JEFF’S 33
#1 – "Piano Man” by Billy Joel: For the 9th time in 13 Jeff’s Countdown’s, Billy Joel occupies the top spot with this classic. My admiration for this song just never seems to fade. Like me, this song was born in the early 70’s. And like me it just gets better and better with age. I dedicate this song to my friend Ed McDonald. Ed is a huge fan of Billy Joel and turned me into one too when I met him in college. Since then, I’ve attended three Billy Joel concerts, and made him the only artist to appear in the Jeff’s Countdown with 5 different songs. This year, Piano Man is the only one to make the countdown, but of course, it makes it in a big way. Congratulations Billy! How about some new music now?
Thanks to all of you who have tuned into the Jeff’s 33 Countdown day after
day. It was my pleasure to describe to
you this outstanding compilation of music and give you a glimpse into the 33
years which have made up the life of Jeff.
The Jeff’s Countdown now goes on a 332-day break (the damn leap year
means we have to wait an additional day).
Be sure to tune back in next year when Jeff’s 34 begins
on
#2
– "Rhythm Divine” by Enrique Iglesias: With his second entry
in this countdown, Enrique enjoys the elite status of
the number 2 position. After debuting in
Jeff’s 30 at #19, this song has gradually worked its way up the countdown, and
is now knocking at the door of #1. Since
Enrique sings many of his songs in Spanish, I dedicate this one to Senorita
Skorup, my high school Spanish teacher.
It was thanks to Miss Skorup that I was able to communicate, to some
extent at least, on my recent trip to
#3
– "How You Remind Me” by Nickelback: This song continues its
quick ascent up the countdown ranks.
After debuting at #22 in Jeff’s 31, it climbed 16 spots to #6 last
year. This year it moves up another 3
slots. I dedicate to my daughter Allison. Every day she does more and more to remind me
of me, especially when she misbehaves and talks back to her parents.
#4
– "Original Prankster” by Offspring: The Offspring move up
one spot from last year’s #5 position. I dedicate this one to the most original
prankster I know, Jim Sullivan. Rather
than expound on Jim’s pranks, I’ll simply list the Top Ten Pranks to which Jim
has been linked. So here goes:
10. Bob Stearrett silicone imbedded badge
9. Lori Whelan personalized pen set
8. Bob Stearrett volleyball meltdown jar
(this one included only to divert attention from the actual perpetrator)
7. The Dean Gambale – John Zufelt feud
6. Mike Hawley sleeping bag sleeping
arrangements
5. John Zufelt credit card caper
4. The Jeff Rogers Flush Me Award
3. Operation Rain Drop
2. John Zufelt snow globe
1. Bob Stearrett bubble-head badge in
the vending machine
#5
– "Best Of Times” by
#6
– "Blurry” by Puddle of Mudd: We celebrate Valentine’s Day
by dedicating this song to Larry Clifton.
All members of the Dark Side Uno alliance are currently celebrating
Larry’s status as Valentine’s Day Nappy 2004.
His loss on the 13th keeps alive his streak of being
Valentine’s Day Nappy in even numbered years.
The song is fitting since in the past Larry has been known to “blurry”
the lines when making his Super Bowl box pool.
Last year he made an 11 x 10 box rather than the standard 10 x 10. The mistake wasn’t uncovered until all the
boxes were sold, and one row was left without a number. But let’s not be too hard on Larry. As far as we know he’s never been bitten by a
pit bull, never been involved in a near fatal road rage incident, never stolen
Bob Wisor’s jogging shorts, never asked one of his peers if she were relate to
Kennedy for Sheriff, never parked his vehicle in a parking spot you could only
get out of in reverse when reverse wasn’t working in his car, never left his
lunch in the laboratory for 2 months, never broke his leg doing the long jump
in a team building exercise, never took more than his fare share of meatballs
at a fundraising lunch, never dropped his calculator on a co-worker’s breast, and,
as far as we know, he never dropped his pager in a toilet bowl. If I made dedications for these and all the
other “blurry” foul ups on the part of my co-workers, the countdown would have
to be several hundred songs long.
