A New
Beginning
Chapter 13: The Night When Everything Went Wrong; Part Two
(Un) Important babbling-notes from Cimmy: Thank you for liking all my stories, Kristine, and you’re right, there’s tons of gaps because there are some stories that I haven’t posted on my site or here yet. They all have a connection, and that’s why there are some strange references that you might not have heard of. Sorry to make you confused, I hope this helped a little...
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I have never liked holidays. Christmas is agony for me. Guy is making it worse, by planning his proposal. He’s going to pop the question in two days, Christmas Eve. I’m just as cynical as I was before. I’m even trying to talk him out of it, by telling him how much he’ll regret it when he’s up to his ass in kids and divorces. What can I say, he must really love Connie.
Charlie knows nothing about my little affair with Fred. Fred’s denying that he even knows me, he found a girl last week. He’s not even talking to me anymore. I used to be good in bed, was I that terrible now?
Adam went home for Christmas, so I have the room to myself. My Mom wants me to come home, but I can’t afford the ticket. Charlie can’t afford to go home either, so he’s organized a hockey-Christmas. Why am I not surprised?
Charlie told Coach Bombay to get us all a cabin. Coach Bombay did as told, because he’s feeling bad that Charlie can’t go home. I would love it if my Dad were the coach. I’d be spoiled rotten as well. Maybe the Conways’ can adopt me?
The cabin-thing in the mountains works fine for Guy, he’s bouncing off the walls. I don’t even remember how life outside the city is. I’ve been in New York for the last year and a half. Now I’m trapped in a cabin with my so-called boyfriend Charlie, my ex-boyfriend Fred, my ex-boyfriend Fred’s new so-called girlfriend Jen, my clueless friend Connie, her just as clueless soon-to-be fiancée Guy, some other players whose name I won’t bother mention, plus some of their girlfriends.
It’s a wonderful life.
“I’ve heard that there can be avalanches here,” Connie whined. “Maybe we’ll be buried!”
“Wrong side of the country, Con,” Charlie answered. “Help me with the food.”
Connie made a face at him and glared at me. “What about her? Is she not part of the food-commitée?”
“There is no such thing,” I reminded her. We were all in the kitchen, waiting for the current snowstorm to pass. I wasn’t waiting, I don’t remember how to ski, or snowboard. I don’t even know how to drive, but that has nothing to do with snow. I’ve never had a license anyway, so why bitch and moan?
“Then why am I the only one in charge of the food?” Connie continued.
“Because you’re a girl,” Charlie teased. “Girls do that. And other stuff.”
Connie turned her glare at him now. “You know what?”
I decided to go and do something else, while Connie used her whole archive of bad words. Charlie just laughed, making her even madder. Portman was in the living-room, arguing with Dwayne on what program to watch. I decided to not get into that fight either. Dwayne can be pretty stubborn when it comes to the TV.
Fred was in one of the bedrooms, tossing his things around. I decided to not ask about that. If he’s losing his mind, go ahead. Guy was standing outside on the porch, freezing his ass off. He’s strange. Why go outside without a jacket when it’s snowing?
“Hello,” I said, scaring the hell out of him. “Watcha doin’?”
“Don’t sneak up on me like that! I’m trying to calm down, it’s too much noise in there.”
“Having second thoughts? You know, Connie’s yelling at Charlie right now. Maybe you should go listen, it’ll be like a sneak-peak on what to come.”
Guy gave me a hurt look. “Why do you keep telling me to not marry her? Don’t you like her? Don’t you like me? Don’t I deserve her? You think we’ll be unhappy together? You hate me that much?”
“No, of course not! Guy, it’s me! When did you start listening to me? I like you, you think I bug you. It’s always been like that. I like Connie, she’s my friend. You both bug the hell out of me, but I still like you. Get married, bug me, do what you want.”
“You’re jealous!” Guy exclaimed. “You want me. You’ve always wanted me!”
I laughed. “No, but thank you anyway. I just thought you were nice. Then you got annoying. Now you love me, right?”
