"The Mask"
The mask that I am wearing
It makes me look so glad
But only I know way down deep
The feeling that I have

I like to act so happy
Even though I'm feeling mad
I may seem really perky
But I could be really sad

It doesn't matter what you say
Or even what you do
What my real feelings are
No one has a clue

Maybe if I start to talk
Or write a little more
The mask will disappear
And my thoughts will start to soar
--Author Unknown
I'm sorry...
I scream at you because you love me...
Because your love reminds me that there has always been
someone else in my life...someone important...who didn't love me...
I tell you I hate you because I love you...
Because you are everything that I have always wanted to be
but could never quite become...
I have no patience for you because you have infinite patience for me...
Because I know you are a safe place to vent and rage...a refuge...
from the intolerance and disapproval of the world...
I push you away because you hold me so tightly...
Because your arms are always there waiting to embrace me...
the scared child who has gone so very long without a loving touch...
It seems I storm against the very things to which I am attracted...
To the things that drew me to you in the first place...
My heart cries out for you to ignore my screams...my harsh words...my impatience and my pushing...
But you're not a wall...I'm not screaming into thin air...you hear and feel it all...
and I am sorry...Unable to contain my emotions...crazed and exhausted with myself...
I give to you all I have left...the best part of me...memories...

--August 2, 2000
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Secrets
I held a secret close to my heart
My fingers clasped it tight
I'd always tried to do my part
To keep our secret from the light
But one day my fingers loosened
Our secret showed its face
I cried a river as I tried to return it to its place
But someone was there to see it
Someone saw the way
That I'd kept our secret to myself
Until this very day
And now it's not OUR secret
The blame lies where it should
And your secret won't be safe with me
Like you always thought it would
I gave up years of living just to keep you close to me
Now I give up years of shame so I can finally be free
I give you back your threatening words
I give you back the fear
So now at night those evil whispers
Won't be mine to hear
The secret is now YOURS to keep
And hide I'm sure you will
But remember that I'm out here
And YOUR secret I know still
--August 24, 2001
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