in his arms. Wanting to wipe out their loss, their sorrow and grief, but he couldn't. "I love you Gillian, and I'll always be here with you. For better or for worse," he whispered in her ear, he couldn't think of anything else to say to her. But that was all she needed to hear.
The pain and sorrow of losing a child could never really be wiped out. It was a part of them, of who they were, and it would stay there inside them all their lives. A little piece inside them, forever.
Gillian had been devastated and Nicky too. Over the past two years since their daughter died it had been very hard for both of them, but eventually they had learned to live with their sorrow. Still, every time Gillian saw a little child playing, she remembered with teary eyes how she had fantasised and dreamed about playing with their daughter.She sat by the kitchen window, holding a cup of coffee in her hands. As she drank the last sip of her coffee, she decided she had to get out. She needed some fresh air. "Nicky, I'm going to the park. I need some air," she said, and he nodded. "Ok honey. I love you," he said and kissed her. "I love you too," she smiled and walked out.
The cold winter air stroked her cheeks with its icy fingers. The park was almost empty except for herself and a couple playing with their child. She smiled to the little girl and all her sorrow crept out of its deep, dark hiding places inside her again. She took her eyes off the little girl and her parents, and looked another way. Her eyes rested on a single rose, still clinging on to its branch. The cold had left little ice crystals on the roses frozen white petals.Gillian looked at it and realised that she felt like the cold, dying rose. Inside, she felt like she was slowly dying. She felt that she didn't have much to live for after Jessica, that was the name they had chosen for their daughter, had died. She had wanted a child so much, and during her pregnancy she'd taken very good care of herself. Nothing was going to happen to her child, she'd thought. But then came the birth; the doctors had quickly understood that something wasn't right when the little child's breathing had almost ceased. The umbilical cord had somehow got around the child's neck, and was strangling her. The doctors had got her out quickly, and she was unconscious when she was born. They had managed to make her breathe again, and Gillian had thought that everything was fine again. But then Jessica's heart stopped, and no matter how hard the doctors tried to revive her, it was no use. Only thirty minutes old, their precious baby girl had died. And everything inside Gillian had been brutally shredded to pieces. As she walked around in the park, she wondered what she could have done to prevent it from happening.
Gillian walked around the park for hours, and it was getting close to 10pm as she walked to the stairs that led out of the park. Ever since she came to the park she'd fought the tears, but as she slowly walked up the stairs, they won the fight and ran silently down her cold cheeks. She lifted her head and saw Nicky standing at the top of the stairs. He held his arms out to her as she reached the top. For a moment she just stood looking at him, then she threw herself into his waiting arms, crying. Nicky held her close without speaking. They stood in each other's embrace in silence.As they walked to the car, he whispered to her; "I was so worried, Gillian. Don't ever leave again." He opened the car door for her. "Thank you," she said, and he walked around and got in on the driver's side. "And I won't. I just had to say goodbye, had to let her go." she said, and looked at him. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I thought I didn't have anything left to live for when we lost her, but now I know I have a lot to live for. I have you, Nicky." she said, and wiped a tear from her eye. "And you always will too, Gillian. I'm never leaving, I love you." he said, and took her hand in his.
Three years had passed by since Jessica had died, and Nicky hadn't heard his wife sing in all that time. But now he could hear her in the living room, singing happily along to the song they played on the radio. He smiled to himself, and walked out to the living room. Gillian was sitting in front of the bookshelves, looking through some photo albums while she sang. "Catchy tune," Nicky said, and she turned. She was smiling at him, and her whole face seemed to glow. Nicky was amazed to see her like that, it was a glow that had been turned off for three years, but now it was back. And it was so becoming on her; he caught himself remembering all the reasons why he loved her so much. That smile on her lips, and that glow was just two of the many.
"Yes, it is," she said, and he sat down next to her. "What have you found?" he asked, and looked at the photo album she sat holding in her lap. "See for yourself!" she laughed, and showed his a picture of them on their wedding day. Nicky laughed, and looked at her. "You're even more beautiful now," he said, and kissed her. "Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life." Gillian smiled, and looked at him. "What is it? I can tell you've got something to say. Come on, Gillian! Tell me!" Nicky pleaded. "All right, all right! I'll tell you. I have a feeling that this day will be the second happiest day in your life." she said, and looked at him with glittering eyes. "Nicky, I'm pregnant." His jaw dropped, and he looked at her with big eyes. "What? Are you sure?" he asked, and she nodded. "Wow! This is� this is� great! Oh, I'm so happy!!" Nicky kissed her, and neither of them could stop smiling. He took her hands and helped her up. "Oh Gillian! I'm so happy, this is the best news I've got in a long time!" he lifted her up, and hugged her. "I know. Me too, I couldn't believe my ears when the doctor told
me that I was pregnant this morning!" she said, and laughed as he swirled her around. He put her down, and opened the door to the veranda. "Yes! I'm gonna be a father!" he shouted out, and Gillian laughed at him. "Nicky, stop it! The neighbours might complain!" she said, and tugged his shirt like a little child. "That's great! Congratulations, I'm really happy for ya!" someone shouted back at them, and they saw one of the neighbours standing at his letterbox. "Thank you!" Nicky shouted back, and the man waved as he walked in. They looked at each other and laughed.
