1999 february 19

pretty sick girl

i was going to scan my face to have a proper illustration for this entry, but i seem to have rendered the scanner invisible to my pc.

the tylenol-3 seems to be doing what tylenol alone could not do: bring down the fever. i am all sorts of in favor of that but i am not so keen on some of the side effects it seems to be having. for one, every time i take them, or the antiviral for that matter, i get sick to my stomach. secondly, i suppose it is an effect of the codeine, but i feel as though i am at the bottom of a well whenever i speak aloud. it is rather disassociative, which is fun in a way but relatively annoying in another.

i'm sure gene is sick and tired of me walking around the house chanting nonsense sentences just to hear myself. "the small black cat's a weasel, a weasel, a weasel. the small black cat's a weasel, a weasel, a weasel." he'll be glad to see me go to work today.

the fever will not stay down without the drugs, though, so i am dealing with the side effects for now. and because i have yet to take this morning's dose and am therefore at 101f and lacking in creative segue ability, we will now simply get back to the subject at hand: my general attractiveness and how i think i look better when i am sick than otherwise.

i don't know if it is the sparkle my eyes have because they are glassy with fever, the additional color in my cheeks or the slightly swollen lips i get from an overuse of kleenex, but i really do look much cuter when i feel like dying. i first noticed this a few years ago, when i was still stupid enough to work when i was deathly ill. i would go to the office, and invariably people who would otherwise ignore me would pop up with, "my, don't you look nice today!" or "did you do something to your hair? get new clothes? i don't know what it is but you look awfully good today."

i spent fifteen minutes staring at myself in the mirror yesterday, trying to see why exactly i looked different. it was fruitless introspection, although i did develop a theory about it. i think it is darwinian: when i am sick, i am weaker and more vulnerable so if i am more attractive, i am more likely to inspire protection and care rather than animosity.

of course, it could just be the fever talking.

evolving, claire