A
Chaotic Wedding
Chapter
8: In Sickness and In Health
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13.45 – in between the chaos
I
spent all day yesterday avoiding my girlfriends. Well, one’s my girlfriend, the
other one is my ex-girlfriend. I guess they both drive me crazy. I’ve been
trying to like my girlfriend Jen more then I do, but she’s so annoying. I don’t
even know why I’m still going out with her.
Oh,
yes I do. My mother thought she was such a lovely girl, and she introduced Jen
to all of her friends. Then she blabbed too much, and ‘accidentally’ told them
that we were engaged. We’re not, but now Jen’s trying to convince me to ask
her. That’ll never happen. Now I hate my mother for yet another reason; forced
marriages. She used to hate Cecilia, and that was a good thing when you think
about it.
So
I’m sort of depressed now, because I’m trapped in a wedding I have to go to.
And I have to be happy for Connie and Guy, and I have to answer questions about
Jen. Of course she’s already spread the word that I’m going to ‘pop the
question’ tonight. I physically loathe that girl.
Then
there’s that other girl, who crashed her car against mine. Like it matters, my
Dad paid for it. I don’t loathe her at all, that girl. I keep thinking about
her all the time, and she’s always part of everything I ever do. Once I loved
her, now I’m trying to figure out if I like her.
I’m
jealous. I know she is too. It should be us, getting married, having children,
being happy. Maybe not the marriage part, but I keep thinking where we’d be if
I hadn’t left after... Would it still be us?
Jen
can never reach up to what I had with Cecilia. I’m avoiding them both, but I
still don’t know why. I guess I’m a coward, but it’s true. I wish it’d be me
instead of Guy, and Cecilia instead of Connie.
Yuck,
talk about mushy. I need to go stick my head in the snow and cool down.
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13.56 – one more hour to go?
Oh
my God, everything is going straight to hell!
“Could
you move that table over there!” I yell at Fred. He’s been staring out of the
window for at least five minutes, and we don’t really have time for that, do
we?!
“Where
do you want the chicken?” Julie asks, giving me the most evil look ever. Not
even when I told her to bowl fifteen melons for the salad, she seemed this
furious.
“Chicken?”
I bellow. “Who the hell ordered chicken? I need cake and cookies on that
table!”
“No,
you need some tranquilizers,” Julie snorts and puts down the damn chicken on
the cookie-table. “I could kill you with my thumb-nail right now.”
“Save
the killing for later,” I howl and point towards the kitchen. “Get the whine.
Now!”
“Why,
are we getting drunk?” Julie says and hurries away. I’m a bit surprised that
she even turned up to help out, but I’ll apologize and thank her later. Or fire
her just to be a jerk.
Cecilia
comes running from the kitchen, with Sarah right behind her. “We have a
problem!”
I
just sigh. “What now?”
“Well,
Sarah and Nish got the wrong cake at the bakery, Julie just broke two
whine-bottles and Charlie says he’s going to kill us.”
“There’s
going to be a lot of killing here today,” I mutter. “Could you fire Julie?”
The
rest of my substitute-caterers come walking out from the kitchen. It’s the
girls, and they’re all dressed in the clothes I forced them to put on. You
know, the black skirts, white shirts and the uncomfortable shoes. They look
pretty mad, and I decide not to scream at them. When you have an army of angry
waitresses in front of you, you don’t bitch.
“Guy!
We want our money!” my sister shouts and throws herself over me. I fall and I’m
just about to curse, but I’ll save that for later. My sister is only eight, and
she doesn’t need to learn all the bad words I’m thinking about right now.
“You’ll
get your money, Ally, when this is all done!” I explain, trying to be nice. I
had to call for more backup when only Julie, Sarah and Cecilia showed up for
the kitchen-duty. So I tracked down my sister, Adam’s older sister Cathy,
Jesse’s younger sister Nathalie, Dwayne’s sister Danielle, Averman’s sisters
Lana and Lily, Russ’s younger sister Molly and a few of the guests. They’ve
been fighting ever since they got here, with exception from the older ones.
“I
want my money now!” Ally shrieks in that high-pierced voice, which makes my
ears bleed. “Otherwise I’m telling Mommy!”
“Well,
go and tell her,” I shout and crawl up from the floor. “You can all go and tell
your mothers how bad you’re treated in the kitchen. Would you rather like to go
outside and shovel some snow, ladies?”
“No,
we just want our money,” Ally bellows and kicks my leg. She IS my sister, so I
can’t strangle her. I look a round for Julie. I could strangle her instead.
“Here’s
five dollars,” I say and hand my sister a bill. “Don’t blow it all on candy.”
This is a big mistake, because now everyone wants five dollars. I only have
money enough for the first few scary girls.
“What
about our money?” Julie says from behind. “Don’t we count?”
“No,
you’re working for free,” I reply. “Borrow me fifty bucks.”
“What?!”
she yells. “I’m supposed to pay YOU?”
I
just hope that the snow-shovelers, more specifically the brothers to the
Duck-players, won’t come in and ask for money as well. They’re far more
hostile. Well, not counting my sister.
I
look over to the window, where Fred’s still doing nothing. “Hello! Could you
hurry up with the table?” I shout, but he doesn’t even move. “Go tell him to
move his ass.”
Cecilia
shakes her head. “No, tell him yourself.”
“Look,
honey, I don’t give a rat’s ass about your problems right now. Either you go
over and tell him to get to work, or I’ll throw you out the window. For God’s
sake, he’s not your mortal enemy, he’s just your ex-boyfriend!”
“Jerk,”
she yells and stomps away over to Fred.
I
can’t be considerate and nice when I’m about to get married in one hour and
nothing is working out as it should! And could it please just stop snowing?!
“I’ll
drive to the bakery and get the cake,” Sarah offers. Thank you, at least
someone knows how to be useful. “I think Julie has some bad news for you.”
“Of
course she does,” I growl. Julie is standing over by the phone, talking with a
very upset voice. Ah, man, what now? She hangs up, walks over to me and gives
me a very sad look.
“Guy...”
“Yeah?”
“This
isn’t going to sound fun, but just hear me out.”
“Okay.”
“You
know all the snow?” she mumbles. “There’s been a slight accident, and your
priest, or minister or whatever he’s called, sort of got trapped inside his
house this morning. So you can’t get married in an hour.”
“Okay...”
I say, still trying to get my head to process the information.
“The
wedding has to be postponed,” she continues, and I feel that seizure coming on.
“Until at least seven tonight.”
“What?!”
I finally snap. “This is horrible! How the hell...” My voice trails off, and
I’m having trouble breathing. Cecilia comes running back, and she shoves me
into the wall.
“Thanks
a lot, idiot,” she mutters, and I completely loose my temper.
“Get
out, now!” I say to her and point to the door. “You’re fired. Go be all psycho
somewhere else! Bitch.”
She
just stares at me, and then she leaves. Now I feel bad. No, actually, I think I
have to throw up.
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Author’s Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone! And thanks for the
heads-up about the chicken thing, percussion. I’ll now know what not to call
guys if I ever want to be asked out on a date. Knowledge is fun. Also thanks to
Nellie, Cait Radcliffe and plainjane for your reviews! In lack of imagination,
there will be no guestbook entries this time. I can’t come up with anyone else
to sign the stupid guestbook, that’s today’s problem. Tune in for more problems
tomorrow. Beep.
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