“Sure, why not,” Guy mumbled. “Can I have the ring back?”
Oops. What Guy doesn’t know, won’t kill me, right? I accidentally did a ‘Julia Roberts’, I tried on the ring on my right hand instead of my left hand and it got stuck. I’m wearing mittens so I can hide the fact that I’m a ring-idiot. People ask why I’m wearing mittens. I’m telling them I’m cold. They think I’m weird. What else is new?
“Uhm, I thought I was in charge of the ring-thing,” I said. “I’m doing great with that! Don’t you trust me?”
“Give me the ring.”
“No!”
“Give me the ring!”
“No!!” I objected.
Guy grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. “Give me the damn ring,” he hissed at me between gritted teeth. “Where is it?”
“Something happened,” I told him. “Don’t kill me, please.”
He pushed me into the door. “Let’s just see about that. What happened? What fucking happened?”
“Don’t swear at me,” I said and took off my mitten. “Here it is.”
“Give it to me,” he exclaimed and tried to break my finger with his hand.
“Ouch! That hurt!” I screamed at him. “I’ll take care of it, you can just worry about the proposal. Don’t say fuck again.”
“Fuck you,” he muttered and went inside again. He’s so hostile.
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The snowing did not stop. That annoying girl Jen kept saying that it was like ‘one of those storming blizzards outside’. Does that girl have no brain at all? She’s my complete opposite. Blonde, up-beat and un-smart. Plus, she’s a true American. I’m just a crazy Swede.
When it was beginning to get darker we all gathered in the living-room. Great, a bunch of nineteen year-olds trapped inside the dark together. What could ever happen?
Portman began whimpering almost immediatly. Everyone considers him as the tough guy, but on the team, he’s the guy who whines more then the whole cheerleading-squad together. Tonight he complained about the fact that there was no TV. The storm had knocked out both the satellite and the regular TV. I was just glad that the lights were still working. I hate darkness.
“I thought this was supposed to be relaxing, not annoying,” Portman explained and tormented Connie with a pillow. “Can’t anyone do something? Anything at all! What’s that game people play when there’s no TV?”
“‘Who wants to be an electrician?’” Charlie suggested. “You’re free to go up on the roof and fix the antenna. We’ll stay in here, dialling 911.”
“No, not that! That childish game where everyone ends up hating each other,” Portman went on.
“Monopoly?” Guy yawned, obviously tired of us all. It’s actually surprising that he hasn’t killed us during the years we’ve been a team.
Portman stomped his foot into the floor and got up from the couch, causing the popcorn-bowl to fly over the room. “No! The other game!” While he continued jumping around like an idiot, and Jesse and Russ were eating popcorn from the table, the rest of us just sighed.
“Truth or dare?” I suggested, wanting to kill myself as soon as I’d said it. I hate that game, I really do.
“Yeah, is that what I’m talking about?” Portman asked.
“Who knows, we rarely know what the hell you mean ever,” Charlie said. “But forget the whole game-thing. I won’t go through the humiliation of truth and dare again. It IS childish and we ALWAYS hate each other after we play it. Last time Connie strangled me.”
Connie began objecting, and suddenly they were all arguing about some event that happened last year. It must’ve been when they were home in Minnesota, because I couldn’t remember participating.
“Well, it was just an idea!” Portman exclaimed and sat down again. “Where’s my popcorn?”
“Let’s just play. It can’t get any worse, can it?” Connie said. “It’s better then spin the bottle, right?”
“Yuck, hell yeah!” Portman continued. He must think that everything we say must be commented by him in person. If only Fulton hadn’t gone home to be with his sister. If he’d been here, he could’ve done something stupid with Portman, keeping him away from us.
“Last time we played this together with those people, they almost killed us,” Charlie muttered, staring at Fred. He must mean when we were in Florida and we all got into a huge fight. But little me, would I cause trouble? Nooo...
“I promise not to kill anyone,” I said, taking it personally. “You promise not to make me kill you?”
