THE JEFF’S 34 COUNTDOWN
#1
– "Piano Man" by Billy Joel:
Calling this song a countdown classic would be an
understatement. This is the ultimate classic by which all other
songs are measured. This is its third
consecutive year at #1, and its 10th year overall at #1. From Jeff’s 24 to Jeff’s 34 it has ruled the
roost, with the exception of Jeff’s 31 when it slipped to #2 behind “Best Of
Times” by
#2
– "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback: Inching up one spot into the #2 hole
is Nickelback with “How You Remind Me,” a song which is quickly turning into a
countdown classic. After its debut at #22
in Jeff’s 31, this song vaulted to #6, and then to #3, before assuming its spot
this year as my second favorite song. I
dedicate it to my daughter Allison, who continually reminds me of me. Leaves typically do not fall very far from
the tree, and this one sure hasn’t. Her
penchant for getting into trouble, her need to win at everything she does, her
perfectionism, and her colorful imagination are all traits she has received
from me. Fortunately though, she has her
mom’s good looks.
#3
– "Blurry" by Puddle Of Mudd: This song continues its assault on the
countdown by moving up another 3 spots this year into the #3 position. This after debuting at #8 in Jeff’s 32 and
moving up to #6 last year. I dedicate
this one to the late Ray Charles who suffered from blurry vision as a child,
and later lost his sight completely.
That didn’t stop him from making some great music along the way, and
winning eight Grammy’s at last Weekend’s Grammy Award Ceremony. Now that I’ve given Ray his props, I have to
slam the institution a bit for giving him all those awards. Do you mean to tell me he didn’t make some
great music previously during his life?
Is it mere coincidence that he won all these awards posthumously? I don’t think so. It a shame that it took his own death to get
some appreciation from the music industry.
One or two awards would have been justified, but eight, let’s get
real. This was the biggest travesty
since Jethro Tull beat out Metallica for best heavy metal artist.
#4
– "Original Prankster" by The Offspring: Over the years I have dedicated this
song, now in its 5th year in the countdown, to pranksters such as
Neil Frank and Jim Sullivan. While those
two are certainly pranksters, they can hardly argue originality. The one to whom this song is dedicated this
year may not be the original prankster either, but he can certainly lay claim
to being more original than either of the two aforementioned pranksters. This year, I dedicate the song to the late
Johnny Carson, who passed away several weeks ago after a long and successful
career in the comedic profession.
#5
– "Rhythm Divine" by Enrique Iglesias: After bulleting up the countdown,
#6
– "Best Of Times" by
#7
– "Don’t Tell Me" by Madonna:
In its fourth year in the countdown, “Don’t Tell Me” by Madonna
continues to be a consistent upward mover.
After debuting in Jeff’s 31 at #19, it has moved to #15 and #9 in subsequent
years. This year it moves up another two
spots to lucky #7. This song now takes
its place in Jeff’s Countdown history as the second most successful song by a
female artist ever. Second only to
Shania Twain’s “From This Moment.”
Madonna will have to wait another year to see if she can pass Shania’s
#6 position in Jeff’s 31, for highest ever countdown position for a female
artist. I dedicate this song to NHL
Commissioner, Gary Bettman. Unless there
is a miracle 11th hour compromise, Commissioner Bettman will soon be
telling us all there will be no NHL season this year. I must admit that up to this point I cared
little about the possibility of losing hockey this year. But now with football season being over, and
little excitement with my favorite baseball teams (Phillies & White Sox), I
have to express some discontent with the NHL.
So, Mr. Bettman, please don’t tell me the season is over. But, if it is, go Phantoms…
#8
– "Bright Lights" by Matchbox Twenty: This entry is the fourth consecutive
song in this countdown in which the artist’s name includes a numeral. Now that’s an interesting tidbit! After debuting at #10 last year, “Bright
Lights” ascends two spots to its current #8 position. I dedicate this song to fellow associate Mike
Thorpe. Mike is the shop cell champion
in my work area, and is a guy who wears his bright lights on his head. He never fails to crack me up when he puts on
his high beams. Mike has helped me out
enormously on many occasions, both at work and outside of work. When Jim Sullivan indirectly caused me to get
into an accident with my truck, Mike heroically restored the damage done to my
truck’s front end. Thank you Mike, and
don’t forget to dim those high beams when approaching another vehicle.