#7 – "Inside Out” by Eve 6: The window of opportunity for Eve 6 to gain the top spot in the Jeff’s Countdown appears to have closed, as Inside Out drops 5 spots from last year’s #2 position. They knocked at the door last year, but now they are fading on. I dedicate this song to Martha Stewart who traded stock the highly illegal way, from the inside out. She is currently on trial for committing securities fraud for selling her Imclone the stock the day before the company's price collapsed after the news that US health regulators had rejected its key drug application. Prosecutors claim Stewart sold her stock based on illegal inside information. If convicted, Martha could face up to 10 years “on the inside.”
#8
– "Complicated” by Avril Lavigne: The Canadian teenager
again makes waves in the Jeff’s Countdown by moving up one spot from last
year’s debut at number 9. I dedicate
this song to my Calculus III professor, Janusz Lysko. If Calculus isn’t complicated enough on its
own, Janusz certainly made sure he made it even more complicated for his
students. This was one guy I certainly
wished would have been locked inside the Eastern Block by the Iron
Curtain. Instead, the overweight balding
man know for wearing the t-shirt which read, “Minnesota: Land of 10,000 Lakes
and Three Fish,” came to the United States for the sole purpose of making life
a little more complicated for all of his students. When I was in high school, I thought I was
pretty good at Math. I got an A in
Trigonometry, then as a freshman in college I got a B in Calculus I, followed
by a C in Calculus II. The downward
trend continued as a sophomore when Janusz awarded me a D in Calculus III. Janusz, why did you have to go and make
things so complicated?
#9
– "Don’t Tell Me” by Madonna: With this entry, Madonna
breaches the top 10 in Jeff’s Countdown for the first time in her career. Don’t Tell Me moves up 6 spots in its third
consecutive countdown appearance. A
testament to the radio play this song gets.
It gets enough to keep it fresh, but not so much that I get tired of
it. I dedicate this one to my long-time
friend Lisa Rizzo. Recently Lisa sent me
an email in which she complained about getting old. Since she’s only a month older than me, I
have to tell her not to tell me that, or else I’ll start feeling old as
well. I’d like to think I’m still young,
but at least I’m a living proof that if you can only be young once, you can
still be immature your whole life.
#10
– "Bright Lights” by Matchbox Twenty: Matchbox Twenty makes
their third Jeff’s 33 appearance with this debut
song. I dedicate it to my friend Jeff
Gonet who will soon be leaving the relative darkness of
#11
– "Plush” by Stone
#12
– "The Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats: This classic joins
Jump, It’s The End Of The World As We Know It, and a remaining song yet to be
unveiled, as one of four songs to be included in all 13 Jeff’s
Countdown’s. I dedicate this song to my
friend Stacey Adams. Dedicating this
song to her unfortunately indicates that there is no Stacey’s Mom in the
countdown. Because if that song were
included, I’d have to dedicate it to her.
Stacey’s Mom, by Fountains of Wayne, is worthy of a mention, but is only
good enough to join the ranks of countdown “flavas”. The Safety Dance however, continues to make
countdown history. Its historic run
includes 4 years in the top five, 7 years in the top ten, and all 13 years in
the top 15. I dedicate this song to
Stacey to show her that I harbor no animosity toward her for her decision to
join the Guido Uno alliance, rather than my Dark Side alliance. Well, maybe there is some animosity, but it
only exists on weekdays between the hours of
#13
– "Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind: This song makes
its 7th consecutive countdown appearance, falling one spot from its
#12 position last year. I dedicate this
one to Jessica Simpson. On her TV
special she seems to live a charmed life, but as we all know she’s lacking a
bit in the intelligence category, so therefore she can be described only as
living a “semi-charmed” kind of life. I
give her marriage no more than 1 ½ more years until Nick gets tired of the act
and moves on to the next airhead.
#14
– "Drift & Die” by Puddle Of Mudd: I’ve been waiting 5
days to come to a song I could dedicate to Janet Jackson, and now the moment
has finally arrived. So here goes… At the
Superbowl halftime show when your breast was extricated from your bustier, it
was allowed to “drift” around in the open air for the entire world to see. And now, since that event, your career, at
least in the short term, appears to have “died.” You’ve been asked not to appear at the
Grammy’s, and your cohort’s NSync sidekick, JC, has now been dropped from the
Pro Bowl halftime show. All thanks the
“the breast seen ‘round the world.”
