Last year I took a Sociology course. I thought, �Hey why not, I might learn something.� In that class there were only 3 Hmong students and the rest were white. One particular day my friend Pa Kou, Xue and I were sitting together by the door. The class had a discussion about the kinds of groups here at East High. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the discussion centered on Hmong students. All of the white students looked at us and started throwing questions at us. "Do your parents speak English?" "How long have you lived here?" "Do you speak English or Hmong at home?" "Where did the Hmong come from?" They all asked in a respectful manner. For the first time in my life I felt so small. I couldn't answer any of ther questions they asked about the Hmong culture. I was dumbfounded. Instead, I asked myself those same questions in my own head. �Where did we come from?� For the first time in my life, I realized how ashamed I was of my ethnic background that I dared not even learn about it. How ignorant was I? There were even times that I denied who I really was. I was confused about it because I did not learn about it in books, magazines or TV shows. We have no Hmong history books so I thought we never existed, that we had no significant figure to look upon. How weird was that? We had no resources, our only resource was our elders and for me, that was very difficult because we had no way of communicating. I understood mostly English and they understood none. How could I educate myself then? I was stuck, frustrated. I had no where to go. So I educated my parents. I taught them basic English, how to read, write, do mathematics (although it's my weaker subject) and I taught them about scientific theories. They automatically became fascinated with it and wanted more. Now I'm proud to say that they have come a very LONG way.
I remember, in elementary school it was cool to hang out with different types of races, frankly; we didn't care about color. We just cared that we had a friend to sit next to on the bus and a friend to play with during recess. Now that I am a senior in high school I already have stern beliefs and ideas about the way life should be, and I know many students who are at that level too. One of the largest problems is our own identities. Teens spend too much time trying to be like their idols that they do not see the individual that lies within. They don�t appreciate the fact that they are unique in their own way. I realize now that people who have low self-esteem are usually the ones that are racist or have problems. Their image of themselves is so low that all they can do is look in the mirror and say, "Look at my skin color. I'm better than you are."
When I first went to that Sociology class, I had no idea what I was going to find. Now I acknowledged that I came into that class to find ME. Although I received a D+ in that class (which I thought was unfair since I only missed the Exam), I am still happy to have taken it. I might have lost a good grade, but I found a better ME.
-By Sue Lauj