#9
– "Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5: Vaulting up the countdown seven spaces
is another Maroon 5 song from their major label debut album, “Songs About
Mary.” This is the second song in the
countdown by Maroon 5. The other “This
Love” debuted at #32 earlier. “Harder To
Breathe” is now in its second countdown year.
I dedicate this one to the late Reggie White, the star defensive end for
the Philadelphia Eagles and Green Bay Packers.
Reggie battled sleep apnea, and found it harder and harder to breathe
before finally succumbing to cardiac arrest.
Reggie will be missed by football fans like me, and by those many people
he helped from all walks of life.
#10
– "Inside Out" by Eve 6:
We breech the Top 10 with this former #2 song from Eve 6. Two years ago it stood on the precipice of
greatness at #2. After slipping to #7 last year, it declines another three
spots to #10 this year. I dedicate this
song to Baltimore Ravens running back Jamal Lewis. On the field, Lewis is known for bouncing his
runs from the inside out and matriculating the ball downfield. Off the field he is a convicted drug dealer
who is now serving out his sentence on the inside hoping to get out.
#11
– "When I’m Gone" by 3 Doors Down: This song is the leap of the year, as
it moves up 8 spaces from its #19 debut position last year. Once again, I dedicate this song to all the
#12
– "Plush" by Stone
#13
– "Drift & Die" by Puddle Of Mudd: Taking another small step up the
countdown is Puddle Of Mudd with “Drift & Die.” After debuting in Jeff’s 32 at #17, this song
drifted up three spots to #14 last year, before taking another single step up
the countdown this year. This song is
dedicated to the victims of the recent Indian Ocean Tsunami. The big wave came in and many of the victims
were washed out to sea where they drifted around for a while before finally
dying. All levity aside, this was a
terrible tragedy. The thoughts and
prayers of the Jeff’s Countdown are with all of the survivors, hoping they can
move on and rebuild their coastal souroundings.
#14
– "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats: This countdown staple appears for the
14th consecutive year. It is
now one of only three songs to appear in each and every Jeff’s Countdown. This one-hit wonder has made the Top 15 every
year, and spent 7 of its 14 years in the Top 10. In a season without hockey, I dedicate this
song to Craig MacTavish, who was the last of the men without hats in the game
of hockey. MacTavish, who perhaps is
just as famous for ripping the tongue out of Calgary Flames mascot Harvey the
Hound’s mouth, was the last NHL player to not wear a helmet. Some thought MacTavish did not take safety
seriously. Those of us in the know are
aware of the real reason he chose not to wear a helmet. He had no fear because he did the Safety
Dance before each game to appease the hockey gods and ask for their protection.
#15
– "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne: Avril makes her second appearance in
this year’s countdown, but with this
song, she slips 7 spots from last year’s #8 position. “Complicated” slides outside of the Top 10 for
the first time in its three years in the countdown. I dedicate this song to the highly
complicated process known as the Bowl Championship Series, more commonly
referred to as the BCS, more appropriately referred as BS. The BCS is the NCAA’s process for determining
the Division IA National College Football Champion. It is a complicated mess which has no place
for determining a champion. What about
USC two seasons ago? What about
#16
– "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind: In its 8th consecutive year
in the countdown, “Semi-Charmed Life” drops three spots into its lowest ever
countdown position. After debuting at
#11 in Jeff’s 27, this song weaved its way up the countdown until it reached #5
in Jeff’s 31. Lately it has faded into
the middle of the countdown. I dedicate
this one to Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston.
We were led to believe through the many re-airings of the television
show, The Fabulous Life of Brad and Jen,
that they led a charmed life. However,
their recent separation proves that their life in only semi-charmed. They are still both obsessively rich, but now
they are obsessively rich and alone.
This is just another example of how things are not always as they
appear. Good luck Brad and Jen going on
your separate, semi-charmed, ways.
#17
– "Meant To Live" by Switchfoot: This song, the highest debut song in
this year’s countdown, makes countdown history by being the first ever song
dedicated to an insect. Yes, I dedicate
this song, #17 in the countdown, to the 17-year cicada. This past year, in
#18
– "Don’t Turn Off The Lights" by Enrique
Iglesias: After debuting at
#20 last year, this song moves up two spots.