Janet’s lude behavior aside, this is a pretty good song. Last year it helped Puddle Of Mudd set a
Jeff’s Countdown record by being one of three debut songs. Now we know that at least one of those three
songs has returned for more countdown glory.
Will the others, Control and Blurry, return as well? Stay tuned…
#15
– "Who Are You” by The Who: This song makes its 3rd
countdown appearance. It drops 2 spots
from where it resided the past 2 years.
I dedicate this song to the lovely Jorga Fox,
star of the hit television show, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, the show for
which this entry is the theme song. The
fact that this song has waned a few spots recently coincides with the loss in
status for this show as my favorite.
Replacing CSI as my favorite television show this past year is Law &
Order (see entry #27). Blood and guts
will only take you so far I guess.
#16
– "Harder To Breathe” by Maroon 5:
Maroon 5 makes their first ever appearance in the Jeff’s Countdown, with the
first single from their debut CD “Songs About Jane.” I dedicate this song to Zebulon Pike. It must have gotten harder to breathe as
Zebulon made his way to the
- It is largely believed that Zebulon Pike nnever set foot on
- Zebulon Pike did not name
- Zebulon Pike was the father-in-law of Pressident William Henry Harrison.
Now that our history lesson is complete.
Let’s return to the countdown…
#17
– "From This Moment” by Shania Twain: Shania is in grave
danger of spending her final moments in the Jeff’s Countdown. From This Moment joins Closing Time as the
plunge of the year. Both songs plunge 10
spots from last year’s countdown. For
Shania, this marks the second straight year her song has lost ground. The freefall can be directly attributed to
her being caught lip-syncing at the Superbowl halftime show a few years ago. So
enjoy your time in the countdown, Shania, it may be short-lived. I dedicate this song to my loving wife
Cindy. Please don’t think that because
this song has dipped in the countdown, my love for you has dipped. It hasn’t.
I will still love you, from this moment on.
#18
– "Loser” by Beck: It is now ten straight years for this
song in the countdown, and traditionally this song has been dedicated to the
losing quarterback in the Superbowl.
Even though Jake “daylight come and I wanna” Delhomme had a pretty good
game, I cannot break from tradition. So
this one is dedicated to you Jake. Where
were you the first 25 minutes of the game?
You are a Superbowl loser.
#19
– "When I’m Gone” by 3 Doors Down: This tribute to our
troops abroad is a Jeff’s Countdown debut.
I also dedicate it to our troops who fought in Operation Iraqi Freedom,
and to those are currently stationed in the
#20
– "Don’t Turn Off The Lights” by Enrique Iglesis: The top 20 kicks off with this song
from Enrique Iglesis.
“Don’t Turn Off The Lights,” moves up 7 spots
from its debut spot at #27 last year. I
dedicate this song to Christine Biscotti, partially because I know she is a fan
of Enrique. I’d also like to show my
appreciation to her for allowing me to join her winter volleyball team this
year. I’ve had a lot of fun competing with
“Six Pack.” We haven’t put together a
lot of wins this season, but it has been fun nonetheless. It has been a much better playing
competitively this winter than recreationally which I had been doing in
previous winters. So thank you
Christine. I look forward to you playing
with the Appleton South A Team this summer!
#21
– "Jump” by Van Halen: By dropping this song to #21 in the
countdown, I express my disappointment with the band for not contributing any
good new music in such a long time.
“Jump” has been a countdown classic, reaching the #2 spot in three
separate countdowns. But this year it
falls to its lowest spot since it debuted at #21 in the first ever countdown,
Jeff’s 21. The Van Halen boys have no
excuse for their recent departure from the music scene. Eddie, if your hip hurts, suck it up and be a
man. You don’t need a hip to play a
guitar. Get over your feud with Dave and
Sammy, and get one of them back in the band.
Start making good music again, before my allegiance to you wanes to the
point you are no longer included in the countdown. Now that that is off my chest, let me
dedicate this song to Joe Bieniek, a.k.a. King of the Bungalow. The Bungalow is a playground in
#22
– "Where Are You Going?” by The Dave Matthews
Band: Last year this song debuted at #25 and I dedicated it to my
daughter Courtney. At the time she still
could not crawl, yet she still managed to get about by doing something that can
only be described as a “belly slide,” thus begging the question, Courtney,
where are you going? Well, now she’s
walking, and she still seems to have no sense of where she might be going. I’ve never seen a kid who wanders around so
aimlessly. So once again I dedicate it
to Courtney. Child, where are you going?