Nine months later, they sat watching the TV when Gillian suddenly gasped for air. "Gillian? Are you okay, what happened?" Nicky looked at her, alarmed. She looked back at him, and then she smiled when she understood what just happened. "My water just broke," she said, and his face turned from alarmed to a big smile. "Do you need an ambulance, darling?" he asked, and helped her up from the sofa. Gillian kissed his cheek, and shook her head. "No, you just go get the car, and I'll be fine." she said, and sent him off to get the car. She got into the bedroom and found the bag she'd packed in advance in case anything happened. "Gillian, sweetheart!" Nicky said, hurrying over to her and taking the bag from her hand. "You're not supposed to lift heavy things, let me take this." She smiled at him, and he smiled at her as he slipped his arm around her waist and helped her out to the car. "Thank you, Nicky." He ran around to the other side, and got in. "You all right? Do you need anything? Anything at all?" he asked, and stroked her stomach. Gillian shook her head and laughed. "I'm fine. Oh Nicky, my angel. What would I do without you?" He laughed, and pulled out from their driveway. Nicky sat in the waiting room, praying that she was all right. Just like he had three and a half years ago. But this time, Nicky could feel it was different. The doctor smiled as she approached him. "Mr. Byrne, congratulations. Your wife and your children are all fine. The birth was completely without complications, and you can go see them now." she said, and smiled at him. "Thank you so much doctor! I'm so grateful, thank you." he said, shaking her hand. She smiled at him, and could see how happy he was. Nicky looked from the doctor to the door; then he started walking towards the door. Then he froze in his steps, "Children?" he turned back to the doctor. "Eh, excuse me, but did you say children?" he asked, and she nodded. "Yes, Mrs. Byrne gave birth to two beautiful children. Twins; a boy and a girl." she explained. Nicky was ecstatic; he didn't know what to do. "That's amazing, thank you!" he smiled, and hurried into the room where Gillian was lying in the hospital bed, two beautiful children resting in her arms. To Nicky this picture was so right, she was made to be a mother and she was made for him. Tears welled up in his eyes as an incredible wave of love and affection washed over him; he couldn't believe how beautiful she was lying there, she looked like an angel. Gillian raised her head and saw him standing there. "Nicky," she said, and he walked over to them. "God Gillian, they're so beautiful." he said, and tears of happiness rolled from his eyes. He bent down and kissed her forehead. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you too, sweetheart." she said, and their little boy reached his arms out to his father. "Go on, hold him." Gillian said, and Nicky carefully picked up the little boy and rocked him in his arms. She looked at them, and saw how right everything was. He was the perfect father, so kind, caring and full of love. An incredible wave of love and affection washed over her, and she realised how much he meant to her and how much she truly loved him. The years went so fast, they all flew by and the twins, Jack and Joyce grew up so quickly. Their parents loved them more than anything else in the whole world, and they, as all other parents, thought that their two children grew far to fast for them. "I can't believe how grown up they are, it seems like only yesterday I sat in the hospital waiting room." Nicky said, and put his arms around his wife as they stood watching their children playing in the garden. "Yes, aren't they?" Gillian said, and turned to face him. She looked into his eyes, and was amazed to see how his blue eyes sparkled. Just like they had when she'd told him that she was pregnant. She smiled and drew her breath. "What is it, honey?" he asked. "Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about when I told you I was pregnant. After we'd lost Jessica." she said, and Nicky could see a streak of sorrow and pain when she said her name. He lifted his hand and gently stroked her cheek, and then he kissed her forehead. "I remember. We've come far, haven't we?" he said, and hesitated a bit before he continued. "And I'm sure Jessica's with us, watching over us and Jack and Joyce." Gillian looked up at him, and he saw how the streak in her eyes slowly faded. She smiled, and nodded. "Yes, you're probably right." she said, and looked up at him. "I love you, Nicky." Nicky hugged her, and remembered something he'd told her that day when Jessica had died. "I love you, Gillian, I always will. And I'm here with you forever. For better or for worse," he whispered in her ear. A single tear ran from her eye, and she hugged him tighter. It was all she would ever need to hear. For better or for worse. The End |