1999 january 6

epiphany

if i sing we three kings of orient are one more time this morning, gene is going to kill me.

tonight we will have a nice dinner, maybe drink the bottle of champagne we didn't drink on new year's eve, and then take down the tree. three king's day has always been the official end of the holiday season for me and my family. i like stretching it out almost to the breaking point, like having one more little ritual when most everyone else has already returned to the mundane hustle and bustle of everyday nonholiday life. this year i am thinking about adding a splash of spanish tradition and bringing home one final present to give gene as we sit for the last time watching the lights twinkle on our first tree.

and this is my epiphany, my revealing moment: that i am not only perfectly content to simply sit and look at a tree with the man i love, but that i am genuinely happy doing so. i have realized that love does not need to constantly burn like a mile high bonfire for it to suffuse me with light. this is not to say that i don't burn for the man, because lord knows i do, but more that i find the calm day to day serenity of the life we are living together more fulfilling than any tumultuous affair i have had.

before i started writing this, i slipped my feet into gene's shoes because my toes were cold. i am unreasonably happy to feel their weight on my feet.

reveling, claire