#23
– "When It’s Over” by Sugar Ray:
It’s not yet over for “When It’s Over.”
In fact, this song continues to gain momentum as it moves up one more
spot from last year’s countdown where it ascending to #24 after debuting at #31
in Jeff’s 31. Like last year, I once
again dedicate this song to Blair, who I will always love and never
forget. Something else I’ll never forget
is the 2000-01
#24
– "Closing Time” by Semisonic: This song continues its
plunge down the countdown ranks as it drops 10 spots from #14 last year. In November of 1998 this song was the last
song played at my wedding reception. The
following February it kicked off Jeff’s 28 at #28. It has made every countdown since then,
peaking at #10 in Jeff’s 31. I dedicate
this song to my former neighbor and fellow associate John Long. John and his wife Dawn recently sold their
home, and now, at the end of January, it’s “closing time” for them. I will miss them as neighbors, especially for
all the lawn care equipment I borrow from them.
Since the deal for their new home fell through, John, Dawn, their three
kids, and their dog are now moving into their trailer/camper. They will be dwelling there at least until
summer when they expect to build a new home.
Life in the trailer is sure to lead them to an appearance on The Jerry Springer Show soon. As a “trailer warming” gift, I think I’ll
give them a sign that reads, “When this trailer is a rockin’, don’t come a
knockin.” Good luck John &
Dawn. If you need a place to store any
of your lawn care equipment, my garage is available.
#25
– "Push” by Matchbox Twenty: After losing momentum and
dropping to #29 last year, “Push” rebounds this year moving up 4 spots into the
#25 position in its 7th straight countdown appearance. It debuted at #14 in Jeff’s 27 and reached
its highest countdown position at #11 the following year. Since then it has hovered in the 20’s. This song seems to make it back every year in
part to the dedications that go with it.
I dedicated this song every year to a notorious spouse beater or child
molester. People who like to push other
people around. Mike Tyson, Ray Lewis,
and even Tawny Kitaen have been past recipients of the dedication. This year the dedication goes out to none
other than Michael Jackson. It seems the
King of Poop has once again been accused of pushing and bad touching his child
guests at the Neverland Ranch. This time
I don’t think he’s going to get away with it.
#26
– "Peace Frog” by The Doors: Perhaps the most obscure song
in this countdown, “Peace Frog” makes its 6th appearance this
year. It peaked in Jeff’s 28 at #22, a
year after its debut at #24 in Jeff’s 27.
After taking a year off, it returned in Jeff’s 30 at #29. After a second consecutive year at #29, it
rose to #26 last year. This year, it
stays put in the same spot. Once again,
I dedicate this song to the late Jim Earlis.
Jim was a friend and roommate in college who was tragically killed in an
automobile accident several years ago.
If you’ve never heard this song before, give it a listen. I think you’ll like it. It’s included on The Doors CD “Morrison
Hotel.”
#27
– "Waiting For You” by Seal:
Inclusion of this latest release from Seal puts him in rare company. Billy Joel now stands as the only artist with
more appearances in the Jeff’s Countdown than Seal. Prior appearances include “Crazy,” which of
course which has already been revealed at #31 in this countdown, along with
“Kiss From A Rose” which made a four-year run in countdown’s 25 through 28, and
“Human Beings” which made a one-time appearance at #26 in Jeff’s 28. I dedicate this song to Angie Harmon who
plays Assistant District Attorney Abby Carmichael in the syndicated version of
the popular television show, “Law & Order.”
TNT is using this song in its advertisements for the show. I really admire Abby for her relentless
pursuit for justice in the show. I also
admire the long silky smooth legs she shows off in those short skirts she wears
in the courtroom. But I digress, since
my wife reads these entries I best not go too far. In the current installments, Abby has been
replaced by Serena Sutherland, not a bad replacement mind you, but I still miss
seeing Angie in the new shows. Thank
goodness for syndication.
#28
– "It’s The End Of The World As We Know It And
I Feel Fine” by R.E.M.: Just like the flu, this song makes an
appearance at about this time every year.