I dedicate this one to my daughter Courtney. She has reached the “terrible twos” and is
now tall enough to reach most of the light switches in our house. She seems to take much pleasure in constantly
turning lights on and off. It is quite
annoying, especially when she sneaks into the bathroom and turns off the light
on me in there. In the dark, my aim just
really isn’t that good. So Courtney,
don’t turn off the lights!
#19 – "Loser" by Beck: This song makes its 11th
consecutive Jeff’s Countdown appearance, but at #19, it slips one spot into its
lowest ever countdown position.
Traditionally, I have dedicated this song to the Superbowl losing
quarterback. But this year, with the
Superbowl being played later in the year than typical, and this song being
ranked lower than in the past, I have to find another loser who warrants a
dedication. Additionally, no matter who
loses in
#20
– "Fall To Pieces" by Velvet Revolver: The melding together of former members from
Guns ‘N Roses and Stone Temple Pilots, both veterans of the Jeff’s Countdown,
has resulted in Velvet Revolver and this debut song. This one is dedicated to Jim Sullivan, whose
Uno game has fallen to pieces over the past several weeks. I know Sully blames me for his horrible play
of late, but truth be told, it is his own fault. His demise was rooted in his own malicious
vociferousness. Last fall Jim began to
complain about poor play on my part.
There was no doubt I was going through a bit of a slump, but Sullivan’s
criticisms were not constructive by any means, and they grew in both
destructiveness and maliciousness. I
finally reached my breaking point, and made the decision to stop working with
Sullivan as a teammate. At the time, the
majority of the Dark Side Alliance sided with Sully. That left me on my own for a while before
finally aligning with fellow islander, Norman Clough. After achieving modest success with
#21
– "Jump" by Van Halen: Last year, “Jump” was relegated to the #21
position as punishment to Van Halen for not putting out any new music in such a
long time. That after a long countdown
history filled with Top 5’s including 3 years at #2. I pled with Eddie Van Halen to re-enlist
either David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar, and begin making new music again. Well, during the past year, Van Halen did
reunite with Sammy for a tour. So I
acknowledge them for that by not moving them any further down the countdown. However, their feeble attempt to produce a
new album was quite lame so they did not move any further up the countdown
either. They did produce an album, but
it contained only a couple of new songs along with their greatest hits. I have every previously released song in my
CD collection already, so I could not justify purchasing another greatest hits
compilation, even if it did contain a few new songs. So Van Halen remains in the #21 position for
yet another year, as I await a full length CD filled with new music. Come on Eddie, get the boys into Studio 5150
and make some more great music. Since
this song reminds me of the original Jeff’s 21 Countdown, the one that started
it all with this song in the #21 position, I have decided to dedicate it to
John M. Harrison, III, who was my co-collaborator for Jeff’s 21, and whose idea
it was to begin the countdown in the first place. For those of you who enjoy reading these
dedications and following along in the countdown each year, and for those who
attended the Jeff’s Countdown parties of old, you have John to thank. John came up with the idea of creating a
countdown to be played at my 21st birthday party, back in 1992. That was my best birthday party ever, and the
idea has continued up until this very day, even if the format has changed a
bit. Unfortunately I’ve lost touch with
John over the past several years, so I cannot thank him personally. But I’m sure John is somewhere doing
something he enjoys. He is probably
cruising the supermarkets for Weis Chicks.
Who knows, maybe he’s even upgraded to Superfresh Chicks?
#22
– "When It’s Over" by Sugar Ray: Mark McGrath and Company move up one spot from
last year with “When It’s Over.” Now in
its fourth year in the countdown, this song has slowly but steadily moved up
each year after debuting at #31 in Jeff’s 31.
I dedicate this song to Blair Rogers.
It was a few years ago when Blair passed away. This song was in heavy rotation on the radio
at that time, and when I hear it, I always remember that sad time. So this is my yearly reminder that even
though Blair was only with us a short time, I will never forget that time.
#23 – "Waiting For You" by Seal: In its second year in the countdown, Seal’s “Waiting For You” moves up four spots from last year’s debut at #27. I dedicate this song to T.O., Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver, Terrell Owens. I have three different layers of dedication for this song. First of all, on behalf of all Eagles fans, we have been waiting for a player like T.O. to take the Eagles to the next level after three consecutive years of losses in the NFC Championship game. Even though Owens was injured for the first two playoff games, the Eagles still managed to win the NFC, and we all know he played a significant role in that accomplishment even with his late season injury. Second of all, since the injury occurred, we have all been waiting for T.O.’s return to the field. Of course we are all hopeful it will be in this year’s Superbowl. And finally, since my fantasy football team, the Cecil County Bayfoxes, decided to drop the injured Owens in order to make a Johnson Cup playoff push, I will be waiting till I can once again pick up T.O. and include him on my roster. Since other teams in the league own Owens, two of my bitter rivals, the Bear Buffenuff and the Plymouth Meeting Emus, I will not be able to pick up Owens until those teams drop him. And that may be a long time. So, Terrell, I will be waiting for you.
