I read a poem once about learning life's lessons, and often over the years I've thought of it. This summer, I've thought of it a lot. It seems to be the theme of the past few months for me. Thanks to the wonder of the Internet, I've been able to locate this poem for you to read. ~You Learn~ After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn... That even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong And you really do have worth... And you learn and learn... With every good-bye you learn. --Veronica A. Shoffstall I guess I'll share a little of what this poem means to me and how it has helped me over the summer. It's been a rough few months for me. Somehow, I lost myself in my never-ending search for happiness. I thought someone else's presence in my life defined who I was. When that presence suddenly disappeared, I didn't know who I was anymore. Every rule I had been living by seemed to shatter and life started to feel meaningless and empty for me. The only way I could see myself was in relation to this other person who had left my life. So, without them, I questioned whether or not there was a life for me anymore. I thought about that a lot, and quite seriously for a time. I couldn't imagine what joys or possibilities life could ever hold for me again. I was in a darker part of myself than I think I ever have been, and I was scared and alone. After a long time being depressed and lonely, I started to think of some of the things mentioned in this poem, and I started to listen to the people who loved me. I started to find the old me, the one who knew that I do have worth just because I am me. I came to understand that sometimes things don't last forever, but in spite of that, I CAN go on, and I CAN give to myself the things I thought I needed from someone else. I realized that to ever be happy again, I needed to find my own way out of this blackness. Nobody could do it for me. I'm not "all better" yet. I still have days when the tears flow freely, when I still hurt to the very core of my being. But I also have a lot of days now when I smile and laugh. When just a picture of my niece or nephews can make my heart sing. I guess you can say I've had a summer of learning. I've learned that I am me before anything else. I have worth and am deserving of love. I've learned that I have a tendency to catastrophize and that I can fall into a pit of loneliness faster than I can blink an eye. I've learned that in the worst possible scenario, I can survive and come out even better than I started. I've learned that real friends are always there, always love you, and always want the best for you. I've learned that life is just worth living. No matter what. --Cindy |
| Lessons Learned.... |