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| From True Self activation to past-life�s reflexes In dreams I escape the harshness of day Mainly spent wondering - what is my way? Missing symbols in darkness, symbols in light The courage of Chester fades in the twilight Lost is the drive to follow my values The well of my motivation appears to be shallow Daydreams consume me seeking superiority From a shallow past perspective of who I could be. December 25, 1999 - Alien alliterations Waiting wantonly, wringing wristed ways Silently sending sinister stares skyward Trimming time tempting travails timidly Eventually escaping erratic egotistic entertainment Mindlessly munching menacing mouthful morsels Ceaselessly chewing crunchy chocolate cookies Amusingly abandoning awkward advances amiably Quietly quelling queer questions quarreled quantumly Frantically feeling fevered family fears fecundantly Being bored basically; breaking braces backwards During dueling dwindling desperate depressed decisions Putting perceptions picked partly premature pleasantly Veering vacuous views, vexed vortexes veiling visions vast Reality recanting rare refreshments, randomly rescuing rodents Nearing neatly nailed ninja nightgowns, never new Gentleman greatly gorged generating gaseous gasps October or November, 1995 - Ramblings We are the disc jockey of our life Our thoughts and words are our programming When we awake to that fact We are more careful of our thoughts and words Beyond idle conversation Are the telltale words and thoughts About the nature and the state of SELF Emotions, attitudes, opinions, character and communication style I am my audience - first To empower myself to deal with LIFE Others become my audience only to the extent That the dig the beat I�m sending out What do you send out? Is it intentional or not? DO YOU NOT SENSE YOUR POWER HERE? To cut through idle conversation, to really affect a person�s life To cut through idle self-talk and deeply affect your own life The kingdom of God lies within �. Do you ever go there - within ? Past the news, sports and weather Past the rumor mill at the coffee machine or water cooler Past the bus stop banter Past the checkout line chatter The kingdom of God lies within �. do you usually dismiss it? Are you really happy with all parts of your life? Do your words empower others - or do your words only act to fortify ego? Can you move beyond the child state with its need to oppose authority? Can you move to the adult-authority state and groom independence in others? Grooming independence to not need you! To be better than you To have the power to vanquish you But the respect Not to Can you become so esteemed in your adult role To not need the adoration of others - especially children? Especially children entrusted to your care - of your blood - Children who have the potential to be anything they want in life � Which is the same potential that we had and have If it was not completely exterminated by our own esteemed starved parents Whose lust for control of our life was due to their life being so squelched. We stand at a crossroads To become aware and live fully To look at ourselves as the key to our quality of life Or to blame our lives on others - Parents, politicians, police That is the easy road - for it goes down It requires no effort on our part but to leisurely stroll It invites us - calls to us - it beckons to our passions It tells us that we are right and our anger is justified It allows our anger to be acted out on others For we are right - we think But the downhill road - the easy road Leads to a pit Where other angry people await They await a newcomer to act out their anger upon For having been deceived into taking the �easy� road Are you walking towards them? Can you stop on your journey and hear their cries? Can you see them in your life - going down that easy road? Blaming others for their troubles - taking their anger out on whomever they please Do you want to be like them? Really? You are headed their way, unless � Unless you take the time to listen to your words Unless you take the time to look at your acts Could not your large steps downhill Be short steps uphill? Could you not choose the road that goes up? Standing at that crossroad that we earlier went down, Let us now go up To take responsibility for our life - for where we are now Gone is the desire to blame others - they do not control us! Only we control us - really Taking responsibility for our lives is tough There is much to sort through And we may not make it Especially as men With all our courage We are asked to go into our feelings Where our logic loses its foothold Our precious logic that was our survival mechanism for so long Must now be lain aside It cannot function fully in the realm of feelings And its weight will only impede our movement Through the waters of our emotions We go into our self - our feeling self But we cannot feel �I feel fine,� we say �My lake is a puddle!� we jest Then wait; just wait, please. Comes a voice - we know not where from �Wait? Fuck you, I�m leaving.� Ah, was there some feeling arising? Does our puddle not have some depth to explore? Why do we not like being told what to do? To explore our anger, let us go back in time � How old were we when we could make our decisions? Were our parents nurturing our judgment or critical of it? Were we allowed to be human, to make mistakes, and to learn from them? Do we have a good relationship with out parents? Have we gotten over the anger towards them? When we do get over it, we can heal it But the way out is through First we must go into it Journal it, visualize it, remember the scenes � Remember the anger, the rage, the hurt, the pain � Feel it and release it --- without hurting others Now how do you feel? Are your cheeks moist? Yes? That�s great, man! You�re moving through those waters of emotion Had your father, uncle, brother or friends ever told you that men do not cry? Did they say, �real men� with emphasis on the word �real�? Cause real men do what they choose, not being influenced by lesser men Without access to feelings, openly, any man is a lesser man When you are hurting and about to touch sorrow and shed tears You are vulnerable if a sensitive man was absent from your life Then you have lost contact with part of your self The part of you that feels pain and is sensitive to the pain of others Copyright (C) CJC All Rights Reserved. |
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