#24
– "Push" by Matchbox Twenty: This song continues to “push” its way back up
the countdown. It is now in its 8th
consecutive year in the countdown. After
peaking at #11 in Jeff’s 28, it dropped to a low at #29 in Jeff’s 32. It now appears to be moving back in the
positive direction, pushing itself to #25 last year, and now to #24. I dedicate this song to Scott Peterson. Peterson was recently convicted of murdering
his pregnant wife, Laci, and then “pushing” her from his boat into the
#25
– "Peace Frog" by The Doors: Making its 7th countdown appearance
in the last 8 years is The Doors’ “Peace Frog.”
This song was a staple in the rotation at most of the college parties I
attended while at
#26
– "Who are You" by The Who: In this songs 4th year in the
countdown, its drops down 11 spaces from last year’s #15 position, making it
the countdown plunge of the year. Perhaps
the plunge represents the fact that the television show for which this song is
the theme song, CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation, is no longer my favorite show. It still ranks up there with Lost and Law & Order, but is probably now third on that list. In the past I’ve dedicated this song to a CSI cast member. But with haven taken such a plunge this year,
I realize that this could be the final year for The Who in this countdown, and
that I would be remiss to allow The Who to exit the countdown without
dedicating a song to the late Who drummer, Keith Moon. In 1978 Keith Moon died from an overdose of
prescription drugs taken to control his alcoholism. Perhaps he would have been better off taking
a shot of Jim Beam instead. Whatever the
case, this one’s for you Keith.
#27
– "I Don’t Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw:
With this the 27th
entry in the countdown, I reflect back upon my 27th year of
life. It was a tough year for me, a year
that included the loss of my father. I dedicate
this song to him, Claude Rogers, a man who never wanted to be anything more
than he was; a good man and a good father.
And like him, I too do not want to be anything more than a good father,
a good husband, a good friend, and a good teammate. I already know I’m good at predicting the
outcome of professional football games, as evidenced by my prediction of a
Steelers loss yesterday. Hopefully, I’m
making strides in those other categories as well. For Gavin DeGraw, he takes a tremendous
stride, from a relative unknown new artist, to reaching #1 in VH1’s weekly
countdown last week, to #27 in Jeff’s 34 countdown this week. Congratulations, Gavin.
#28
– "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty: This song creeps up just one spot from last
year, when it debuted in the Jeff’s 33 Countdown at #29. I dedicate this song to Minnesota Vikings
wide receiver Randy Moss. It was two
weeks ago today that Moss gave all Packers fans a simulated mooning. Was he crazy for that action and all of his
many antics? No, he’s not crazy; he’s
just a little unwell. Fortunately for
those disgusted by his actions, like Joe Buck, the Eagles were able to keep
Moss out of the end zone last week, holding all simulated events in check, and
giving great relief to those at Fox and ESPN who didn’t have to fret over
whether or not to air the replay.
#29
– "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne: From her sophomore album “Under My Skin,”
Avril Lavigne checks into the Jeff’s 34 Countdown with “My Happy Ending,”
another debut song in this year’s countdown.
I dedicate this song to the owners of the NHL. After another two days of negotiations with
the NHL Players Union this week, the owners still have not reached an agreement
which will allow hockey to be played this season. So much for a happy ending to this
dispute. As a Canadian, and an avid fan
of hockey, there is perhaps no better ambassador to speak about this situation
than Avril. All this time the owners
have been pretending that they can enforce their version of a salary cap
without using replacement players.
Gentlemen, it is not going to happen.
Most interested parties suggest that hockey needs a salary cap similar
to the one in place in the highly popular NFL.
What the NHL owners fail to realize is that it took using replacement
players in the early 1990’s for the NFL to get to where they are now. Once replacement players are brought in, the
players will realize how serious the owners are and will begin to cross the
picket line one by one until the union is broken. Who can forget the feud between Tom Landry
and Buddy Ryan when the Cowboys ran up the score against the Eagles scabs by
using their regular players? That was
just a necessary evil to get to a greater good.