“Save the love-chat for later,” Portman interrupted. “Truth or dare?”
“Me?” I winced. “Why me? Can’t anyone else begin?”
“No, I’m asking you.”
Truth or dare, huh? Truth or dare... If I picked truth, Portman would probably do something mean and ask me about Fred or Charlie. If I picked dare, he’d do something worse involving Fred and Charlie. I so hate truth and stupid dare. Remember ‘Dante’s Peak’? Be prepared for an explosion.
Pierce Brocknan seriously needs to stick with James Bond.
“I guess... truth,” I mumbled. I knew he’d make a fool out of me. We’re supposed to be all grown-up, and still we taunt each other to the verge of tears. I do it as well, tease and insult my friends. Why can’t we ever grow up?
“Are you in love with anyone?” Portman grinned. He’s so evil.
Who ever said that you have to be honest when you answer? Okay, I know it’s the basic rule of the game, but what the hell? I just shrugged easily and told him no. Even though it hurt inside from the question, I decided to continue anyway. My heart was pounding as crazy, and I felt dizzy. I hate the game of truth and dare.
“Guy, truth or dare?” I said.
Guy gave me another of his patented hurt-looks. The one that reminds you of a betrayed puppy. “Truth,” he muttered. “Even though I don’t like this game.”
“Who does?” I asked. “When I asked you if you felt any regrets, were you lying?”
The rest of the team began twitching and turning in their seats, not knowing at all what we were talking about. No one knows. It makes me feel special. Although after tonight, I might not be Guy’s ring-keeper anymore. I might not be Guy’s anything anymore.
He was quiet an awfully long time. He stared into the floor, spinning the glass of beer in his hands. I felt like crap, why did I have to make everyone I know sad? Why?
“No, I wasn’t. Same question back. Were you lying?”
Crap. That bastard.
“Of course not.”
“Let me continue on that subject for a second,” Guy went on. “Were you lying when you answered Portman’s question? Because I know you just lied to me, so that makes your answers a bit... fishy.”
What a fishy question.
“The only thing fishy about this,” I began. “Must be that you actually believe when you say that you’re ready.”
“I am.”
“You’re not.”
“Fuck you.”
“You’ve already said that to me today. Twice, actually. Touchy?”
Guy just put down his glass and smirked at me. “At least I know what I’m doing. Don’t think I don’t know about you and your games at the playground. I know about that. I know everything, Cecilia.”
He got up and left the room, leaving me to stare into the wall. It always ends like this when we play this game. Especially when two people have secrets between each other. I sighed and realized how much I missed my family. My brothers, my parents, my grandparents and my room.
But I guess I’m stuck here, forever. For the moment, anyway.
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After Guy’s exit, the game was postponed a while. Connie went to find Guy, giving me a weird look when she left. Charlie just decided to butt out, Fred pretended that he hadn’t been paying attention, and the rest of the people got up to see what was left in the fridge.
When Guy finally came back, without Connie, he had a bag of chips with him. He threw it at me and sat down on the couch again. I just stared into the bag and chewed on some chips. Connie showed up moments later, giving us both the same look as before.
For the record, I thought ‘Dante’s Peak’ was a horrible movie. Not bad, just horrible. I cried when the town collapsed. When the road collapsed and the cars fell down into nothing. When the children left to save their grandma. I cried and I panicked. Fred told me to turn the TV off, but I just couldn’t. The movie affected me in some weird way. Because of the meaningless escape and because there was nowhere to run.
“So, we’re all okay?” Charlie asked, looking at me.
“Sure,” I mumbled, thinking of that helicopter that fell down with people in it. They paid 15 000 dollar just to die first. What a waste of money.
“Sure,” said Guy, probably thinking of something other then ‘Dante’s Peak’.
Portman didn’t give a crap about us, he just continued with the game, forcing people to feel bad. Well, it’s not his fault that we are all so touchy. That’s his way, to be totally up-front with people. We all love him for that. Well, sometimes...
