A Father�s Struggle To Raise His Daughter In America
With interest in Professor Jian Guo, I enrolled in his Beginning Chinese course because I wanted to learn Chinese and about the Chinese background. Also his personality and character made me curious about his teaching skills and tactics. I felt that there was a small connection between us that could really spark up into a good relationship.
Before interviewing Jian Guo, I did not know how to start it. I was definite that it was not going to be a question and answer procedure. The interview started with some small talks, which gradually opened up to the topic of culture and ethnicity. It was easier for us to communicate in a normal conversation.
Guo had a hard time explaining his experience of growing up in the U.S. since he came here when he was 30 years old. So we talked about his struggles as a parent raising kids in the American society. Guo had some frustrations with his daughter, the only Asian student in her school, who was dealing with assimilation and cultural identity in this small white populated city of Whitewater, WI. He recognized that she was having difficulty in school with the racism. Whenever he approached her, she would deny any knowledge. Guo was well aware that his daughter was hiding these feelings from him, which made it harder for him to get her to express her feelings to him.
Whitewater is the worst city for any minority child to grow up in since the city is mostly white populated. Majority of the students in the public school have probably never seen an Asian person before. This led to many personal and inappropriate questions. Nonetheless this also leads to racial slurs. As Guo�s daughter grew up, she acknowledged the fact that she was different from the other kids. Although she may not have wanted to accept it, the reality was that there was nothing about her that she could change. Her hair, skin and ethnic identity was not the same as the other kids that she attended school with.
Guo recalls a moment when he attended his daughter�s music recital. As all the students and their parents were walking out together he could sense that his daughter did not want to be with him. Instead she had wanted to go and walk with her friends. Guo was disturbed by this moment. He felt as if his presence was an embarrassment to his daughter. Later confronting her about this incident, Guo reminded her that she was Chinese. Although she was a U.S. citizen, and living in the United States, she was still Chinese.
�You look Chinese, you speak Chinese, and you act Chinese. There is nothing you can change about that. You have to realize it.� Stated Jian Guo to his daughter.
As the conversation progressed, we talked about cultural preservation and family values. Growing up in China, Guo�s family practiced Buddhism. In America today, Guo does not force his children to believe in anything. He gives them the choice in what religions they want to practice. He feels that if he was to force his children to believe in something, it might scare them away from the family. Although Guo does not practice the religion, he does educate his kids about the Chinese customs and traditions. His parents have sent tape recordings and picture books about the culture from China for the kids.
Guo and I both agreed that majority of Asians and other minority ethnic groups� family values were similar. Respect for the elders is the most important thing. Love for the family is also another important aspect in a healthy family. It was concluded that in Asian families, love is not expressed by word. It is showed by action. The family does not say, �I love you� to each other, they show it by doing things for one another.
While talking about Guo�s daughter at the age of 17, I asked him how he felt about her dating. He was confident in answering that he had no problem with it.
�Even interracial relationships?� I asked him.
�Yes, I have no problem with that.� He replied confidently.
Guo was open-minded to the idea that his daughter could be dating a member of another race. He was fine with it as long as it was not distracting her academic life. Guo had trust in his daughter for making the right decisions for herself. This trust that he has for her is something that many children in the world today have lost and cannot gain back from their own parents.
In our conversation about the American way of living, the topic of family values came up again.
We discussed that Americans are always depressed and stressed out. The social standard in America is so high that Americans are depressed when they fail to achieve it. Also Caucasians are constantly in need of a high self-esteem and self-confidence.
�The self-confidence level is so high that it is ridiculous. Americans get stressed
out because they are unable to reach that level.� Says Guo.
My conversation with Jian Guo was just like any other conversation I have with my friends. I felt that Guo�s responses about his daughter related so much to me. I have been and am still going through the same path. Growing up in America has made us young adults lose our cultural identity. Being educated leads us towards the path of assimilation. We strive so hard to be like whites and fit in, that we do not realize we are leaving our own culture and people behind. This interview has opened up my eyes and allowed me to expand my horizon to make my life as useful as possible. It has also made me realize that my parents have sacrificed their goals and dreams to help me live mine. Now my parents� dreams just like Guo�s dreams, is for us to live out our dream. When we become successful and achieve our dreams, their dreams will also be fulfilled.