1998 december 02

red nosed

like millions of people the country over, i watched rudolph the red nosed reindeer on monday night.

did any one else miss fame and fortune or were you just happy to hear the long version of the misfits song? i actually thought it rather brilliant to restore the original but i have to admit i would have been happiest if they had played fame and fortune at the end as a bit of a bonus; i can never get enough rudolph. i also think the elf song was somewhat longer than in the past; was there always an instrumental section or was that restored as well? drop me a line if you know just exactly how this version differed from the one i watched in previous years, i am terribly curious.

so watching the red nosed reindeer made me a happy girl while at the same time it has made me a bit melancholy. you might think i'd be chock-o-block full of christmas spirit knowing i will have gene to celebrate with this year but rather perversely, having him close has made me want my whole family close. it's that whole all or nothing curse that follows me around.

my family, while extremely close emotionally, is about as farflung across the globe as a family can be. my nearest relative, jubilee, lives more than 2000 miles away and it just gets worse after that. gaheris on the opposite coast, philip in the middle of the pacific ocean somewhere, grandparents in europe, parents bouncing around between all of the above and australia. the phone companies just love us, as do the postal systems of most nations.

i am used to spending the holidays alone. i have my own little rituals i indulge in: chocolate advent calndars, television specials, cutting down and decorating my own tree, hanging stockings for me and the fish [yes, fishies celebrate the holidays as well], singing god rest ye merry gentlemen at the top of my lungs as i wrap presents, handmaking all my christmas cards and barely getting them out in time, baking like a wild woman [god forbid i have less than ten sorts of cookies to hand out to coworkers and friends at various functions].

this year i am sharing my rituals with gene and he is being a good sport about all of it, including my falala'ing at odd and inappropriate moments. he knows i am missing my family and is doing his damnedest to fill in for the whole lot of them. it is a tall order but he is such an angel that he just about pulls it off. he can ooh and aah at my giftwrapping triumphs with the best of them. this weekend, he is going to head for the hills with me to get our very first christmas tree. he has promised to eat his weight in christmas cookies.

for the first time in a long time, where i am at almost seems like home. if it were only filled to the rafters with all my loved ones, it would be perfect.

wondering where home for the holidays is, claire