1998 november 27

my god! i've killed him!

i know i said i most likely wouldn't update either yesterday nor today, but there you have it.

both gene and i have been suffering from minor stomach and digestive disorders this past week but i had attributed mine to stress in the workplace and the problems i am having with sleep. gene has been keeping an odd schedule as well and we have been eating at strange hours; that just upsets all sorts of systems.

last night, after dinner and football, gene went to take a little nap and i plunked down in front of the telly to watch jumanji [i do so love those red monkeys, evil little buggers they are]. suddenly i was blindsided by the most incredibly painful stomach/intestinal cramps i have ever had the misfortune to experience. i thought i would die; i would have preferred to die. i seriously thought about sticking a long needle into my gut to puncture it and release whatever was fermenting in there.

with judicious belching and administration of over the counter remedies, i calmed things down to the point where i could go to sleep and sleep i did, for about nine hours, on and off. what blessed relief, i haven't had sleep like that in months.

this morning i bounded out to the living room, full of vim and vigour, sex and candy, fish and chips, to find gene curled up in the recliner, buried underneath a pile of blankets.

i don't feel so hot, babe. my stomach is not a very happy camper.

poor darling, how long have you been up? when did this start?

all night. i woke up when you came to bed and haven't been asleep since. it's got to be the flu right? i mean, it can't be anything i ate, can it?

let me make this perfectly clear: i did not cook most of the dinner. gene's parents held their annual feast and were responsible for most of the food, including all the usual food poisoning culprits. i, however, made the pumpkin pies and gene had eaten three slices.

i know it was me. i somehow managed to do something wrong and the pies are lethal. i am almost afraid to creep through the rest of the house putting ear to door listening for the moans and groans of those suffering from stomach ailments.

his parents are going to hate me. i've killed their son. if i'm lucky maybe i've managed to kill the whole household and i can creep out under the cover of after thanksgiving shopping frenzies and make my getaway.

contemplating life as a food poisoning felon, claire