It is now one of only four songs to appear in every Jeff’s
Countdown. Its highest position ever in
the countdown was at #12 in Jeff’s 23.
This year marks its lowest ever position, as it drops 7 spots from #21
last year to #28 this year. One reason
this song makes the countdown every year is because there is a limitless supply
of people to whom this song can be dedicated.
This year the choice is Arnold Schwarzenegger, the new governor of the
State of
#29
– "Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty: And the nominees are: Davy Jones, Don Drysdale, Vincent Price, Joe
Namath, John Glenn.
And the award for best cameo appearance on The Brady Bunch goes to… Joe
Namath. Was he crazy to make a guest
appearance on The Brady Bunch? No, just
a little unwell. Was he crazy to predict
his Jets would win Super Bowl III? No,
just a little unwell. Was he crazy to
don nylons in a pantyhose commercial?
No, just a little unwell. And was
he crazy to tell Suzy Kolber he wanted to kiss her during a nationally
televised sideline report on Sunday Night Football? No, he once again was just a little
unwell. Or perhaps he was downright
inebriated. Whatever the case, I
dedicate song #29 in Jeff’s 33 Countdown to one Joe “Willie” Namath. You’d have to be feeling a bit unwell after
getting shot down on national television while trying to get a chick into
bed. Better luck next time Joe
Willie. Good luck in rehab. As far as the song goes, this is the third
song from Matchbox Twenty to appear in the Jeff’s Countdown, a debut song this
year. It joins “
#30
– "Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard:
Despite being one of my favorite all-time bands, Def Leppard makes its first
ever appearance in the Jeff’s Countdown.
Inclusion of this song at #30 in the countdown commemorates the 15th
anniversary of the 1988-89 Pennridge boys basketball team. One of the few highlights of that 4-20 season
was our 50-49, victory over Christopher Dock Mennonite High School on February
18, 1989, one day prior to my 18th birthday. In that game I scored a career high 30 points
as the Rams took revenge on Jeremy Ehst and Christopher Dock. Jeremy was a former Pennridge player who
defected to the private school following his freshman year at Pennridge. He did so thinking Christopher Dock was a
better basketball school than Pennridge.
Well, we proved him wrong that night, and showed him just how good we
might have been had he chosen to stay and play with us. (We might have won 5 games…) Anyway, following the game we went to Jon
“Snatch” Thatcher’s house and partied.
Jon’s brother-in-law had an in-house recording studio and allowed us to
videotape our rendition of “Pour Some Sugar On Me”. I’ll never forget Chris West on drums with
the head phones on and one arm tucked under his shirt, imitating Def Leppard’s
one-armed drummer Rick Allen. What I
wouldn’t give to find a copy of that videotape if it still exists! Anyway, the Leppard classic is positioned at
#30 in honor of the 30 points I scored that night. And if you don’t think 30 points is all that
much to brag about, consider this: My 30
points was 60% of my teams score (30/50).
When Wilt Chamberlain set the NBA scoring record by scoring 100, that
was only 59% of his team’s total score (100/169).
#31
– "Crazy” by Seal: This song makes its fifth consecutive
appearance in the countdown. Since
debuting at #23 in the Jeff’s 29 Countdown, it has steadily slid backwards into
its current #31 spot, one lower than last year.
I dedicate this song to John Hinckley, Jr., the crazy idiot who shot
President Reagan back in 1981.
#32
– "Are You Happy Now” by Michelle Branch:
Young singer / songwriter Michelle Branch finally hits the big time with a
debut in the Jeff’s Countdown. The
Grammys she won a few years back look nice on her shelf I’m sure, but now she
can finally rest peacefully at night knowing she has finally made the big time
with a spot in Jeff’s Countdown. This
song is dedicated to Rush Limbaugh. Are
you happy now that the “overrated” Donovan McNabb had a poor showing in the NFC
Title Game? Are you happy now that
you’ve overcome your addiction to Oxymoron?
Or is it Oxyphedron? Enough about
that bowling ball head Limbaugh; let’s get back to Michelle Branch. On her recent CD “Hotel Paper”, Michelle
admits in the title song that she “writes mostly on hotel paper.” Well, Michelle, I sympathize with you,
because on my recent trip to
#33
– "Someday" by Nickelback: Finally, the countdown
commences. Sorry for the delay. I was in