June 1993 is the month I became an only child with the death of my younger sister, three days before her 50th birthday. On the day of her 50th birthday June 3, I became a widow. My husband of 32 years, Bill died of cancer just as my family was attending my sister's funeral, 1000 miles away. In March, my mother died. She was my only surviving parent. Now I was an orphan, too.

Bill had been sick for three months, my sister's death was totally unexpected, and my mother was in good health but never recovered from loosing her youngest child. The following year, in order to recover from grief over-load, I took a
year's leave from my teaching job. Good move. I prepared to sell my house, moved to a condo and did some grief counseling and participated in Beginning Experience.

Bill and I have 2 sons, 2 wonderful daughters-in-law and 2 grandsons. This June I retired from 24 years of teaching and bought a computer. Shortly thereafter, I found this wonderful, kind, supportive and understanding group of widows and widowers. These folks have been my salvation, and this experience has helped me over many rough and painful times in my journey.

My current search is for traveling companions as having spent 26 years in the Air Force, traveling is a way of life for me. I have just completed the 4 weeks training course to become a Hospice Volunteer and am looking forward to being active in that program. My grief is very slow to heal, my pain and loneliness never quite leaves me, my grandchildren have brought a joy to my life that I never believed that I would experience again, and I love being able to use a computer (still can't do the chat thing though). For a peek at my little guys, visit us at Nana's: http://www.cp.duluth.mn.us/~mackinaw

To all of you who share your stories, insights, love and caring and time and energy with the rest of us,Thanks, I needed that!

Love and Peace to you all. The coffee pot is always on, the guest room is always ready, and the white zin is always chilling in the ref. I have one very ill mannered cat, but she sleeps most of the time and is quite harmless. WELCOME! Barbara

Barbara Mackinaw