1998 december 15

the land of nod

sleep and i are still uncomfortable bedmates of late.

my real problems have mostly been with staying asleep; i have no trouble falling asleep, at least not when i first go to bed and, up until recently, i have had but two methods of waking. the first sort, the sort i like best, is when i open my eyes, acknowledge i am awake, check out the lcd to see what time it is, but know the moment i close my eyes again, i will be instantly asleep; it is annoying to wake at all, but at least it is not a permanent arrangement. the second sort is when i open my eyes and i know beyond a doubt that i am awake; i am alert, my brain is in action mode and even if i lay in the bed for the next twelve hours, i won't fall back asleep.

lately though, there has been a new twist on the waking. my eyes open, i see the clock, i close them again, smiling, confident i will fall back asleep but within a minute or so i am awake, and i do mean awake. it feels somewhat like being on a elevator that takes me from the drowsy half asleep floor to the hustling bustling awake floor.

i hate it. false advertising, that's what it is. drowsy=sleep, damnit! no one asked me if they could change the rules halfway through the life.

no matter how much i protest i finally have to admit that this cold is real, and i am sick.

i don't know why i am so surprised, i have a long history of being sick over the holidays. the picture to the left was hastily taken the christmas eve i was nine; all three of us were busy throwing up and running fevers and generally whining about our ill state of health, but dad insisted we come out just to say hello to the guests and take the obligatory family photo. all the males in the family were disgustingly healthy and refused to be in the picture for fear they might catch something; somewhere is a photo of their testosterone equivalent, the three of them in their matching ties, made from the same material as the skirts jubilee and my mother and i wore. we were a terribly coordinated family.

the first christmas i spent in australia, i was sick. i don't even remember what i was ill with, i just remember all i was able to eat for what seemed like weeks was dry toast, applesauce and some little white pills. it was not a good holiday season; i was already feeling put upon because summer vacation and christmas vacation were one and the same, there was no snow, all my friends were on the other side of the world and on top of it all, i was stuck inside, in bed, doing jigsaw puzzle after jigsaw puzzle.

i still hate jigsaw puzzles.

still, i refuse to give in and let the sickness last until christmas. i am drinking orange juice and echinacea tea and water and more water and more water still. i am going to bed early, dressing warmly and eating like a real girl; that means no chex party mix for dinner which is a real shame as i just made a huge batch on sunday. i may even resort to nyquil, but that's only if things get really desperate. nyquil scares me.

off to take the elevator down to the dream cellar, claire