-It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
-If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
-I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
-I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was, "Always".
-Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
-I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!
-I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She gets mad if I interrupt her.
-If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
-Illinois... The Land of the Voting Dead.
-Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names.
-When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
-Remember, half the people in the world are below average.
-Losing a wife can be hard -- in my case it was almost impossible...