Just when we were beginning to accept the situation for what it was, my worst fear came true. The whole room blinked, well, the lights in the room did, and then suddenly it all went black. So did I.
“What the hell?!” Portman yelled, scaring us all.
“It’s just the lights...” Charlie said.
“No, not that! My popcorn is gone!”
I heard Jen squeak, and I already knew that Fred had put his arms around her to protect her from whatever it was that scared her. Charlie didn’t even notice me. He was busy telling everyone what to do. He’s the leader, and I know that. Why hold that against him? Without him, chaos would rule.
Even when I’m surrounded by friends, I’m all alone. That can’t be right.
“Is everyone all right?” Charlie asked, loud enough to drown out our voices. “Anyone got a flashlight? Dwayne?”
“No, sorry,” Dwayne answered. Someone knocked over something on the table, and the noise made my ears hurt. I instinctively ducked and continued slipping down onto the floor. The wind howled outside and the whole house was shaking. Had Connie been right about avalanches?
There were no vulcanoes in the tri-state area, were there?
“Cecilia?”
I snapped out of my thoughts, realizing that someone was speaking to me. “Yeah, I’m here,” I said weakly. “I’m okay.”
“Sure?”
“Yeah.”
Charlie kneeled next to me and put his arm on my shoulder. He almost made me cry. I should work on my ‘rough, tough’ routine. “Just stay here, I’ll get the lights back on again soon,” he said, as if he were some sort of expert on lights. Who wants to be an electrician? Charlie Conway does.
He was gone in a second. I heard Jen’s whimpering. She’s even more annoying then Portman when she whimpers. “What’s wrong with the lights?” she complained. “Is it supposed to be this dark?”
She’s just the sort of girl that Fred always joked about. Now I’m the sort of girl he jokes about. How can he manage to put up with her?
“Don’t worry,” I heard Fred say. “Everything is going to be fine. Trust me, will you?”
That’s supposed to be my words of comfort. The room began to spin and I felt sick. Maybe because I hadn’t eaten anything but sweets and chips since breakfast. Maybe because my boyfriend didn’t care about me. Or something.
“Charlie?” I asked. “Charlie? Where are you?” My voice was just a whisper, but it still echoed in my head after every word. I choked, I panicked, I swallowed, and I tried to hold back my tears. I’m pathetic, but does everyone have to know that?
No one answered.
“Charlie!” I yelled and got up from the floor. Why didn’t he answer when I called for him? The room kept spinning. I almost forgot about those alcoholic beverages I forced down my throat. I wasn’t sure if I were drunk or not, but I felt like throwing up.
“What is it?” Charlie shouted back, grabbing my arms. He shook me around, only making me even more upset. “Cecilia, calm down, what’s the matter?”
“Don’t you care at all what happens to me?” I hissed. “Shouldn’t you care more about me then about anyone else?”
Charlie sighed impatiently. “Are we going to argue about this again? Get a grip and grow up.”
And there’s the explosion I was talking about. “You’re so cold it’s unbelievable! I’m your girlfriend, but you don’t give a damn how I feel?”
“I never said that! You know that I don’t care less about you, but I don’t care more either. You’re so impossible! You can’t always get what you want, I’m not Fred. I will never be able to love you like he did, or take care of you like he used to. Why can’t you accept that?”
“Because I just can’t! Not now! Because I’m too busy trying to understand why you’re here with me. Because I can’t figure out what you want. I just... I just don’t know why I’m with you. I don’t know why we keep fooling ourselves. I don’t want you. I don’t want anyone. I just want to be left alone! Get off my back and leave me alone!”
I waved my arms around and the ring flew off my finger. I’m obviously never getting married. I stumbled away towards the door, I fell over the table and hurt my knee and when I got up, I walked right into Guy. “There’s your precious ring. I hope you’re happy now.”
“No,” he said.
I left the room and hurried towards the stairs. Just when I closed the door behind me, the lights came back. Everything was still black, inside me. I took a deep breath and went to the bathroom. The next hour I spent in there, puking my guts out.
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