Until the owners get serious and hire replacement players, there will be
no happy ending.
#30
– "Yeah!" by Usher featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris: Usher makes his Jeff’s Countdown debut by
clocking in at #30 this year with this ode to Fast Eddie Rules Uno. That’s right; the true spin of Ludacris’ lyric,
“take that and rewind it back,” is that it is an exultation of the virtues of
the Reverse card in Uno. Through the
context of his words, it is evident that Ludacris knows the inherent value of
the Reverse when he is playing Uno with Ush, Lil John, and all of his
homeys. It is from this perspective
that I dedicate this song to Tom “Loose Cannon” Xu. Tom is a recent recruit into my “Dark Side”
Uno Alliance. He earned his nickname,
“Loose Cannon”, through his wonton usage of the “important” cards such as the
Draw Four, the Draw Two, the Wild, the ‘0’ Go Fish Card, and of course, perhaps
the most strategically important card of them all, the Reverse. Tom’s Uno contribution has risen over the
past several weeks however, as the tutelage from Josh and me finally seems to
have taken affect. Good luck going
forward Tom, and remember: Play your
cards wisely – You never know when you may be one premature play of a zero away
from being traded to the Guidos. Also
noteworthy of this song, is that it was a late inclusion into the
countdown. Yes, Usher backed his way
in. This position was originally
reserved for Ashlee Simpson and her song “Pieces of Me.” However, Ashlee was dropped from the
countdown at the last minute after receiving her third strike from the Jeff’s
Countdown Selection Committee (that would be me). Strike one was simply the fact that she is
Jessica’s sister. I was originally going
to use that relationship as a slap in the face to Jessica. It would give me no greater pleasure than to
include Ashlee at Jessica’s expense. Why
do I dislike Jessica so much? Well I
guess it is in part due to a Catch 22 of sorts.
She is married to Nick Lachey and I dislike him because he gets a girl
like Jessica. So therefore since I
dislike Nick I dislike Jessica. Strike
two was her ill-fated attempt at lip syncing during her Saturday Night Live performance.
She blamed her feeble attempt at lip sync on being sick, then she blamed
her band, and then she blamed the Saturday
Night crew. I’m surprised she didn’t
blame it on the rain. Strike three was
her horrendous performance during the Orange Bowl Halftime Show. So Ashlee is now indefinitely suspended from
the Jeff’s Countdown, until she goes before the Jeff’s Countdown Review Board
(that again would be me) to determine her eligibility for the Jeff’s 35
Countdown. I guess my dislike now
permeates through to all of the Simpson’s:
Jessica, Ashlee, and OJ. All
except of course Erika, who, as the only female member of the Dark Side
Alliance, is my Uno soul sister.
#31
– "Crazy" by Seal: For the second consecutive year, Seal’s
“Crazy” checks in at #31. This marks the
sixth consecutive year for this song in the countdown. I dedicate this song to the late P.L.O.
leader Yasser Arafat. One could argue
that Arafat was the craziest leader we have ever seen during my lifetime. From winning the Nobel Prize for Peace in
1994, to his many ordered suicide bombings in
#32
– "This Love" by Maroon 5: Inclusion of this their second song in the
Jeff’s Countdown caps a fine year for new artist Maroon 5. Last year their first hit, “Harder to
Breathe,” debuted at #16. Now, “This
Love,” becomes their second song to enter the countdown. Will “Harder to Breathe” return to this
year’s countdown? Stay Tuned. For now, let me dedicate “This Love” to
Evangeline Lilly, co-star of my new favorite television show, Lost.
Evangeline who portrays Kate, a bad girl turned good, but still possibly
bad, shares an uncanny resemblance to the girl who plays Maroon 5 lead singer
Adam Levine’s love interest in the music video for this song. Lost
is quite possibly the most addicting show on television since
#33
– "
#34
– "Let’s Get it Started" by The Black
Eyed Peas: Could there be a
more appropriate song to “start” a Jeff’s Countdown? Black Eyed Peas fan or not, you have to admit
you probably found yourself singing the line “and runnin’, runnin’, and
runnin’, runnin’…” at some point last summer.
This is the first ever appearance for the Peas in the Jeff’s
Countdown. I dedicate this song to the
recently re-elected President of the